LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary has to be rescued by the fire service after attempting a "sideways poo".

[Glebe]

"Why can't the Muslims speak proper English, Daz?"

"Because they are trying to trick us because they are evil foreigners, Gary."

Gary haltingly mutters agreement, but after a moment gives Daz a look and sees that he is grinning smugly and is once again taking the piss.

"Do watch that, O Daz. Do watch that, if friends you and I are to remain."

[Glebe]

"Gary, I've got to tell you something, but it's in strictest confidence," says Daz.

"You can trust me, you know that Daz."

"It's me dad... he's been laid off because of the pandemic and he's on the dole. He's on anti-depressants and everything."

"Is that like the things you took when you went through that malingering lay-about stage, Daz?"

"Er... yeah, Gary."

"That's terrible, Daz. I hope your dad finds work soon. Now if you'll please excuse me, I've just got to go out and run an errand."

Gary immediately goes to Daz's parents' house and spray-paints 'BENEFITS CHEAT' on the front door.

[Glebe]

Gary and mates have a new signal for passing the joint whilst watching local football games from the sidelines. It used to be "Giz smoke", but now it's the twirl of the index finger and the doobie is passed on.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Gary has to be rescued by the fire service after attempting a "sideways poo".

Laughed

[Glebe]

Gary makes a makeshift megaphone out of an old copy of Match of the Day magazine and screams abuse down it at some local prefabs which Daz has falsely informed him are being used as refugee shelters.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary goes for a walk and draws cocks and balls in the snow on people's cars.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Daz wakes up hungover after attending an illegal rave with Pegging Paul, Liz, Tara and Gary. Seven hours dancing inside an old factory before the police came, he spent half the night snogging a girl.

What's that noise?

"I AM THE LEGEND GARY
NOBODY I'D RATHER BE..."

Daz groans and turns over in bed

"I AM THE LEGEND GARY
I'M HAVING A HUGE WEE

CALL ME, CALL ME BY MY NAME, OR "HEAVY CUMMER"
ABOUT TO POO SOME SHIT
I'LL STILL BE POOING IT THE WAY I POO IT
AND YET...

Daz gets up and makes himself a sausage sandwich.

[Glebe]

Gary comes running into the flat in a state of panic.

"Daz, you've got to help me... I've been #metoo'd by that woman in social services!"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary says going disabled was 'by far the best thing that's ever happened to me' .

[madhair60]

Gary decides to get in on the stocks game and accidentally pours £50,000 of capital into Gamstop

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Gets the money back because according to him 'ah mate no way help us out i am but a little auld disabled an ive got a badge'

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary farts at a moorhen.

[jobotic]

The moorhen farts back. Gary calls it a "fucking animal"

[king_tubby]

'Daz, this coot thinks it's a fucking comedian'

[Pink Gregory]

Gary kicks fuck out of a waterfowl.

The waterfowl kick back.

Gary is hospitalised for 6 days.

Gary now treats the waterfowl with a grudging, bitter respect.

[king_tubby]

'Fucking told it, Daz. Fucking told the bastard.'

[jobotic]

Gary starts calling Daz "Little Grebe".

Makes them both feel fuzzy.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary steals a child's trike from Argos and rides it round the park while stoned.

[Glebe]

Gary mocks Daz for watching Akira one evening. "What do you mean 'classic', Daz, fooking children's cartoons shite!"

Next morning, Daz discovers Gary gaping hypnotically at Paw Patrol.

[Glebe]

Gary hails Johnson as "the hero of the hour. Churchill used to be my big role model, Daz, but let's face it, with the courage, diligence and sheer humanity Boris has shown, he is surely now Britain's Greatest Icon! Here here!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary paints a picture of Johnson dressed as Churchill, with Colonel Tom flying a Spitfire in the background. Kier Starmer is depicted as Hitler with the text "Herr Hindsight" underneath it.

He gets a little chubb-on as he lets it dry.

[Glebe]

Gary paints a picture of Johnson dressed as Churchill, with Colonel Tom flying a Spitfire in the background. Kier Starmer is depicted as Hitler with the text "Herr Hindsight" underneath it.

He gets a little chubb-on as he lets it dry.

Gary's 'Traitor's Gallery' includes a painting of Jeremy Corbyn dressed as Stalin.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Daz and Fiona are carrying Gary home after one too many cans of Stella in the park.

"Want some help?" asks an unusually helpful Steak Terry.

Daz turns to Steak Terry.

"He ain't heavy. He's my Gary."

And walks on.

[Glebe]

"Daz, I had that nightmare about The Riddlers again!"

"You were warned not to watch it as a child and you're paying the price now, Gary!"

[Glebe]

Gary gets his chainmail armour and St. George flag out and parades around the precinct shouting, "O ENGLAND! O MASK-LESS! O PURE-BLOODED ANTI-PLANDEMICERS! COME ONE, COME ALL, O YEA, O YEA!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary gets his chainmail armour and St. George flag out and parades around the precinct shouting, "O ENGLAND! O MASK-LESS! O PURE-BLOODED ANTI-PLANDEMICERS! COME ONE, COME ALL, O YEA, O YEA!"

Daz then comes up to Gary with a lance. Gary licks the end of the lance and Daz pokes passers-by with it.

Steak Terry is meanwhile offering "hugs for £1, if I fancy you. If not £5".

[druss]

Legend Gary sells his own urine as the coronavirus antidote.

[jenna appleseed]

Gary gets his chainmail armour and St. George flag out and parades around the precinct shouting, "O ENGLAND! O MASK-LESS! O PURE-BLOODED ANTI-PLANDEMICERS! COME ONE, COME ALL, O YEA, O YEA!"

Gary stops mid rant and goes "what the fucks a plandemicer? sounds a bit foreign, hang on Daz, aren't micers cats?
why are we being anti cats again anyway?"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary writes to the Daily Star calling for the White Cliffs of Dover to be turned into a "British Mount Rushmore, with the heads of Captain Tom, Nigel Farage and Vera Lynn""

Gary applies to join his local parish council "for the banter".