Author Topic: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying  (Read 3400 times)

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #60 on: September 06, 2019, 07:25:45 PM »
At the time I would have ended their lives if I thought I would get away with it but it's been more fun in the long run just keeping the show on the road while the various odds on medical waste and rotten life over burns victim non entities offed themselves in the predictably pathetic ways or ended up in prison. Yet, while I wrote the above as it's indulgently entertaining to do so, none of it mattered once I escaped them. And that was a long time ago. I ceased needing to 'have the last laugh' as soon as I left my home town, arguably a little sooner.

The others who have morphed into less obnoxiously shitty adults mean nothing, precisely zero as I never see them. If I did I could ask them if they remember how awful human beings they were but why bother? All you can change is how you treat people and how others take that treatment and apply it to their own lives.

My experience is that adults are, overall far more forgiving, open and willing to listen and be friends than children because outside of social clubs there are no cliques anymore to worry about. The torment is over, you have won by getting through it. Try and enjoy the opportunities out there in the rest of your life.

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #61 on: September 06, 2019, 08:23:49 PM »
there's a couple teachers i'd like to smash the fuck out of but attempts by other kids to bully me were tentative and abortive. the small, shy, socially isolated kids got the worst of it.

i think maybe i was too weird and too angry? bullies definitely seem to profile for soft targets. oh, i did once make a lad piss his pants by grabbing him from behind and holding a metal ruler to his throat, but in my defence he was a snarky prick who talked shit behind everyone's backs and i got my comeuppance instantly in the form of slightly pissy shoes.


Cuellar

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #62 on: September 06, 2019, 08:25:19 PM »
I'd happily burn my old school to the ground

Cuellar

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #63 on: September 06, 2019, 08:26:05 PM »
With everyone in it

Puce Moment

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #64 on: September 06, 2019, 08:27:54 PM »
Alright Carrie, calm down.

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #65 on: September 06, 2019, 08:33:52 PM »
Yeah that'd be good haha

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #66 on: September 06, 2019, 08:54:09 PM »
I've been the bully, and I've been bullied, although I don't think I considered either as bullying at the time. In terms of the bullying I did, I think I knew I was vulnerable to it myself so I set myself up as one so it couldn't happen to me, although perhaps that's post hoc rationalisation. I feel terrible shame about it, and my punishment is that I live in a world where my neices could be the victims of bullying, the thought of which makes me want to rip those hypothetical tormentors limb from limb. I appreciate that will provide no comfort to the likes of madhair though.

What you have to realise is that if you were your bullies, you'd have bullied you too, do you know what I mean? People do what they do because of everything that's happened to them in their life up until that point. Again, I don't expect that to be much of a comfort.


Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #67 on: September 06, 2019, 08:56:07 PM »
Rip yourself limb from limb in front of your nieces as an act of contrition

græskar

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #68 on: September 06, 2019, 09:23:15 PM »
I am very sorry to hear that you're so tormented by that, madhair, I really am. I also find it difficult to leave the shadow of childhood abuse (I'm 27), although with me it was mostly my mother, the bullying I got at school (and there was a lot of it) pales in comparison in my memories. I think everyone who was a victim of abuse as a child finds it hard to leave behind. It's so awful that our adult lives have to be affected and shaped for years because of other people's stupidity and cruelty. And while I agree with Buelligan that ultimately they were all victims as well (my mother certainly was), I also feel that this doesn't absolve them of responsibility. They could've even forgotten you, but this will never change the fact that they are guilty towards you and your anger is, for want of a better word, valid.

Don't think somebody is happy cause they have a sports club and live in LA or somewhere. He's probably miserable, impotent and looking like Simon Cowell from all the botox. I mean look at Trisha Paytas, that's who those people are behind the social media image.

Edit: I notice it was a "sports bar" not a sports club. What on earth is a sports bar? A bar where one does sports?
« Last Edit: September 06, 2019, 09:34:17 PM by græskar »

Blue Jam

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #69 on: September 06, 2019, 09:26:45 PM »
Thanks for calling me a glib cunt, and encouraging those who have been cowed in their formative years, more often than not by complete wastes of skin who were vastly inferior to them in various ways, to spend the rest of their limited lifespan on this earth going about like the walking fucking wounded. Much appreciated.

Wow.

Go and read Attila's post, please.

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #70 on: September 06, 2019, 09:31:03 PM »
Better than being hung up on future bullying, that's when you know you're fucked

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #71 on: September 06, 2019, 09:35:58 PM »
i'm scared of future bullies wedgieing my spacetrousers and dunking my head in the lasertoilet.

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #72 on: September 06, 2019, 09:58:51 PM »
Have you thought about therapy OP?  You sound like you’re better then these cunts and maybe talking about it will give you the closure you deserve. 

Cuellar

  • She was having sly love with a midnight creeper
Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #73 on: September 06, 2019, 10:25:30 PM »
One of my former bullies now owns a sports bra LAncashire


massive bereavement

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #75 on: September 06, 2019, 10:37:04 PM »
Childhood feels like a unique ground-breaking and deeply disturbing TV show that should have ended with episode 13, life since then has been a poor attempt at a 2nd and 3rd series. Nothing captures the intensity of the original and I'm constantly referring back to it, re-watching it and trying to work out what it was all about.

I wasn't a normal kid so it was inevitable that I was going to get singled out and I had a lot to hide, the rumours fell well short of the truth. I fell in love with a walking tragedy just to experience a reflection of what I couldn't bring myself to feel inside. If only I'd taken the opportunity to confide in the one person that would have understood when it mattered the most.




 

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #76 on: September 06, 2019, 11:46:04 PM »
I had a fucking dreadful time as a kid/teen.  My father was insanely controlling.  To a seriously weird degree, I am not joking.  Obsessive about my virginity too - which didn't help (literally dragging me by the hair, screaming that I was a prostitute and a whore - I was a fifteen year old virgin - in broad daylight across the front lawns of our neighbourhood on one occasion, without any reason or provocation whatsoever, if you need an illustration.  He also used to attack me physically, really punching and the like).  So I had shit at school (because I was an outsider, liked reading, knew big words, had the wrong accent, the wrong clothes and my father was at war with the school and most of the people in our community) and shit at home.

Yeah, I can relate to this. The father thing in my case was a sadist, a narcissist; possibly psychotic. Insanely controlling to a weird degree, as you say. Also, a strange thing that I am remembering recently is the amount that he used to spy on me- to pick up new infractions I suppose. I relate to what you, Blue Jam and Attila have written (and others).

The brutality at home never ended. Punished for things I did, for things I apparently failed to do, for things other people did. I was singularly picked on, as the only male child. Violently beaten for things my sisters had done. It's paralysing, because there's no way to do anything right, ever. When someone sets up that system for you, of course it attracts the same in the outside world. So the school mirrors the brutality of the home; the streets that you walk down... Where can you go, where can you possibly escape to?

I wrote more, but it's sort of difficult putting personal stuff into a public space.

It's hard to say what the positives I got out of it were. There definitely are things that I would call positive, but that the general society might not regard as such. Complete disregard for such a thing as 'ambition' for instance. I feel lucky to have had that burned out of me very early on.

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #77 on: September 06, 2019, 11:59:40 PM »
I decided not to do the Hunstanton annihilation plan, because frankly Hunstanton is too depressing a place to annihilate myself. I could annihilate myself there and the old cunts who populate it would be like ehh, oh, there he goes. Let's go to Cassie's.

Instead I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to play videogames all day interrupted only by a pub lunch, then it's off to Hunstanton for annihilation a different thing.

Jockice

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #78 on: September 07, 2019, 09:37:52 AM »
Red-haired with a limp and being the only Scottish kid at four schools in England. Nah, I wasn't bullied at all.

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #79 on: September 07, 2019, 11:14:18 AM »
Red-haired with a limp and being the only Scottish kid at four schools in England. Nah, I wasn't bullied at all.

But imagine the relief of the other kids, knowing you'd attract all the attention from them. I'm sure the comfort of your inadvertent good must be immense.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #80 on: September 07, 2019, 12:33:42 PM »
But imagine the relief of the other kids, knowing you'd attract all the attention from them. I'm sure the comfort of your inadvertent good must be immense.

Some kids got it much worse than me though. Often for no apparent reason. But then again I've met people I went to school with who thought I wasn't bullied at all, or conversely thought that I was bullied far more than I think I was.

It's a strange one. I was reasonably popular (nice kid and all that) and  I suppose such an obvious target that the hard kids tended to leave me alone ( and sometimes even defended me) but there was a lot of niggly stuff too. Mostly name-calling but the occasional bit of physical bullying.

I absolutely hated standing out though. Still do. So I developed a shell of indifference, which served me well. Sometimes. On other occasions it would annoy others so much that they'd push me further and further till I eventually snapped. It's probably also accounted for my absolute lack of ambition.

Still, a few years after leaving I bumped into one of the real thugs from the year above and he said: "I really liked you at school. You used to walk around like you couldn't give a shit about anything." I may have that put on my gravestone.

Twit 2

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #81 on: September 07, 2019, 12:49:48 PM »
Thinking of getting into bullying for a laugh. Any advice on how to get started? Cheers.

Madhair - you can’t really throw yourself off the cliffs at Hunstanton as they’re not big enough (although still big for Norfolk). I recommend not dying and going for a lovely stroll instead at Old Hunstanton where the cliffs are red and the beaches wide.  There’s a chip shop in Hunny (Fishers, I think it’s called) that is maybe the best chips I’ve ever had. They do a blinding curry sauce too. I reckon there should be a CaB meet round that way sometime. Could be ace.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2019, 01:07:20 PM by Twit 2 »

gmoney

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #82 on: September 07, 2019, 12:54:48 PM »
Thinking of getting into bullying for a laugh. Any advice on how to get started? Cheers.

Don't you even know how to do that, you thick bastard? Urgh, look he's got a boner! Urrgh!

shiftwork2

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #83 on: September 07, 2019, 01:11:13 PM »
Nice pencil case, Gaylord.

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #84 on: September 07, 2019, 01:54:03 PM »
I remember stuff a fair bit, but it very rarely makes me angry. I don't know if it's because I internalised the idea that I deserved it or because I know in retrospect how messed up some of the bullies were. I spend far, far more time stewing in guilt over things I've done, much related previously. Though I was never a bully at school, I definitely took out my anger from being bullied on my younger brother at times and he in turn took this out on our younger sister. That said, if I raise such things with him now he tends to respond with 'lol', his coping mechanism in life seemingly been to build a hardened carapace of semi-ironic nihilism.

Jockice

  • I really have red hair. And a **********.
Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #85 on: September 07, 2019, 02:28:10 PM »
Nice pencil case, Gaylord.

My mum bought me a wooden one with pictures of rabbits on it. When I was in the fourth year at secondary school. Along with the aforementioned girl's cardigan I was convinced she was just doing it to embarrass me.

pancreas

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #86 on: September 07, 2019, 02:40:38 PM »
Nice pencil case, Gaylord.

Leave BRITNEY ALONE

Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #87 on: September 07, 2019, 02:45:08 PM »
Nice pencil case, Gaylord.

Woah direct quotation! Sad that tipex was so perfect for vandalizing pencil cases.

shiftwork2

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #88 on: September 07, 2019, 02:45:44 PM »
My mum bought me a wooden one with pictures of rabbits on it. When I was in the fourth year at secondary school. Along with the aforementioned girl's cardigan I was convinced she was just doing it to embarrass me.

It was a forum thing from a few years ago, that’s the only reason I mentioned it.  However, and not to make light of a serious thread, I had my own similar pencil case moment.  My nana bought me a fluffy pencil case and I was chuffed with it and took it into school. Now she had chosen blue (for boys) because she was a competent grandmother. But the fluffiness did not fly and it was the object of derision to my utter confusion and embarrassment.  I deflated. How could I square nana’s lovely kind thought with being cruelly laughed at?  I couldn’t, and then went on with my 7 year old life trusting people a bit less.

Buelligan

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Re: Being inordinately hung up on past abuse/bullying
« Reply #89 on: September 07, 2019, 03:09:36 PM »
I remember stuff a fair bit, but it very rarely makes me angry. I don't know if it's because I internalised the idea that I deserved it or because I know in retrospect how messed up some of the bullies were. I spend far, far more time stewing in guilt over things I've done, much related previously. Though I was never a bully at school, I definitely took out my anger from being bullied on my younger brother at times and he in turn took this out on our younger sister. That said, if I raise such things with him now he tends to respond with 'lol', his coping mechanism in life seemingly been to build a hardened carapace of semi-ironic nihilism.

Heheh.  My reaction was slightly different, I remember a notorious bully attacking my little brother on his way home from school.  He told me when he got back. 

I went out, ran round the neighbourhood, calling the bastard out.   He was a little bigger than me but I was far more angry.  Chased him up a small birch tree and stood at the bottom shaking it occasionally and explaining to him the meaning of Galatians 6:7 and how it would be mirrored in our future relationship.

My bro, now much, much, bigger than me, still remembers this.