Author Topic: LEGEND GARY PART TWO  (Read 26997 times)

Glebe

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #60 on: September 20, 2019, 11:51:40 PM »
Ohhh that's tickled me.

That's really good

Ta lads!

Gary puts Daz in one them baby bouncer things in the living room doorway. "Here Gary, cut it out!" "Aw, Baby Daz! Time for Liga, heh!"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #61 on: September 21, 2019, 04:07:51 PM »
"Daz, I need you to help bury a body!"

"Haha, what, Gary?! Stop pissin' about and join us for a game of Pro Evo!"

"Nah, Daz. Nah. Deadly serious, mate. Deadly serious. Get a shovel and meet me in the garden."

"Ah fuck off, Ledge. Go on, stick the kettle on!"

"For real, this, Daz. 'Needles' Mulchahy starting getting shirty down the local, decked him a bit hard, like, behind the chipper. Come on Daz, mate, let's do this."

"Alright, Gary, but you really are a bit of a twat!"


wosl

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #62 on: September 21, 2019, 04:37:12 PM »
Legend Gary organises for a quantity of homeless urine to move into Daz's ear canals.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #63 on: September 21, 2019, 05:05:08 PM »
5AM. Ledge and Daz are the only ones left standing in Gary's Sister's living room after a 21st for his niece. Daz is slumped on the couch, whilst Gary is sitting at the dining table, which is strewn with leftover food and beer bottles. Gary is drunkenly mumbling.

"Good do that, Gaz... er, Daz. Stacey's friend is well fit, i'n't she? I tell you what, those ham sarnies weren't bad, eh? Sigh. Must buy a new vape t'morrow, this ones' fucked. Box of Kipling Cherry Bakewells there, think there's one left. I prefer the Tunnocks meself. Mmm. Yeah. Can hear Uncle George snoring up there! Loud fucker. Yeah. Those two twins freak me out, Daz... Steve and Dan. Little shites. Good to see everyone enjoying thereselves, though, Daz. Danni's a funny lass, i'n't she, Daz? Had your dad in stitches! Don't think much of that ouzo shit. Tastes like rotten licorice or nowt. Sigh. Yeah. Peter's dog is lovely, wish I had a dog like that. Fancy something off the table, Daz? Packet of Quavers? Sausage roll?"

Daz emits a loud snore.

"Aye, you sleep on, our kid. Mad night. Anyroad, may as well finish off some of this little lot... them leftover Stellas aren't going to drink themselves!"

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #64 on: September 21, 2019, 05:21:56 PM »
Legend Gary finds an empty crisp packet, fills it with the toenail clippings he's been saving for weeks, glues the top and puts it in his pocket.

Daz and Stella Sue are there. Four drinks down, it looks like.

"Alright, you lovebirds? Whose round is it?"

He looks at them until one of them raises a drunken hand

"I'll have a lager. Oh, and I got some crisps from the bar as I came in."

Half an hour later, an angry Legend Gary is denied a refund from a bar staff member. "The CCTV shows you didn't buy them here, and also we don't sell that brand. Not to mention that my mate knows you've been going round your mates asking for their toenail clippings for weeks. Get out before I ring the police, Gary."

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #65 on: September 21, 2019, 05:25:12 PM »
Legend Gary interrupts Liz Truss' speech with what he hoped would be a small and silent one, but instead made a sound like a book being torn.

His Conservative Party membership card is shredded in front of his eyes.

Good thing he joined the Brexit Party six weeks ago. Although if Nigel catches him farting he'll be for it.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #66 on: September 22, 2019, 08:31:26 PM »
The Portuguese police get up in the middle of the night for the umpteenth time because Legend Gary 'swears down he knows where Maddie is this time honest'

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #67 on: September 22, 2019, 08:35:42 PM »
Legend Gary gives a fish a fish bath.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #68 on: September 22, 2019, 08:48:15 PM »
Yeah you can drink from a hot tub, look, watch, bam

Piece of piss



What about the legionnaires mate
What about the fucking legionnaires

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #69 on: September 22, 2019, 08:55:23 PM »
Legend Gary can be found at the 'Fancy Farm of the Past', in Streatham

Mon-Fri 9-5

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #70 on: September 22, 2019, 10:47:17 PM »
Gary and Daz go on a weekend break to Jersey. They visit Benest's of Millbrook and Fineprice on St. Clement's Coast Road and pick up some chipsteaks containing tremendous protein value.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #71 on: September 23, 2019, 01:01:40 PM »
Garry never eats his greens. "Life's too short to be healthy, right Daz?"

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #72 on: September 23, 2019, 06:16:05 PM »
Yeah you can drink from a hot tub, look, watch, bam

Piece of piss



What about the legionnaires mate
What about the fucking legionnaires

"They only existed in Roman Times, Daz!"

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #73 on: September 24, 2019, 12:04:47 AM »
"You coming to the pub, Daz?"

"No, Gary, I'm going to stay in and watch Bridget Jones's Baby in me PJs with a bottle of wine and a family box of Maltesers."

"Fuck sake, Daz, be a man and come down the pub!"

"Oh, you're all the same, you lot! Only women bleed!" cries Daz, suppressing a sob as he runs out of the room.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #74 on: September 25, 2019, 01:04:40 PM »
Ledge promises to cook his new bird a lovely souffle t'night.

It's just smashed crisps in a bowl.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #75 on: September 26, 2019, 07:58:23 PM »
Daz tosses an Irn-Bru can into a Derbyshire gutter.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #76 on: September 26, 2019, 08:27:49 PM »
Legend Gary organises for a quantity of homeless urine to move into Daz's ear canals.

Good, very good

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #77 on: September 26, 2019, 08:32:25 PM »
Legend Gary's pet parrot, The Fat Man, finds him carving Labour MPs names on bullets in his treehouse.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #78 on: September 26, 2019, 08:40:48 PM »
Legend Gary talks about giving someone ''a good ol' Hogwarts kiss''

Everyone else pretends to know what it is while hoping it isn't paedophilia. It is paedophilia.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #79 on: September 26, 2019, 08:46:41 PM »
Legend Gary tries to wind up a horse by eating a bag of dog biscuits in front of it noisily and provocatively. The horse leaves.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #80 on: September 27, 2019, 03:06:13 AM »
"Where have you been, Daz?"

"Er, don't beat me up, Ledge, but... I've started an evening class."

Gary is pensive for a moment.

"What's the subject, Daz?"

"Em... Philosophy, Gary. Philosophy."

A slight smile breaks out on Gary's face.

"That's great, Daz!"

"Really?! You're not gonna have a go at me for it?"

"Of course not, Daz! Good to see you bettering yourself!"

"Ah, thanks, Gary. Just gonna go to bed now..."

During the night, Daz hears his bedroom door creak open. Gary's voice whispers:

"Daz, you awake? Everything I said earlier was BOLLOCKS. I'm gonna get you for this. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow... but I will get you for this. Watch your back."

NJ Uncut

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #81 on: September 27, 2019, 07:43:05 AM »
Legend Gary's pet parrot, The Fat Man, finds him carving Labour MPs names on bullets in his treehouse.

It's too bad the old parrot died. Could say his own name AND greet Daz upon sight, could little Cuntbucket

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #82 on: September 27, 2019, 12:42:13 PM »
Parrot's name is The Fat Man, mate.

Deal with it

Berthas Fat Leg

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #83 on: September 27, 2019, 02:18:26 PM »
Legend Gary agitates a field of pregnant ewes with a twocced Kawasaki.

wosl

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #84 on: September 27, 2019, 02:27:13 PM »
Legend Gary finds out how many of his mum's lorazepams it takes to prevent Daz from changing a light bulb.

Glebe

  • This is a low-flying panic attack.
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #85 on: September 28, 2019, 05:11:13 AM »
"Fancy an orange, Ledge?"

"Don't mind if I do, Daz!"

"There you go... only 32p from Lidl!"

"That's fantastic value, Daz!"

"It certainly is, Gary... (Daz turns to 'camera') Lidl have got all your fresh fruit and veg needs covered, and there's plenty more in y'local store! Lidl... now that's value! Oi, Gary, leave some for me!"

"Don't worry, Daz... at a price-busting 32p, there's plenty more oranges where they came from!"

They both laugh!

Sponsored by Lidl... the quality low-price store!

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #86 on: September 28, 2019, 06:34:07 PM »
Legend Gary is fired from his job for being a "sexually repulsive, sodomite paedophile''

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #87 on: September 28, 2019, 06:35:22 PM »
Legend Gary on the karaoke and fruity both at the same time

Let's see if the fruity pays out in bantz

'Ground Controooolll to Major Bantz'

The 'crowd' love it, they absolutely lap it up.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #88 on: September 28, 2019, 06:40:46 PM »
Legend Gary takes a swing at an army officer because in his opinion he is 'well more army'.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Chaos with Ed Miliband
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: LEGEND GARY PART TWO
« Reply #89 on: September 28, 2019, 06:46:58 PM »
Legend Gary tries to sell his new 'superstardom' to the tabloids.

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