Blowin chunks outta both ends

[popcorn]

I like to make threads when I'm ill because it makes me feel better.

Visited friend this weekend. His baby threw up spectacularly. I helped mop it up. That night I got to hear his wife vomming repeatedly. Friend then had to cancel our plans due to a serious case of the shits.

I got home just in time for my own Herculean hurling session. Felt better. Went to bed. Woke up shivering. Hurled some more. Feel all right now but I sense this is not the end. I always forget the smell.

Please tell me your stories of having a dead bad bug and blowin chunks outta both ends.

[touchingcloth]

Norovirus. 2018. I blew chunks outta both ends.

[Puce Moment]

Ate a milk-based dessert that was room termperature in a Thai restaurant in Singapore. 1-hour later it begins. I am sharing a room with my Mum who is asleep, whilst I am in the en-suite shitting into the toilet and throwing up into the bath next to me. All night.

Did I also mention I had a chest infection so I was coughing up thick cables of dark green bloody phlegm with the consistency of jelly tots?

[Bennett Brauer]

I sympathise but that was probably more of a low point for your mum.

[touchingcloth]

Does a shart count?

[Jittlebags]

Does a shart count?

Bonus points for a shart

[grassbath]

Ate a ton of not good moussaka leftovers in 2013, spent the night blowin chunks, threw up a fiver into my bin.

Seriously - woke up next morning and there was a fiver in a pool of sick in my bin.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

At school I had this stomach bug that made your burps smell like farts, and I was burping constantly all day. Went to sleep that night and awoke to a bed full of liquid shit, as it made its presence known at the opposite end. I was in a captain's bed at the time, one of those ones that are raised off the floor with a recessed desk underneath and a ladder to make your way up and down, and I left a trail of watery shite on the ladder as I made my way down to get my mum to clean it up. I think she told me to go and have a shower and for Christ's sake don't sit on the new furniture.

Is this the sort of thing you want?

[Konki]

Been blowing chunks out of both ends all night long. Almost shit myself during one of the vomits but managed to clench. Feel like a zombie. There can't be anything/long left.

[idunnosomename]

pics

[Konki]

[Big Mclargehuge]

Havent blown chunks from a bug now in a looooooooong time...at least 13 years (Touch wood...I have blown drunk chunks though)

There have been 2 bugs that damn near made me wish for death. One was when I was 11 years old, I had had months of stress related illness due to my primary school exams...I was a neurotic child. Anyway! I had about 6 months of eating almost nothing, blasting butt chunks at every available opportunity and only feeling fine when I'd exhausted myself through exercise (I'd walk 2.5 to 3 miles a day to wear myself out) this all culminated the weekend before the exam when I had a 48 hour period where I blew chunks out of both ends and dehydrated to the point that I couldn't lift my arms. I was told to take Dirahlyte to replenish my salt levels. It was Blackcurrent flavoured and tasted like "Molten Sick". It immediately made me blow chunks (Counter productive much) I genuinely wished for death at one point (Which has only ever happened 3 times in my life)...

The second time I wished for death funnily enough was at the start of this year. When I went from a cold, to Flu to a full blown severe Chest and throat infection + Tonsilitus. the combined jab, cross and hook left me fucked. it lasted for 2 weeks and there was a 3 day period in that time where I was barely conscious. I was chronically in a fever that left me constantly pouring with sweat. Sweat that absolutely reeked of necrosis. it was impossible to stay clean as even after a shower I'd be back to reeking in 45 minutes or less. It was so bad I'd leave sweat angels on my bed. that soaked through and left a puddle on the matress. I couldn't breath, I could barely see, everything was in pain and my head felt constantly like it was on the verge of going full "Scanners" (I forgot to mention. Absolutely chronic butt chunks too...The kind that if I were a hosepipe would be labelled "Mist settings") I ended up having to get a doctor out to the house who prescribed me some stong antibiotics. It took me the best part of a week and a half just to get on without wanting to die. I think it's genuinely the worst I've ever felt.

At school I had this stomach bug that made your burps smell like farts

My partner gets this infrequently and we're not quite sure what it is. she's been checked for stomach bugs and anything fatal and she's been given the all clear but on occasion (Especially if she's eaten anything fatty or alcohol) she'll be hit with this for a couple of days. I've had it myself at least once and it's deeply. DEEPLY unpleasant so I can only empathise with the pain you felt. If it makes you feel any better, Should it ever happen again to you Pepto Bismol is more or less an instant cure for it. :)

[Bently Sheds]

I recently ate some 'just-in-date' meat slices and consequently had an attack of the bum gravy. It was accompanied by non-vomit, the sort of thing where you're cradling the toilet bowl making that "HWUERRRR...ah" sound like a sickly Mark E Smith, but nothing comes out. I think I strained my ribcage doing that.

For me, the worst thing about having the shits is the four days of constipation afterwards and the subsequent evacuation of gravel-like pebbles of shit that take the best part of 20 minutes to expel from a straining ringpiece.

[massive bereavement]

Both ends?

If I eat something really bad or it's a nasty bug, I throw up and it doesn't get the chance to go through my system. If my stomach's willing to give it a go then it'll come out the other end.

You sure you people haven't been exposed to lethal levels of radiation?

[Dex Sawash]

Tinge UK; blowing Chukka outta both ends

[a duncandisorderly]

GE, november 1992 & several times since. this first time, a monday- I was 29 etcetera- the runners came round at work to ask what I wanted for lunch, & I mysteriously had no appetite. no other symptoms. a few hours later, pale, sweaty, temperature... went home & the both ends burning thing started. by the thursday the then-mrs had crashed her little car in worry, & I ended up in casualty (on bommy night, & strangely the only other patient at the whittington A&E that night was some bloke who'd been dragged there by several coppers who were still with him after he'd had an altercation with his ex & her new, black, boyfriend.
"it's not illegal, mate-" one of the coppers was reminding their charge, "it should be, but it's not."
"oi!" says one of the other coppers, noticing me across the ward, "walls have sausages!" & they all went quiet.

the boss rang me up the next day- "you feeling better?"
"why, yes I am, thanks- back in on monday...."
"good. tom's left & I need you to run the library too."

fuck's sake.

[popcorn]

Thank you for these sympathetic chunk-blowing stories, I feel soothed by them.

Both ends?

If I eat something really bad or it's a nasty bug, I throw up and it doesn't get the chance to go through my system. If my stomach's willing to give it a go then it'll come out the other end.

You sure you people haven't been exposed to lethal levels of radiation?

I spent a lot of last night hurlin', and just now a bit of painless rectal blowin'. Hopefully that's finished the job.

Don't feel like getting out of bed for a few days though.

[canadagoose]

Hate it. Happens once every other month for me, due to IBS issues (which aren't supposed to cause nausea, but they do). Sitting on the pan with your head in a bucket and your abdomen in quite a bit of pain is pretty crap. Then you have to empty it out, urrrrgghhhhh. Can't wait for the next time.

[madhair60]

I am sharing a room with my Mum who is asleep, whilst I am in the en-suite shitting into the toilet and throwing up into the bath next to me. All night.

The most astonishing thing about this story is that despite the incredibly off-putting sounds coming from the bogs, I was still able to achieve an internal completion with your mum in the next room.

[popcorn]

I would like to add that I did full nasal vomiting last night. Mainly oral but the nostrils were also carriers.

I'm fascinated by the psychology of vomming. It's like sneezing but with drastically higher stakes. The confrontation of the self. You know it's coming, you're waiting for it, let's fucking go, I'm ready, come on, I'm waibloooorghhhh

And then when it kicks on it's just autopilot. It occupies 100% of you. It's a sensation.

[Shit Good Nose]

Mate of mine had a stroke caused by severe noro puking (on account of one of the nerves in his neck getting caught in his spinal column or summat), so think yourselves lucky.

I've had gastroenteritis once.  Lost 2 stone in 2 weeks.  Fuck me that was hard going.  Shit paper up the bumhole to plug it up whilst you cleared out your stomach, then switcheroo and grab a bin for the puking whilst firing out shit from your arse like it's a water cannon. 

I wouldn't have minded so much, but pretty much all of that 2 stone went back after I drank one glass of water.

[SteveDave]

I ate bad rice from a takeaway about 5 years ago and, having drunk a bottle of red wine on top of it (not literally), my vom was a beautiful burgundy hue and projectile and it sprayed from my gob in an speedy arc that ricocheted off the seat (I didn't have time to lift it) onto the wall and various toilet books. I had plenty of time to clean the wall as I sat almost glued to the bowl for the next few hours as my anus loosened itself with gusto. I've not eaten Chinese food since and I eye all Asian people wondering if it was them that struck me down so badly. 

[Sebastian Cobb]

We went to the one in that Belaggio bollocks in Las Vegas and my friend got so ill he spent three days explosively shitting into a toilette that fortunately for him had a pink-neon-rimmed television set inside the bathroom mirror that he could watch.

America there

[canadagoose]

I hate to think of the state of that remote.

[Konki]

I would like to add that I did full nasal vomiting last night. Mainly oral but the nostrils were also carriers.

I'm fascinated by the psychology of vomming. It's like sneezing but with drastically higher stakes. The confrontation of the self. You know it's coming, you're waiting for it, let's fucking go, I'm ready, come on, I'm waibloooorghhhh

And then when it kicks on it's just autopilot. It occupies 100% of you. It's a sensation.

I quite agreed with this. During the vom I was the vom, I was totally in the zone. Thankfully I've been emission free for the last four hours although I can feel something brewing. All my limbs and joints feel like someone's been at them with hammers. This is shit.

[popcorn]

All my limbs and joints feel like someone's been at them with hammers. This is shit.

Same here. I wonder if we've both got the same bug.

[Konki]

Same here. I wonder if we've both got the same bug.

I hope so. I hope there's only one of these cunts knocking about.

[moondogs]

Also a victim of the Bellagio buffet. The first and by far the worst case of food poisoning I've had. 3 days of action at both ends with nasty green liquishits. Had another week left in Vegas and was just a tired, sweaty mess with no appetite. Was either a dodgy quattro formaggi pizza or a weird blue cheese dip, never worked out which.

[thelittlemango]

Goonies director considers re-write

[H-O-W-L]

Norovirus in 2016 and gastroenteritis in 2017. Christmas week, both. Have had ulcerative colitis flare-ups beside that most of me life too. Shitting myself bloody is something I am sadly all-too-familiar with.