No more succulent foods for you I’m afraid!

[Replies From View]

Sorry mate but that's it; all succulent foods are now within your past!  Enjoy!  See ya!!

[NJ Uncut]

Gout's gonna be a nightmare going back to sausage rolls but rules're rules

[Huxleys Babkins]

Just received my first shipment of crackers and oats. Wasn't expecting the hiding I got off the delivery driver, but I can't fault his enthusiasm.

[Glebe]

I used to really enjoy veals, but now I am told that succulent meats are no longer an option! My stars, I'm sad!

[NJ Uncut]

Ate fungus

Was not succulent

Sick in own mouth

That's not succulent neither

Ate up sick

Wasn't sick

Phew.

[Huxleys Babkins]

I thought I'd found a loophole by eating succulent plants but, alas, I was apprehended chomping on a brassica, and hauled off to gaol by the magistrate. Bah!

[NJ Uncut]

I've been trying to eat succulent concepts, but it's oddly unsatisfying

[Glebe]

I was really looking forward to some succulents before this was announced!

[Glebe]

Good news all... succulents are back on the menu!

[Replies From View]

Good news all... succulents are back on the menu!

No they fucking well aren't.

[grassbath]

¹ The Lord called Moses and spoke to him from the tent of meeting, saying, ² "Speak to the people of Israel and say to them, When any one of you eats a succulent, he who has eaten it will have his cock and balls cut off with a wooden spoon, ³ and his wife knife-raped. ⁴ And if anyone of the common people asks why the Lord has said this, say to him, for shits and gigs."

[Bazooka]

No they fucking well aren't.

They are, but this time we have to pay.

[wosl]

Ok peeps, this will come as a blessed relief to us all, I imagine:

Succulents are officially freely available to everyone once again.  Have at 'em, folks!

[Replies From View]

BOLLOCKS TO YOU THAT IS NOT AN OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

[wosl]

Who'd have thought, back during those dark, uncertain months and years of desiccated deprivation, that'd we'd ever see such an announcement, or live in such joyous times again.

[Replies From View]

YOU ARE RAISING THEIR HOPES FOR NO REASON YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD

[wosl]

Some grateful souls celebrating the reintroduction of succulents, about an hour ago:

[Ferris]

YOU ARE RAISING THEIR HOPES FOR NO REASON YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARD

Not considering eating one of the "raisings", are you?

[Replies From View]

HEARTLESS CUNTS

[Glebe]

I've just celebrated the lifting on the ban on succulents by indulging in a hearty feast of chipsteaks!

[wosl]

More good news, pals:

On the 33rd, everyone will be eligible for FREE succulent foods.  Yes, free supplementary succulents for all!  Just pop down to your local supplier on that day, say "Hallo, I've come for my free succulent foods", and you'll promptly be handed a crate brimming with a fine selection of your favourite succulents, gratis.  It's going to be a day to remember, for you and your tastesbud!

[Replies From View]

YOU'RE AN INHUMAN MONSTER

[Replies From View]

AND ALSO A CUNT

[popcorn]

Great news. Ordered a batch of succulent foods just in time for me mam's 60th.

[chveik]

I'm drowning in succulent foods. thanks replies!

[wosl]

It's fair to say the unexpected announcement has caused a bit of a premature furore.  Scores of succulents-seeking cheapskates have been spotted streaming towards supply depots in several places, well before the appointed day.  A short time ago, during an unscheduled solar eclipse, a concerned-looking Donald Fagen was spotted trying to reason with a crowd of over-excited freeloaders milling about the back doors of a succulents store, near his home in Ibstock:

[seepage]

But I read that as the 23^rd i.e. today. There isn't a 33^rd you know. You're almost as bad as RFV.

[Replies From View]

WHY ARE YOU SENDING INNOCENT PEOPLE TO EMPTY FOODBANKS

[wosl]

UPDATE: We're relieved to report that the worries of the sardonic de facto leader of The Steely Dans appear to have be assuaged (at least for the time being):

[popcorn]