LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary sends £100 to Boris Johnson for the Number 11 refit.

"He's a legend, Daz. That lad from Somerset had the right idea."

[Fambo Number Mive]

"A census taker tried to test me once, I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti"

"If you could just fill it in, sir, there is a £1000 fine if you don't"

[Glebe]

Daz has a nervous breakdown during the eight hour of Gary's Steven Seagal marathon.

"Knew it'd be Hard Target that would do it, Daz! Daz? Are you alive?"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary plans to celebrate International Women's Day by having a wank over some of them.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary gets "Freedom" tattooed on his hand like The Fox.

"Is that so you don't forget how to spell it, Gary?" quips Steak Terry.

"Get him, Daz!"

[Glebe]

Daz discovers some vegetarian sausages in the fridge.

Gary does a bit of investigation work to find out whodunnit.

It was Steak Terry.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary covers his microwave in assault course netting.

Just laughed

[Fambo Number Mive]

"Those nurses can fuck off with their complaints over a 1% pay rise. All they do is dance on Ticktock these days, Daz. I could fo their job better than they do, it's a piece of piss"

"Why don't you sign up to be a nurse, Gary? Must be better than copying DVDs and selling them by mail order"

"Nah, the banter would be shit. Fuck that."

[Glebe]

"We dahn sold some arms to the rag 'eads for billions, Daz! Result!"

"I guess you could call that your 'hot take', Gary, though you are unlikely to research any deeper."

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary applies for a job at GB News.

[Glebe]

Gary organises a 'Clap for Boris' on the estate. On the night, only two pairs of hands can be heard - Gary's and that of Brexit Barry in the Close.

[Fambo Number Mive]

After two months of homeschooling his son, Legend Gary presents him with a fake "lads school report" in which he gives the 7 year old, among other "subjects" a D in Video Gameplay and E in Banter. His son does not laugh once.

[Glebe]

"Really disappointed with Piers on GMTV, Daz. Wasn't overtly racist enough."

[Fambo Number Mive]

"You should apply for Piers's job, Gary"
"Thanks, Daz! Glad you think so"
"Yes, you're a bigoted bag of pus who looks passable in a suit. Get your CV off to them"

[Glebe]

"You should apply for Piers's job, Gary"
"Thanks, Daz! Glad you think so"
"Yes, you're a bigoted bag of pus who looks passable in a suit. Get your CV off to them"

Gary is not sure how to react for a minute.

"'Bag of pus', Daz?"

"Ah uh no I said, 'bigoted, that's a big plus', Gary!"

Gary eyes Daz suspiciously. He's been increasingly cheeky over time.

[Glebe]

Gary wins Superspreader of the Week and is reduced to floods.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary sends Piers Morgan a "Sorry you're leaving card" and a five quid note.

"One of us, Daz. One of us".

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary and Daz fill water pistols with wee and have a hallway shootout, Gary calling himself "Dirty Gary".

[Glebe]

Gary accuses Daz of being "gay for Kier Stammer."

"It's Starmer, Gary."

"See what I mean?"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary assembles the lads for the filming of his new movie - Lads Of England, about a group of banterous lads fighting back against an invasion of communist ninjas

Daz and Steak Terry play the head ninjas while Gary and Tiktok Fiona are the heroic couple who lead the lads against the communist ninjas. For some reason the ninjas are also FBPE supporters as well as communists. The plot makes no sense. Nigel Farage was offered a part but refused.

Some lines from the film:

"Leave this gorgeous isle, or I will rip your bollocks off"

"Fucking ninjas, I might not know martial arts, but I've got knuckles honed with two decades of brawls"

"Two world wars and one Brexit, doo dah, doo dah"

The film costs £50,000 to make which Gary partly finances through a Kickstarter.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary sends a glitter exploder to 'all the cunts at Helmand Province'.

[dex]

"Going to buy a bulldog today, Daz. It'll cost a grand and it'll bite your bollocks off!"

Daz spits out his green tea in shock.

[Glebe]

Gary drinks 400 cans of Guinness for Paddy's Day. "Really just wanted to go for it with the lockdown and everything," he tells Daz in a message from beyond the Ethereal Veil later.

[Glebe]

Gary consumes an entire box of Weetos whilst watching his old Police, Camera, Action! DVD.

[jenna appleseed]

Legend Gary sends a glitter exploder to 'all the cunts at Helmand Province'.

Gary is such a ledge he charges thousands for the privilege of getting a glitter exploder sent to to his kickstarter supporters.

Daz mysteriously starts getting bags of dicks sent to his flat before eventually relieving a letterbomb of sequin dicks.





When the cops come round Gary is like 'You've got the wrong guy, who ever did this is like well gay mate. I like birds me."

[seepage]

Gary doesn't write his own teachings. Daz has to do it.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

So, 2nd pressing, 3rd pressing, what's that all about? Legend Gary always goes for first pressing. Why wait until everyone else has had their fun with Olive from accounts arse.

[Glebe]

Gary stuffs Daz full of Weetabix.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Ledge was the one person who retweeted this: https://twitter.com/LocalHe56358636/status/1373261830794182661

[king_tubby]

Legend Gary spends so long deciding whether to tweet 'bald nonce' or 'Legend Lee' at Lee Hurst that by the time he decides on 'Legend nonce' Hurst's twitter account has been suspended.