LEGEND GARY PART TWO

[jenna appleseed]

You can't fool me with that Daz, that Russian looking imposter Tunnock The Terrible is no match for Robo Tunnock.

[Glebe]

Gary describes trying to stop immigrants getting into Britain as a "Sisyphean task".

[Chollis]

Gary decides to go upmarket and rebrands himself as Gary St. Regis

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

It's May and so Legend Gary makes preparations for his special spa day, once a year since 2014: three showers in his own home.

[Glebe]

Gary describes the Cadbury's Flake shortage as "the worst crisis to ever hit Britain, ever."

[jenna appleseed]

Gary describes the Cadbury's Flake shortage as "the worst crisis to ever hit Britain, ever."

Daz gets bashed for making a 'wot, worse than the muslims Daz?' qup?

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary goes through his social media deleting all his 2020 posts defending Dominic Cummings. He also rewrites his Lists of Brexit Heroes and Woke Traitors so Cummings is in the latter column.

[Glebe]

"None of 'em are fit to lick Thatcher's boots, Daz. She may been called the 'Milk Snatcher' for making kids pay for school milk again in the '80s, but this new lot were clearly not bottle-fed! Daz?!"

"What?"

"Never mind, wasn't that funny to be honest. Not even sure it makes sense. Pop the kettle on."

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary sends an email to GB News asking for a signed photo of Andrew Neil.

[Glebe]

Gary puts Daz in a shopping trolley and wheels him around the flat.

[Glebe]

Gary eats so many Tesco steak bakes that he turns into the Hulk.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary notices a man vandalising a bus stop so does the council a service by kicking the shit out of him. Then later he feels guilty and they go to Ozfest.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary refuses to acknowledge that he was mugged, stating that he doesn't recognise that course of events as having taken place, even when shown good quality cameraphone footage.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

To get back at the man who took the last two pieces of Lasagne in front of him at the Proudfoot café in 1997, Legend Gary fastidiously takes the last two pieces of everything, even things he doesn't want, just to ensure this never happens again (which it does, in Rhyl).

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary will demand, or as he puts it 'require' a full English breakfast from the household if he visits (even when he has just popped round to Poo Particles Geoff for 5 minutes to drop off a toolkit, in fact especially when that happens)

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Because of the 'Manager's Special' option at Wetherspoons, Legend Gary starts referring to all his meals at home as a 'Manager's Special'.

[Glebe]

Gary developes the ability to haunt Daz's dreams.

[Glebe]

Gary temporarily traps Daz inside an animated gif. Daz is going mental, Gary just laughing his head off!

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary sends Boris and Carrie a wedding present. It's a drawing of the pair surrounded by Gary's thoughts on Brexit and the pandemic. He can remember to do that  but he forgets to get his girlfriend a birthday present.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary starts a fight in his local Wetherspoons over whether Daniel Craig or Piers Brosnan was the better Bond

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Legend Gary's impression of Derren Brown is groping women while saying 'Illusions! Illusions!'

[Glebe]

Gary attempts to go surfing on a lilo.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Gary claims to have done a record breaking poo, but flushed it before Daz could find the camera.

Gary puts a poster of Matt Hancock up in his living room "A true British hero"

Gary farts in his library books before returning them.

[Glebe]

Gary becomes obsessed with wood pigeons and instructs Daz to "listen for the coo".

[Glebe]

Gary is watching Bullseye on Challenge on his own with a huge joint at 1:00AM.

[Glebe]

Gary dubs Daz 'Clever Clogs Daz' when Daz learns how to do childrens' crosswords.

[wosl]

Legend Gary reinforces his deck shoes by painting them with Hammerite.

[Glebe]

Daz drives to Clacton in a stolen Citroën 2CV.

[Fambo Number Mive]

Legend Gary enjoys breaking the record for the smallest poo.

Legend Gary fills his underpants with ketchup and claims his arse has burst.

[Glebe]

Gary starts dressing up as Batman and going out at night beating people up.