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Daft Things You've Laughed At

Started by Lisa Jesusandmarychain, September 13, 2019, 07:12:17 AM

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Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Playing Pool In A Bar In Bratislava, Circa 1995:

ONE OF MY COMPANIONS ( * NAMING THE DESIGNATED BALLS FOR WHICH HE WILL BE AIMING TO PUT IN THEM OLD POCKETS ON THE POOL TABLE*): " Right, I'm spots. Well, I'm not actually spots, I'm a human being...."

I laughed long and hard at this daft statement uttered in a Pool Hall in the capital of Slovakia in 1995. I still remember it to this day. 28 years old, I was.


Post your tales of laughing at daft things here.


NJ Uncut

I saw a portly fellow in the cinema

Huge bucket of popcorn and a massive Pepsi

Edges along the seats as Blade Runner Final Cut Honestly This Time starts up. People grumbling and moanin oh no he's big he's wide and moving is snide. Sidling so slowly, so apologetically, so very timidly, so carefully

Gets to his seat, home stretch, tubs.

Tries, I think, to push the seat down with snacks still in hand. He dips and the seat comes back up and the rotund gentleman must've jumped cause the Pepsi tumbled out and popcorn flew up, here, there, everywhere. Absolutely love the sight of popcorn swiftly landing after a swift ascent. Bouncing off heads, lodging in barnets

And he hollered OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!

I fuckin lost it. Chortling like the Legend I am. Lovely stuff, but I don't think the suits at the UN Christmas party would find it quite as enthralling?

Daft hilarious.

lebowskibukowski

At school a friend drew on a picture of a policeman leaning into a car in some textbook or another.
He used one of those four-coloured pens to colour in the man in the cars face, a quarter for each colour.
He then put speech bubbles on the picture.

Policeman : Seen any funny coloured men?
Man In Car: No

Don't know why, but it still tickles me to this day.

Another one at school, in the class room before the teacher arrives and everyone is chatting away, teacher enters quietly and we all seize talking apart from one friend who was questioning another on the other side of the room and hadn't noticed whispererd loud enough for everyone to hear....

"When you wank does anything come out?

Neville Chamberlain

All "Lisa Jesusandmarychain" threads are daft things I've laughed at.


Icehaven

There was a sports shop in Birmingham centre a few years ago that had a window display with a conveyor belt of baseball caps, and it always struck me as hilariously absurd. If I stood and watched it for a minute or so I'd end up in tears laughing, it just looked so silly, this slightly wobbly parade of ugly hats bobbing ceaselessly round and round. I miss it.


Icehaven

Quote from: Chollis on September 13, 2019, 12:30:50 PM




Oh god yeah mascots doing almost anything, but when they fall over and the races where there's loads of them are always good.

Captain Z

Not sure it counts as daft coming from a professional comedian but a Milton Jones joke on a re-run of Apollo last night really got me:

"My grandparents' names are Pearl and Dean, although I just call them Nana and Grandpapa-papa-papa-papa-papapaa..."

Quote from: icehaven on September 13, 2019, 12:29:23 PM
There was a sports shop in Birmingham centre a few years ago that had a window display with a conveyor belt of baseball caps, and it always struck me as hilariously absurd. If I stood and watched it for a minute or so I'd end up in tears laughing, it just looked so silly, this slightly wobbly parade of ugly hats bobbing ceaselessly round and round. I miss it.

AFC Bournemouth used to* have an animated effigy of club legend Steve Fletcher modelling the latest kit in a perspex case in the club shop. It would run on the spot like a slow-motion gazelle.

https://twitter.com/broadcastmoose/status/363619511645122561

*It might still be there. I've not been since they were in League 1 due to their ticket allocation system.

Jumblegraws

Quote from: Chollis on September 13, 2019, 12:30:50 PM



The tail flopping down post-tumble is a brilliant flourish. I can hear the slide-whistle.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

I dunno if this is more of a " laughing at things you shouldnae really be laughing at" thing, but...

When I was being a top teacher of English language in Greece, I found myself in one lesson speaking about how the disabled should be treated in the modern world. Most of the kids I taught in that skool in Greece were complete cunts, but this particular class wasn't badly behaved, and were generally a likeable bunch. Anyway, I'd posed this general question of how we, us lovely able bodied types should be treating those unfortunate types what can't walk and that in this thing we choose to call 'society' . One cheeky chappie was saying something in Greek in response to the question to his sister and a couple of mates,and seemed to be having a bit of a chortle to what was being said so I asked the lad himself to inform me of what was being said, in English, orbviously, so with a big old grin on his cheeky face, taking, obvious , unfeigned delight in the statement, replied "we throw them...*slight pause*....to the ground. ". Just because of the obvious pleasure he was taking in that answer, instead of being all teacherlike and stern and saying something like "I don't think that's a very appropriate answer.",after a split second of trying to compose a serious look on me ol' fizzog I actually burst out into spontaneous laughter, this having a chain reaction on the other students , and the whole class erupting into their own raucous laughter. The owner of the school , who happened to be in the building that day, came charging into the classroom to enquire what was the source of this merriment. I was in a bit of a difficult position at that point.


chrispmartha

Quote from: icehaven on September 13, 2019, 12:33:54 PM
Oh god yeah mascots doing almost anything, but when they fall over and the races where there's loads of them are always good.

Yes there is something inherently funny about people dressed up falling over etc,


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fajxEVoDAa0

The polar bear at 41 seconds got me :-)



I absolutely loved the original 'It's a Knockout' for that always gets me giggling like an idiot

Icehaven

Quote from: chrispmartha on September 13, 2019, 01:39:57 PM
Yes there is something inherently funny about people dressed up falling over etc,


It's partly because their facial expression obviously doesn't change, so even when they're tumbling down stairs or lying flat on their back in obvious pain they still have these dopey fixed grins and blank open eyes.

And because of how difficult it'll be for them to get up again. When I was about 8 I went to a nature roadshow thing and there were several people dressed as giant squirrels and birds etc., and my friend and I spent half the day plotting to push one over as the costumes were so bulky they'd have needed a winch to get back on their feet, but we bottled it. Years later I had to wear an 8ft tall Elmer the Elephant costume for World Book Day at work, and I lived in fear of some little shit like me only with more nerve sending me flying. As it was I had to be led around by a colleague as I couldn't see out of the thing at all, so she kept me upright.

imitationleather

Quote from: icehaven on September 13, 2019, 01:47:04 PM
It's partly because their facial expression obviously doesn't change, so even when they're tumbling down stairs or lying flat on their back in obvious pain they still have these dopey fixed grins and blank open eyes.


pigamus

Think I've mentioned this before, but the RHLSTP with Mark Gatiss where he describes Paul McCartney as looking like a "middle-aged postwoman". I mean it's essentially a meaningless statement but it left me hysterical for a good five minutes.

Dex Sawash


FredNurke

Quote from: pigamus on September 13, 2019, 01:51:32 PM
Think I've mentioned this before, but the RHLSTP with Mark Gatiss where he describes Paul McCartney as looking like a "middle-aged postwoman". I mean it's essentially a meaningless statement but it left me hysterical for a good five minutes.

I once provoked a surprising amount of laughter by referring to Macca's ageing process as "grannification", so maybe there's something intrinsically funny about Pretty Paul getting old.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: FredNurke on September 13, 2019, 02:32:56 PM
I once provoked a surprising amount of laughter by referring to Macca's ageing process as "grannification", so maybe there's something intrinsically funny about Pretty Paul getting old.

I suppose there *is* something inherently amusing about the fact that the once handsome Fab Macca looks like Lynne Perrie (Former "Coronation Street" actress, was clearly pissed on an episode of "Shooting Stars", now dead ) nowadays.

NJ Uncut

I find this inherently hilarious:

A man, naked, apart from bowler hat, moustache, glasses, with a cane or umbrella, socks, those funny strap things that come out of socks from the past, and shiny nice shoes.

Can work with red heart boxers, ditto stiffie

In school in drama, we were told to draw our own ideal Titanic, and Kirk Seabourne and his chums decided to draw a floating brothel, complete with a rubber dingy with two people shagging on it. After Miss Brown had been bollocking them for half an hour she hadn't noticed the rest of the class were watching in, she then posed them the question, do you think this is funny? Whole class was creasing.

H-O-W-L

Really big poo streaks down the U-bend of the bog. Not mine, but they made me laugh so hard I could barely hold the toilet brush. Don't know why.

easytarget


easytarget

The punchline : 'Look at me, I'm SCART Garfunkel!'

Cold Meat Platter

People dressed up as food. Bananas, hot dogs, carrots, you know the drill. You know what food is and what costumes are.
May have been brought on by watching an old fruit and fibre commercial where someone was being chased by hazelnuts and sultanas while I was on acid.

The Halloween episode of Bottom is great for this.

Twed

Somebody pointing out to me that Grace Hopper, the person who inspired/coined (whatever) the term "computer bug" due to finding an actual bug (insect) in a computer has a name that sounds like "grasshopper".


JamesTC

A friend in high school stealing this book:


Over a decade later and it is still etched into the brain.