Author Topic: Getting married on Saturday  (Read 1329 times)

Blinder Data

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Getting married on Saturday
« on: September 02, 2019, 04:03:49 PM »
Any advice?

Noonling

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #1 on: September 02, 2019, 04:06:03 PM »
DON'T DO IT!

Twed

  • I need you so, Medieval Zone, you don't need me
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2019, 04:06:35 PM »
Craig David has finally settled down

Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2019, 04:07:04 PM »
Get her pumped.

Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2019, 04:07:57 PM »

Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #5 on: September 02, 2019, 04:17:31 PM »
Any advice?

pop a sprig wild garlic in your shoe to ward off angry spirits.

Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2019, 04:25:22 PM »
Try not to let to many people buy you shots.  I hope you have a lovely day!

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #7 on: September 02, 2019, 04:28:26 PM »
Keep taking time out during the day to step back and enjoy it.

It’s nerve-wracking but everyone there is on your side.

Be patient, everyone wants a piece of you and the day flys by, so enjoy as much time together with your new missus (or Mr.) as you can, but don’t expect to see much of each other or be able to engage in very long conversations together.

Don’t drink too much too early.

Puce Moment

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #8 on: September 02, 2019, 04:33:11 PM »
Keep taking time out during the day to step back and enjoy it.
Don’t drink too much too early.

These two bits of advice are all you need. Have a good one.

Blinder Data

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #9 on: September 02, 2019, 04:39:33 PM »
Thanks all. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be overwhelmed with it all and cry my fucking eyes out.

Did any of you cry your fucking eyes out at your wedding?

Puce Moment

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #10 on: September 02, 2019, 04:43:34 PM »
Thanks all. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be overwhelmed with it all and cry my fucking eyes out.

Did any of you cry your fucking eyes out at your wedding?

Yes, as mentioned recently in a different thread, my mother (who had come out of hospital after a suicide attempt only a few months before) read a poem she wrote during the service so I spent the service with tears in my eyes, and a cry in my throat for the rest of the day.

Oh yeah, try to find a point in the day when you are just with your spouse (even if it is 10min or so) just to take stock after the service otherwise you get separated and caught up in wedding stuff.

Twed

  • I need you so, Medieval Zone, you don't need me
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #11 on: September 02, 2019, 04:47:50 PM »
Imagine if Trigger turns up and goes "Marleeeeene!"! That's the sort of madcap thing that can happen at a wedding.

Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #12 on: September 02, 2019, 04:51:37 PM »
Is it a church? The priest may quiz you on the scriptures. Mess up and you aren't allowed to get married that day and you lose your deposit. Bone up on the major prophets and numbers, theyre cunts for delving into them

pancreas

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #13 on: September 02, 2019, 04:59:59 PM »
It depends entirely on what you have decided to get married to.

Captain Z

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #14 on: September 02, 2019, 05:01:56 PM »
Don't wear white stilettos with your black jeans.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #15 on: September 02, 2019, 05:03:55 PM »
It depends entirely on what you have decided to get married to.

True, it could be not a person but, say, a Citroen C4 instead. If they're lucky, anyway.

Do the whole ceremony impersonating Terry Scott.

Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #16 on: September 02, 2019, 05:17:07 PM »
Seriously, fuck first thing in the morning, not afterwards when you're too knackered and full of booze and buffet to do it.

shiftwork2

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #17 on: September 02, 2019, 05:23:55 PM »
Congrats on getting married on Saturday.

Also, it is prolly a big mistake.  Do you feel trapped?

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #18 on: September 02, 2019, 05:30:14 PM »
Keep taking time out during the day to step back and enjoy it.

It’s nerve-wracking but everyone there is on your side.

Be patient, everyone wants a piece of you and the day flys by, so enjoy as much time together with your new missus (or Mr.) as you can, but don’t expect to see much of each other or be able to engage in very long conversations together.

Don’t drink too much too early.

This, and add 25 more compliments to your partner in your speech. My speech on reflection was me singing my own glory more than my partners, the only thing I would change if I could

I'm assuming you're as much of a vain glorious basted who loves them sound if his own voice as much as me

BritishHobo

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #19 on: September 02, 2019, 05:35:14 PM »
Don't shit yourself

BritishHobo

  • That is a really reductive impression
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #20 on: September 02, 2019, 05:36:55 PM »
I don't mean 'don't panic mate, jesus'

I mean 'literally don't poo in your pants during the ceremony'

BritishHobo

  • That is a really reductive impression
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #21 on: September 02, 2019, 05:37:32 PM »
But also don't panic mate, jesus. It'll be great.

Twed

  • I need you so, Medieval Zone, you don't need me
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #22 on: September 02, 2019, 05:38:17 PM »
Don't let your dad go to empty the cash at his launderette and then there's a small-time gang trying to rob him with a shotgun and they call themselves the Independent Rastafarian Army and then Terry has to beat the leader up and the police still arrest Terry anyway!

mothman

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #23 on: September 02, 2019, 05:40:56 PM »
Don’t forget Barry has the right to claim droit de seigneur. And no, there’s no appeal, the Ts&Cs when you signed up to CaB were quite clear.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #24 on: September 02, 2019, 05:53:20 PM »
Thanks all. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be overwhelmed with it all and cry my fucking eyes out.

Did any of you cry your fucking eyes out at your wedding?

A relative of mine did. Cried all morning, all the way through the ceremony, then all evening. But twelve years on they're still happily together.

Captain Z

  • Oh yeah my cholesterol's going down
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #25 on: September 02, 2019, 06:18:59 PM »
Remember it's tradition for the groom to get off with the head bridesmaid.

DolphinFace

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #26 on: September 02, 2019, 06:25:24 PM »
If there's ever an occasion I'm nervous of, I kick proceedings off with 200ml vodka and listen to music loudly on headphones. My mood picks up immeasurably. I then coast through the day like a breeze. It's just important to keep topped up. I find a small beer every hour or so suffices. Any more; you're fucked and the whole day will be ruined.

Alberon

  • His heart is an empty fridge
Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #27 on: September 02, 2019, 06:37:35 PM »
Don't forget that the bloke in the ceremony (if there is one) has to get his old chap out and lay it on the cushion with the rings during the vows. It's bad luck if you don't.

Blinder Data

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Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #28 on: September 02, 2019, 07:57:07 PM »
A relative of mine did. Cried all morning, all the way through the ceremony, then all evening. But twelve years on they're still happily together.

I should have clarified the tears would be of happiness.

Lost control of the budget, lads. Can't remember what I've paid for or what I haven't. So close to the wedding so I'm happy to throw money at problems to make them go away.

Weddings are terribly stressful, thank God I'm only doing it the once

Re: Getting married on Saturday
« Reply #29 on: September 03, 2019, 12:47:37 AM »
Get several wasp traps. If you get stang on the bell end it could go one of two ways.