LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[Glebe]

Gary compiles a list entitled 'Best of British'. An here it is:

Jim Davidson
Littlejohn
Poundstretcher
The traditional Sunday Roast (here here!)
Frank Bruno (see, I am not a racist Daz)
Our Brave Boys still over in Iraq fighting the ragheads

[Sebastian Cobb]

Gets banned from teaching for being a fucking LEDGE
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-56858188

[Fr.Bigley]

Gets banned from teaching for being a fucking LEDGE
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-56858188

Ironically, Gross Ms. Conduct was the name of the stripper.

[Glebe]

Gary puts on loads of weight and starts to look "truly gammon," as Daz tells his secret boyfriend during a clandestine phone call.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary has a hilarious thing going where he buys a coffee and due to the barista being "of a nationality", he will ask for a coffee "With the skin on", confusing them and causing a succession of back-and-forths until Legend Gary, having been served a near identical coffee will then saying "Ah, perfect, with the skin on, nailed it. Thanks sweetheart."

They suspect he's up to something though.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary warns the pub if anyone woke turns off Apeman by the Kinks they will be shot dead.

[Glebe]

Gary's dream is to pick a fight with a UFC fighter in a car park and "beat him to shite in front of all there present, I'm fucking the hardest of the hard me Daz, watch it!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary enjoys Bus Stop Parkour

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary puts some more White Rose stickers up at the bus stop before writing Open The Pubes in magic marker.

"Force of habit, Terry "

[Glebe]

Gary steals a bulldozer and breaks into the pub. "Taps are empty ffs, Daz! Bloody lockdown!"

[Glebe]

Gary organises a cage fight in the back garden.

[Glebe]

In need of an afternoon nap, Gary gets Daz to send him to sleep with a beautiful rendition of 'Five Little Ducks'.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary has a pint with Keith Starmer. "Still too woke for me, Daz" he confides later.

[Glebe]

Gary has a pint with Keith Starmer. "Still too woke for me, Daz" he confides later.

Meets Farage in a lockdown-defying watering hole the next day. "He put his pint on his head and everything Daz, my life is complete!"

[Fambo Number Mive]

The lads club together to pay Farage to record a follow up message for Gary, which he plays once a day for the next seven years.

[Glebe]

"Daz, I'm doing a 'tackle-out' calendar for charity!"

"Nice Gary, which charity will benefit from your rude behaviour?"

"Well I was gonna go with Our Brave Boys but I think I'll do it for some anti-masker group."

[Glebe]

"I'm ordering from the Chinese, fancy something Daz?"

"No thanks Gary, you should know by now I don't like Chinese."

"And you say I'm racist, Daz!"

[Glebe]

Gary never takes his nephew out in case he is mistaken for a peedo. "Hanging'd be too good for me, Daz!"

[Peacock Johnson]

Gary instead spent the afternoon with his nephew watching "the NCU" - the Nativity Cinematic Universe. Clunesy was Gary's favourite.

[Glebe]

"Daz, you're such a woke!"

"Do you even know what you're saying Gary?"

"Um no actually."

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary replaces Daz's Facebook profile picture with one of a famous nonce. "Teach him to leave his phone unlocked around me."

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary bullies local character Dogdon, but is filmed, it goes viral, and a gang of local Nonce Hunters find out his address, where he is delivered summary justice.

[Glebe]

Gary makes his own The Chase show in the hall, with Big Tommy as The Beast, sitting at the top of the stairs. "Here we go Daz, I wish you luck."

[Glebe]

"Was talking to Muslim Jim today, Daz. Nice bloke. They're not all alike."

PROGRESS.

[Glebe]

"In the name of St. George, I command all immigrants to go back where they came from! Hear ye! Hear ye!"

"Can we go home now, Gary? It's getting cold."

"Yeah Daz, megaphone's batteries are running low and the heath is fairly quite today anyway."

[Glebe]

Gary organises the first proper meet-up with the lads in a long time at he and Daz's flat. PlayStation, lots of joints, Wagon Wheels.

"What are you looking so glum about, Daz? We're all keeping our distance and using hand gel!"

"There's just a lot of toxic masculinity going on in the room, Gary. Lot of toxic masculinity."

[Glebe]

Gary describes the lockdown as "our Dunkirk. We shall fight the lockdown on the beaches, Daz, etc."

[Glebe]

"Meeting the lads for a big session with a load of cans in the park, Daz. You coming?"

"NO Gary. Fuck's sake it's risky!"

"You've got covid on the brain, Daz! Get a life!"

[Glebe]

Daz is dressed up in his St. George chain mail outfit and is on the heath again with his megaphone.

"AH TELL THEE, WE SHALL BEAT THIS COVID AND ITS PC MASKER HOARD! BEGONE FROM ANGLIA, FOUL CHINESE PLAGUE!"

[Glebe]

Gary destroys Daz with a bicycle clip.