THE FILMS OF QUENTIN TARANTINO BUT EVERY CHARACTER IS PETER KAY

[Fambo Number Mive]

Jackie Brown (Peter Kay) smuggles Panda Pops through LAX.

Ray Nicolette (Peter Kay, dressed like Max from Phoenix Nights) and LAPD detective Mark Dargus (cameo from Paddy McGuiness, dressed like Paddy from Phoenix Nights) stop her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Over here, flower"

[Replies From View]

have to cut the hand off; garlic bread lol

[marquis_de_sad]

(BAT TAPPING)

Lieutenant Peter Kay: 'ear that?

Nazi Peter Kay: Yes.

Lieutenant Peter Kay: That's Sergeant Peter Kayowitz. You might know him better by his nickname: The Brick Shithouse. Now, if you heard of Peter Kay the Apache, you're bound to have heard about The Brick Shithouse. He's like Big Daddy on the Atkins diet. Right out La Redoute, he is.
 
Nazi Peter Kay: I've heard of The Brick Shithouse, dick'ead.

NAZI PETER KAY WIPES TWO FINGERS ON HIS CHEEK

Lieutenant Peter Kay: What did you hear?

Nazi Peter Kay: Beats German soldiers with a club.

Lieutenant Peter Kay: He bashes their brains in with a baseball bat, big gob!

[dr_christian_troy]

PETER KAY is wearing a white suit and a hat while eating from a bucket of Kay FC on the porch of his bungalow estate, looking over at all of the slaves picking potatoes on his allotment.

PADDY MCGUINNESS walks around wearing leather, kicking the slaves whilst having a snout. He whips the slaves within an inch of their lives as KAY looks on

McGuinness: Crack on son!

Kay: KNOW YER PLACE!!!

[Kay (on DVD commentary): Oh Christ did we really say that?!

Kay and the other actors laugh on the commentary anyway]

Kay and McGuinness share a laugh. McGuinness joins him for some chips. DAVE SPIKEY has accidentally been mistaken for a slave and tries to join them for some food.

KAY: GET BACK YER BASTARD I'LL BREAK YER LEGS!

Kay slants his eyes using his fingers and does a racist impression. McGuinness spits out some chicken in laughter and chokes to death

[petril]

McGuinness(on DVD commentary, high pitched and laughing) fuckin' break yer legs!

[jobotic]

What happened to you lad, your arse were cracking once.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Soundtrack to be replaced by Peter humming the theme tunes to popular British television programs like they get him to do on I Love The 70's/80's/90's.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

MUUUUUM! MARVIN'S BRAINS FALLEN IN ME BREW!

[non capisco]

'Ow do! Can I have ticket for film but can I get in free?
Can you bollocks! Get in for free?! Get in? For free?
I'm in film! I'm Sharon bloody Tate, dick 'ead! Look, I'm on poster!
(looks) That's a picture of Peter Kay.
YOU'RE a picture of Peter Kay! Get manager!
(Manager comes out)
What do YOU want?
I want to get in film for free. I'm Sharon bloody Tate!
Sharon bloody Tate?
Sharon bloody Tate!
Sharon? Tate? Sharon bloody Tate?! Out of them Charles Manson murders?
That's me! Look at poster!
That's a drawing of Peter Kay with a massive head and little legs!
Just...let me in film, dick 'ead!

(Cut to PETER KAY in the cinema with his massive dirty bare trotters resting on the seat in front of him, smiling in delight as the cinema audience laugh at the feature presentation, Max and Paddy's Road To Nowhere Complete Series 1)

Hahaha, am I bollocks Sharon bloody Tate! Job's a good 'un!

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

I think we need photoshops here. Reservoir Dogs, but all of the crew with the Bolton funnyman's head, that sort of thing.

[easytarget]

JASON MANFORD: 'ow many smokin' barrels?

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?

Butch: It's a Raleigh Chopper, flower.

Fabienne: Whose Raleigh Chopper is this?

Butch: It's Zed's.

Fabienne: Who's Zed?

Butch: Zeds garlic bread, love. Zeds garlic bread.

[bgmnts]

KAY: D'yer know what they call a Garlic Bread in Paris?
KAY: What's tha'?
KAY: Pain à l'ail!

[Huxleys Babkins]

Oh, no. Oh, thank you, none of that foreign muck. What? Royale wi' cheese? Royale wi' cheese? Royale? Wi' cheese? Am I hearin' you right? Royale wi' cheese? No, thank you, I've got a Big Kahuna in t'case that'll do me. The tasty burger. The Royale wi' cheese!

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Mia and Vincent dance to the theme from Crossroads.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

The Bear Jew beats his victims to death with a Spacehopper. "Have it, y'twat!"

[idunnosomename]

*peter kay leaves toilet after enjoying a nice relaxing poo*

HEY! REMEMBER POP TARTS! BURN THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH OFF!!! IT WERE ON WATCHDOG *bang*

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

You ever listen to Tony Blackburn's Super Sounds of the Seventies weekend?