Author Topic: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]  (Read 3203 times)

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« on: September 06, 2019, 10:19:51 AM »
Not worth making a new thread for, but at my old work; I got fucked off hardcore one day and the toilet door kept slamming so I stormed over and utterly fucked the cunt to death with my boot. Just straight up went full Clash style smash-and-stomp on the cunt. Ended up leaving a fuckload of perfectly shaped and sized footprints in the outer plywood and leaving the central core of it, some foam bollocks, absolutely shattered. Wind howled through it afterward. Worst still was the fact another manager was in the backroom and heard me do it, but she didn't see me.

Head manager came back off holiday, asked what the fuck had happened to the door, and obviously the other manager said that I'd done something loud and violent back there but she had no idea what was going on. CCTV had been overwritten then so I got away with it. Before I left that place, during a fit of rage after banging my head on the backroom chiller's door I grabbed a fuckoff pack of bacon and just frisbeed it up into the rafters. No idea if they ever found it.  At my current work I put my foot through a stock cage while fucked off.

Probably the worst thing I ever did was when I worked at a supermarket I was given a pack of prawns that had been left outside in the summer heat and had been out of date for four days and had been out there for a while. Full on bulging with rank prawn poo gas. All I had to do was chuck them in the waste cabinet, but I stabbed the pack with my badge (like six solid hard angry stabs) and then chucked it in, closing the door behind me. Turned the whole chiller into a gas chamber as a result.

EDIT: Bugger it's been split off. Was originally a post in the "Have You Ever Acted on a Peter's Mad Thought?" thread.

PlanktonSideburns

  • be outta here in a jiffy
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #1 on: September 06, 2019, 11:06:06 AM »
Sorry I've not ever done anything like that

Thanks

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #2 on: September 06, 2019, 11:40:27 AM »
Your Mum.

(I've got that out of the way, no need to thank me.)

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #3 on: September 06, 2019, 11:41:44 AM »
You sound mental to be honest, I mean that in a polite and worried way.

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #4 on: September 06, 2019, 11:42:43 AM »
Bloody Hell, I only said "Your Mum".


I think the OP is actually Adam Sandler in that one decent film he did.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #5 on: September 06, 2019, 11:43:55 AM »
Happy Gilmore?

Chollis

  • Master of Codes
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #6 on: September 06, 2019, 11:47:07 AM »
sorry OP but you sound like a wrong'un

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2019, 11:56:41 AM »
I think you could do with some counselling, which I'm happy to provide, but only on the understanding that you'll submit to being put in restraints.

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #8 on: September 06, 2019, 11:57:23 AM »
sorry OP but you sound like a wrong'un

It didn't look so bad in the original Peter's Mad Thoughts thread where other posters were talking about willingly crippling cats and throwing teenagers off their bikes. Fuckin' hell.

pigamus

  • Sex, death, mayonnaise.
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #9 on: September 06, 2019, 12:00:00 PM »
I put a frozen pizza in the oven and I DIDN'T EVEN PREHEAT IT

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #10 on: September 06, 2019, 12:02:30 PM »
Wasn't even trying to gloat about it, both incidents lead to me going "What the fuck did I do that for?" and feeling like a right arse. Wasn't trying to go "'ere this is a cracking joke I did, kicking the shit out of a piece of inanimate wood". Fuck me.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #11 on: September 06, 2019, 12:03:20 PM »
It didn't look so bad in the original Peter's Mad Thoughts thread where other posters were talking about willingly crippling cats and throwing teenagers off their bikes. Fuckin' hell.

It think the issue is that they didn't act on those thoughts.

I do a thorough job, honestly. You should submit to me.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #12 on: September 06, 2019, 12:04:30 PM »
Probably all that drink driving

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #13 on: September 06, 2019, 12:05:10 PM »
It think the issue is that they didn't act on those thoughts.

I do a thorough job, honestly. You should submit to me.

It was the "ones you've acted on" thread in specifics, which is why I felt like it wasn't so bad in context.

pancreas

  • The islets of Langerhans are the very best islets
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #14 on: September 06, 2019, 12:12:57 PM »
Probably all that drink driving

I would consider driving only after drinking the very best wines.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #15 on: September 06, 2019, 12:14:38 PM »
Oh you'd consider it would you. You'd give a it a good old consider.

H-O-W-L

  • Slam in the back with my Primula
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #16 on: September 06, 2019, 12:15:27 PM »
Gonna have to move now. Getting used to a new post code's going to be an arse. Have to find a new pub too.

Uncle TechTip

  • Take that fucking avatar down. It's horrible.
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #17 on: September 06, 2019, 01:06:14 PM »
Look, you can't just go round yeeting bacon all over the place.

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #18 on: September 06, 2019, 08:08:30 PM »
Did a shit in a phone box. Ooh, actually it was probably trashing a moped that somebody else had stolen. Fucking cunt, I was.

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #19 on: September 06, 2019, 08:36:46 PM »
worked my way down the checklist of unspeakable acts described in the marquis de sade's 'the 120 days of sodom'.

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #20 on: September 06, 2019, 08:42:39 PM »
I stabbed a frog with a screwdriver once because I wanted its skeleton. That was wrong, I am not entitled to skeletons.

« Last Edit: September 06, 2019, 09:05:59 PM by Poobum »

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #21 on: September 06, 2019, 08:51:47 PM »
Tipping a portaloo with someone in it.

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #22 on: September 06, 2019, 08:59:48 PM »
Shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

touchingcloth

  • Member
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  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #23 on: September 06, 2019, 09:31:14 PM »
Shat on a bonnet.

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #24 on: September 06, 2019, 09:35:37 PM »
Farted on a boner

touchingcloth

  • Member
  • **
  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #25 on: September 06, 2019, 09:45:17 PM »
Shat on a boner.

Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #26 on: September 06, 2019, 09:47:16 PM »
I stabbed a frog with a screwdriver once because I wanted its skeleton. That was wrong, I am not entitled to skeletons.
I have a half memory of being shocked at finding a toad under a rock, so I killed it with the rock. Not actually sure if it happened or not.

buttgammon

  • You can't trust a man what's made of gas
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #27 on: September 06, 2019, 09:52:56 PM »
A kid in my class was struggling, and to conceal his embarrassment, he cheated on a spelling test. The teacher made a bit of a show of him, and the other kids were outraged. As you might expect, he got a lot of stick. Later in the day, this was all forgotten about - but not by me. My mum picked me up from school and I saw the lad who cheated walking past. I ducked below the window and (disguising my voice), I shouted "Cheater! Darren 'Squarehead' *Surname*" The next day, the teacher gave us all a stern lecture and rightly pointed out that our behaviour in singling him out and giving him a hard time was worse than cheating. He broke down and in a little Ralph Wiggum voice, said "someone shouted it from a car." The teacher said that if she ever, ever, ever, ever found out who was responsible for such a cowardly act, they would have hell to pay. I said nothing, and nobody knew it was me.

To be fair, he did have a square head.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #28 on: September 06, 2019, 10:27:16 PM »
I stabbed a frog with a screwdriver once because I wanted its skeleton. That was wrong, I am not entitled to skeletons.

You ARE, and don't let anyone ever tell you you're not.

Blue Jam

  • Ringo Starr Anise
Re: Worst thing you ever did [split topic]
« Reply #29 on: September 07, 2019, 02:08:28 AM »
I stabbed a frog with a screwdriver once because I wanted its skeleton. That was wrong, I am not entitled to skeletons.

Suralan Sugar would have been proud.

Isn't there some horrible story from Vic Reeves' autobiography about a weird boy who nailed a load of frogs to a tree? That's you that is.