Crap Shit

[Lordofthefiles]

I found Sex Angel in a souvenir shop in Madiera in 2013.
I only took this photograph though, I left her on that glass shelf and I've regretted the decision ever since (even as i was getting on the plane to come home, I knew I'd made a terrible error of judgement).
She has become something of a semi-mythical, mystical, majestical creature in our house - the mere mention of her name provokes cackles and whistful glances to the empty place on the mantelpiece from where she should reign over all other domestic ephemera.





What Crap Shit do you wish you had but let slip through your fingers?
Or did you actually treat yourself to some Crap Shit that changed your life forever?


Please tell your tales below so that I no longer feel so alone in this Sex Angel-less existence.

[QDRPHNC]

In the late 90s I almost registered clevelandsteamer.com

It was going be the blog of a big fat punchy guy from Ohio.

[Dex Sawash]

The Buddah, gagging for cock, earlier

[Cerys]

I still regret not acquiring a large green inflatable frog when I was seventeen.  How would my life have been different had I acquired a large green inflatable frog?  We may never know.



The moment has passed.

[Ferris]

I own a porcelain crab that is ineffably naff. I think it may be a novelty ashtray, but am unsure. It is such primo tat, that it has lived with me for over 10 years through countless apartments/countries/cities where lesser tat (yellow glass teacups, giant brown teapot with a tactile gurning face on the side, broken accordion etc) has fallen by the wayside.

Use it to keep spare change in. Call it Change Crab.

[Cold Meat Platter]

I would love to see your porcelain crab. Do you have a photo?

[Ferris]

I would love to see your porcelain crab. Do you have a photo?

Here you go, top drawer tat I'm sure you'd agree. If you could embed them in the thread somehow, that would be nice as I'm not good at that.

https://imgur.com/a/uTbk3BU

I notice my wife has started bagging coins by currency, which is a nice touch.

[greenman]

Has something of the arthropodian Mr Burns to it.

[H-O-W-L]

Here you go, top drawer tat I'm sure you'd agree. If you could embed them in the thread somehow, that would be nice as I'm not good at that.

https://imgur.com/a/uTbk3BU

I notice my wife has started bagging coins by currency, which is a nice touch.

You know, I normally agree with most assessments of tat but as a former crab fisher & keeper myself that is legitimately quite cute. I wouldn't buy it but I'd probably somewhat cherish it if I owned it. It's a good rendering of a crab.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

In Nuremberg, 3 years running I've walked past a shop with an as yet unsold fat garden gnome getting a blowjob. How that is still on the shelf waiting for its true home is one of life's mysteries and tragedies.

Just up from there is a mustard shop with Sigmund Freud flavour.

[Noonling]

Just up from there is a mustard shop with Sigmund Freud flavour.

And what does your mother taste like?

[buttgammon]

And what does your mother taste like?

Terrible.

[alan nagsworth]

Once in a charity shop I copped a green t-shirt with a picture of Pink Floyd and "I HATE PINK FLOYD" emblazoned on in big yellow letters in a fuck awful font. I didn't get it because green t-shirts don't  suit me or anyone else in the entire world but it was an incredible thing and I wish I had it. I quite like some Pink Floyd music as well but I'd love to wear it about because you just know how much it would fuck people off.

"How can you hate Pink Floyd?!" they'd whine, with an armoury full of detailed bullshit on why I'm wrong from any conceivable angle no matter my answer. And I'd reply with something infuriatingly blank like "I just think they're gay and boring" or "Status Quo did that sort of thing better".

Christ I wish I had that fucking shirt.

[pigamus]

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything is alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all of these lights
Sunny days, where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong

Why does it always rain on me?

I still regret not acquiring a large green inflatable frog when I was seventeen. 

[Ferris]

You know, I normally agree with most assessments of tat but as a former crab fisher & keeper myself that is legitimately quite cute. I wouldn't buy it but I'd probably somewhat cherish it if I owned it. It's a good rendering of a crab.

Yes, it holds the same cherished tat status for me. Silly and shit, but I'd be sad if it broke or got lost.

Once in a charity shop I copped a green t-shirt with a picture of Pink Floyd and "I HATE PINK FLOYD" emblazoned on in big yellow letters in a fuck awful font. I didn't get it because green t-shirts don't  suit me or anyone else in the entire world but it was an incredible thing and I wish I had it. I quite like some Pink Floyd music as well but I'd love to wear it about because you just know how much it would fuck people off.

"How can you hate Pink Floyd?!" they'd whine, with an armoury full of detailed bullshit on why I'm wrong from any conceivable angle no matter my answer. And I'd reply with something infuriatingly blank like "I just think they're gay and boring" or "Status Quo did that sort of thing better".

Christ I wish I had that fucking shirt.

I seem to remember Sid Vicious has such a shirt, and somebody has created their own homage with a green pink Floyd number of their own

Edit: it was Johnny rotten

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Thread Title Reference/ B-52s decide on more positive song title rewrite / Thread Title Reference

( I always end up repeating words in mine posts, has anyone else noticed that? )

[Blue Jam]

I would love to see your porcelain crab. Do you have a photo?

I would love to see your porcelain crab in a baguette.

[Dex Sawash]

Could The Porcelain Crab have its own CaB account?

[Ferris]

I would love to see your porcelain crab in a baguette.

Absolutely disgusting.

Could The Porcelain Crab have its own CaB account?

I'm too technologically incompetent to embed an imgur image in a thread because it doesn't have a direct link. I'd love to be able to launch a sock account for very occasional "walking sideways/made of porcelain" references when apposite, but sadly I lack the energy and ability. Anyone else who wants to can feel free though.

[a duncandisorderly]

magnificent. that's not johnny rotten up there, btw.

[pupshaw]

magnificent. that's not johnny rotten up there, btw.

Left is Paul Cook, right could be JR, but it is the same shirt

[a duncandisorderly]

Left is Paul Cook, right could be JR, but it is the same shirt

indeed. they've all had a go of it:

https://www.vintag.es/2018/10/i-hate-pink-floyd-shirt.html

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

If I was in the Sex Pistols I wouldn't want the rest of the band borrowing my t shirt. They might get it dirty or get holes in it.

[That_Boy_Marner]

Charity Shop Shit on Facebook is the goto place for people selling wank trying to turn it into cash.

[Ferris]

Charity Shop Shit on Facebook is the goto place for people selling wank trying to turn it into cash.

If that's your niche, look up "Irish and new in Toronto" on Facebook.

It's a load of scumbags trying to rip each other off, and provides much amusement to my Irish friends.

[Cuntbeaks]

A vibrant lime green polo neck, very MES circa '78.

Did buy a mounted goat skull complete with horns from the same place for £5.

No polo neck though.

[Glebe]

Think of the sadness in that cow's eyes gawking at you as you loll on the settee every evening, though. I mean, think about it... you've sat down to Pointless with a cuppa and a fresh packet of jaffa cakes, only to be judged once again by that mournful, tacky, porcelain moo!