Author Topic: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb  (Read 763 times)

Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« on: September 10, 2019, 10:08:45 PM »
My lowest point. Defeated by a light fitting. A spotlight in the bathroom with a slightly raised gold coloured rim. I've tried unscrewing the gold bit but it will not budge. I'm wondering how it's supposed to be changed without the use of some dynamite or a lump hammer after being pushed over the edge. When all the spotlight bulbs are wasted do you have to get a new house?

In the words of Seinfeld, what's the fucking deal?

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2019, 10:10:26 PM »
Just get a new house.

Lordofthefiles

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2019, 10:13:44 PM »
You need something with a little sucker on it to get a grip/twist on the bulb.

One of them sticky darts out of my '80's cowboy toy gun would do it (my mam gave it to the jumble sale though).

Buelligan

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2019, 10:14:23 PM »
I expect it's one of those ones that you have to push (really rather hard) upwards (towards the fitting) and then twist very fucking firmly.  Sometimes it takes a couple of goes and more force than you think is reasonable.

Leave the gold bit alone, it has nothing to do with this.

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2019, 10:15:44 PM »
Get one of those drills that formula one pit men use to change the wheels on cars.

hamfist

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2019, 10:15:52 PM »
Is it a GU10 ?



I have these in my bathroom, and the one above the shower is some magic waterproof cunt, and a total bastard to get at. I have to screw off a really sticky cover to get at the bulb itself.

If you smash it, use half a potato - push it up into the wreckage so the "meat*" of the potato grips the remnant of the bulb allowing you to THRUST and TWIST to get it OFF.

* = veg

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2019, 10:16:17 PM »
Do you twist the glass bit or the gold coloured rim bit?

Buelligan

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #7 on: September 10, 2019, 10:17:09 PM »
The glass bit, leave the gold bit alone.  (As I've already instructed).

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2019, 10:18:06 PM »
Do you twist the glass bit or the gold coloured rim bit?

Glass.

Obviously I'm guessing. You can't sue me if your hand turns to bolognese on the shards you plunge it into.

Buelligan

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #9 on: September 10, 2019, 10:18:49 PM »
It would make the thread interesting, at least.  (A legal case, I mean)

Cloud

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2019, 10:19:31 PM »
Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #11 on: September 10, 2019, 10:19:50 PM »
The disappointing part is the plaster surrounding the thing is wearing away. What a stupid design. I don't need this. I'll just call the maintenance company and hope I'm in when he's changing the bastard cunt of a thing so I can observe.

touchingcloth

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #12 on: September 10, 2019, 10:19:58 PM »
Q: how many pharmacists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: they take them all themselves.

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #13 on: September 10, 2019, 10:20:22 PM »
Light is bad for the eyes in any case, it'll use them up. I spend much of my time in the dark, and I like it like that, your sense of touch heightens until you just have to touch everything. You'll be happier like this.

Buelligan

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #14 on: September 10, 2019, 10:21:19 PM »
28 years old and can't change a fucking light bulb. 

Rizla

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #15 on: September 10, 2019, 10:21:58 PM »
these things are pish, i have been on 1/3rd illumination in my bathroom since spring thanks to them. Remember when that newsnight woman got all arsey with the lass campaigning for tenant's rights? she was like "I'm a landlord and some of my tenants can't even change a lightbulb!" it's cos you fitted these shit things cos you think the flat you've bought-to-let is a fucking hotel or something you cunt.

sorry, don't know why I'm so angry tonight.

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #16 on: September 10, 2019, 10:22:57 PM »
Light is bad for the eyes in any case, it'll use them up. I spend much of my time in the dark, and I like it like that, your sense of touch heightens until you just have to touch everything. You'll be happier like this.

I can't touch everything. I'm a germophobe.

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #17 on: September 10, 2019, 10:23:31 PM »
Q: how many pharmacists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: they take them all themselves.

Yes👌

hamfist

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #18 on: September 10, 2019, 10:24:51 PM »


Mine look like this - left one is a bathroom one, right one is a normal one.

Left one I have to unscrew that big thicc metal ring to remove the glass cover and grasp the bulbous bulb then twist the bulb. Turning that thicc ring is really hard as it has some kind of seal to stop shower spray spaffing the electric up.

Right one I just have to squeeze the spring clip and it pops out and I can twist the bulb free.


Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #19 on: September 10, 2019, 10:25:06 PM »
these things are pish, i have been on 1/3rd illumination in my bathroom since spring thanks to them. Remember when that newsnight woman got all arsey with the lass campaigning for tenant's rights? she was like "I'm a landlord and some of my tenants can't even change a lightbulb!" it's cos you fitted these shit things cos you think the flat you've bought-to-let is a fucking hotel or something you cunt.

sorry, don't know why I'm so angry tonight.

I'm also angry because I was defeated by a light fitting. At fully 40 years old.

pancreas

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #20 on: September 10, 2019, 10:51:50 PM »
Sorry that I have to ask this … but have you considered pulling yourself together?

Cloud

  • Elon who?
Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #21 on: September 10, 2019, 11:01:42 PM »
Got to love a thicc ring

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #22 on: September 10, 2019, 11:20:13 PM »
Is the 'motherfucking' range part of the fleshlighttm series?

Kryton

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #23 on: September 11, 2019, 12:49:43 AM »
Try punching it.

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #24 on: September 11, 2019, 06:43:11 AM »
Take the circlip off first.

If no circlip I use one of the kids suction arrows (lick first (the arrow not the bulb)) and use to gently unscrew.


touchingcloth

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #25 on: September 11, 2019, 08:33:57 AM »
Instead of that nonsense with the thicc ring why don't they just use waterproof electric?

buzby

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #26 on: September 11, 2019, 09:36:25 AM »
If it's in a bathroom it might be the low-voltage DC GU5-type halogen downlighters, in which case they are just a push fit (two straight pins for connection, unlike the bayonet fitting lugs of the GU10) and trying to twist them will just end up turning the whole light fitting.

To get GU5 bulbs out the fittings usually come with a little rubber sucker that you stick onto the glass so you can pull them out of the fitting.

Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #27 on: September 11, 2019, 10:11:39 AM »
Fucking GU bulbs. Fucking GU clinic more like. Both absolutely AIDS.

Better Midlands

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #28 on: September 11, 2019, 10:48:21 AM »



Don't the teeny tiny UFOs change the bulbs for you?

Chollis

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Re: Can't Change a Motherfucking Lightbulb
« Reply #29 on: September 11, 2019, 10:51:21 AM »
some of the absolute bulbs in this thread!