Blowin chunks outta both ends

[Janie Jones]

Cast iron guts, me. Can eat any seething rotten shit that's crawling out of the fridge and I'm right as ninepence. Never succumb to stomach bugs. I don't so much have a delicate balance of gut bacteria as a pack of Rottweilers in there, I reckon. Literally never had indigestion in my life. I'm the Buelligan of gastrointestinal matters.

[popcorn]

Cast iron guts, me. Can eat any seething rotten shit that's crawling out of the fridge and I'm right as ninepence. Never succumb to stomach bugs. I don't so much have a delicate balance of gut bacteria as a pack of Rottweilers in there, I reckon. Literally never had indigestion in my life. I'm the Buelligan of gastrointestinal matters.

I used to be the same. Went over a decade without throwing up. I recall once getting through most of a prawn dish before realising it tasted a bit weird, checked the prawn packaging and it was 100 years out of date, waited to die, absolutely nothing happened.

I wonder what happened. I've become a digestive pansy.

[Shit Good Nose]

I wonder what happened. I've become a digestive pansy.

Dead soon, etc.

[flotemysost]

3-day old rice straight out the fridge (contrary to popular belief it's not the act of reheating rice that fucks it up, I ate that shit cold, but if it's got germs in it already you need to absolutely Chernobyl the tits off it to get rid of them).

The next day, liquid projectiles from both ends for about 72 hours and horrible nausea - I remember trying to read an article on my phone because I was lying in bed bored out of my mind, came across the word 'egg' which set off my hurl reflex, and thinking 'HOW THE FUCK IS THERE ANYTHING LEFT IN ME TO COME OUT'.

Also on the third day I left my flat to go for a gentle walk, and seeing an over-saturated photo of a glistening lamb doner in a kebab shop window set me off again.

Hope you feel better soon anyway OP.

[non capisco]

Keen Oscillations readers with photographic memories for even the most mediocre of anecdotal detail from mid-tier CaB posters may recall that I had to literally flee one of Stereolab's comeback gigs earlier in the year, before they were even onstage, in order to boisterously vomit all up the side of the Shepherd's Bush Empire thanks to a moody Katsu Chicken sandwich from Marks and Spencer. I hadn't been sick in years and I'd forgotten how just how much of your dignity you cede when you're vomiting in public, particularly when it's food poisoning and at risk of cliche it really does feel and sound like you're possessed. Entirely out of control of what your own body is doing and making basso profundo goblin noises you'd never have the ability to access at will, there is part of your brain that's hovering above the whole thing watching as it's happening and going "Well, this is absolutely ridiculous." I was being sick continuously and at length enough to go through a whole thought cycle that went from "This is fucking shit, I'm going to fucking miss Stereolab, waited absolutely pissing ages for this, that's my luck all over, that is" to "Nah, mate, you're lucky as fuck, ten minutes later and you'd be squashed down the front projectile chundering all over their Moogs, Laetitia Sadier would have been like 'Zees ees unacceptable, ze tour ees ovairrgh!' and you'd end up some kind of dreadful meme because OF COURSE people would be filming it" to "How the fuck am I gonna get back from here to Penge without a thousand more sicks?". All the while I was thinking that it was still jetting out of my mouth like shite from a honey wagon.

It is nearly worth the whole stomach bug/food poisoning thing for the euphoria of eventually feeling well again though. There are dark moments at the centre of the emetic maelstrom where you start to think "Maybe this is my life now...this. Just being sick into a toilet forever, back and forth from bed to bowl til I'm 90." Once you're finally out the other side you're like Scrooge at the end of A Christmas Carol, running down the high street being all nice to people and enjoying life like a right old melt.

[The Culture Bunker]

Norovirus in 2016 and gastroenteritis in 2017. Christmas week, both. Have had ulcerative colitis flare-ups beside that most of me life too. Shitting myself bloody is something I am sadly all-too-familiar with.

Funnily enough, Christmas 2017 was last time my arse exploded, which doesn't happen too often as I only tend to eat the most plain, boring food possible as I can't trust my body to handle anything else.

But I'd spent Boxing Day with my family, including two nephews then aged one and three. Went into work the next day feeling fine, only for some rumblings to occur around the midday mark. Cue fizzy gravy galore. After three or four trips to the bogs, a colleague said "fuck me, you look awful. Get yourself home", which I was a bit reluctan to do as I didn't trust myself to survive the (minimum) 30 minute trip home without public humilation.

After spending a further hour sat in the work traps, I figured I must surely be empty and wobbled to the tram stop. Needless to say, I only just made it back home and got the kex off in time to save myself from some messy clean up work. Even by midnight, when I was crying for some sleep, every wee fart brought the terror of the follow through. By the next morning, I'd lost about eight pounds.

[Bazooka]

Just last night, filled up the sink, thank god for the blocker, then moved onto the bathroom.

[Janie Jones]

Brilliant post about clearly very distressing occurrence

My friend succumbed to a vomiting virus at Highbury and Islington, it's horrible being sick in public in London, people just assume you're pished and are really hostile and unhelpful. Particularly if they slip over in the contents of your stomach.

I clearly recall there are at least a couple of CaBbers who have that clinical phobia or aversion to vomiting. I assume they are steering well clear of this thread.