Fake TV Shows

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Probation Probation Probation- An annoying camp twat and Puss In Boots look at their top 5 reformed young offenders.

[Morrisfan82]

Pun-key Tennis?: half an hour of unsurprising suggestions for TV programmes based on dull puns.

Followed by a show based on the internet's The Onion.

[dan dirty ape]

YOU'RE CHAV-ING A LAUGH, INT'CHA?!!
CCTV camera footage of the working classes on a high street at night, for the edification of the middle classes. Oh-ho-ho, that one's eating chips straight from the bag! How delightfully unreconstructed! Can we buy one, Daddy?

[weekender]

YOU'RE CHAV-ING A LAUGH, INT'CHA?!!
CCTV camera footage of the working classes on a high street at night, for the edification of the middle classes. Oh-ho-ho, that one's eating chips straight from the bag! How delightfully unreconstructed! Can we buy one, Daddy?

Or, if you live in Birmingham, see them stabbing someone to death when they're walking through Birmingham town centre late at night, for no reason whatsoever apart from the fact that they can.

Results 1 - 10 of about 24,300 for birmingham stabbing.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/4317333.stm

[gazzyk1ns]

They're unusually specific about the ages there, aren't they?

[dan dirty ape]

Re: Weekender's post

I've got a scar inches from my jugular thanks to some arsehole with a Stanley knife just because he could. I wasn't trying to defend antisocial idiots with that post, more have a bit of a go at parts of the media's recent 'chav' obsession that lumped part of society into an amorphous whole to have a good old fashioned sneer across the class divide.

This has all been done to death before, hasn't it? As yuz were.

[VorpalSword]

My Parents Are Illegal Aliens - Molly brings in a second income by using the kids as coke mules.

I'm still Alan Partridge - In yet another attempt to diversify his acting range, Steve Coogan returns to television and once again plays the hapless idiot. Not much of a stretch really, is it?

The Good Life - 'Reimagined' version of an older television series, starring Vin Diesel as self-suficient lunatic, Tom Good, and Joe Pasquali as his doting wife, Barbara.

[Cliche Guevara]

Supermarket Creep: Dale Winton literally takes a revealing look into what goes on in the lingerie section changing rooms of Marks and Spencer stores around the country. To get as much information as possible without been spotted Dale peeps through the nearby food shelves.

Blind Bait: The televised death of Cilla Black. First her eyes are slashed, then gouged out and she is fed to the sharks.

Blind 'Bate: A group of three men in their twenties who suffered from a loss of sight during their adolescent years warn youngsters of the dangers of excessive wanking in this open educational programme.

[peet]

Blind Waite
Terry Waite highlights the plight of the visually challenged by wearing a blindfold for a week, to demonstrate the amount of extra time he is forced to stand in queues when selfish sighted people push in front of him.

May To Dismember
Angry guitarist Brian May spends eight months travelling around Britain armed with axes and butcher knives, on a personal mission to chop dull inept solicitors to death.

Bremer, Bird And Fortune
In this candid interview, former US administrator of Iraq Paul Bremer talks to Kirsty Wark about his new 20-year-old wife, and unexpected newfound prosperity.

Last Of The Summer Wine special - Pop A Cap On My Ass
Foggy, Compo and Clegg go on a mission to the seaside to save an ageing donkey from the knackers yard - by sneaking it away disguised as a fellow old man.
Lifelike reconstruction of deceased cast members by the team that made Walking With Dinosaurs.

[Cliche Guevara]

Crime Watch UK: A cartoon in which a mischievous petty criminal, who has the face of a clock, wreaks havoc all over the nation.

Teenage Putin's Hero Turtles: An informative documentary looking at the early life of Russian leader, Vladimir Putin, and how he made it to where he is today. Most of the show is spent dealing with his suffering of a fatal and dreaded skin disease in his teenage years. Luckily, in a life-changing discovery, Russian scientists found chemicals in the digestive systems of turtles and tortoises to successfully heal the condition of young Vladimir.

[Sivead]

log It! - Experts  value peoples excrement and watch it go under the hammer *splat*

Mash In The Attic - Experts fill peoples lofts with mash potato and return a yeah later to see whether or not their lives have improved.

[off the cuff]

How Clean is your Crack Kim and Aggie show you how to clean up your crack and steam clean a tenner

[Santa's Boyfriend]

Love Thy Neighbour - The Next Generation  Eddie Boothe Jr moves home only to discover his new neighbours are islamic terrorists.

Mark Thomas' Theory of Everything  Political comedian Mark Thomas investigates the Labour Government and MI6's involvement in the Big Bang and subsequent creation of the universe.

Fat Bastards Lowbrow voyeuristic reality tv masquerading as some kind of public health awareness drive, allowing us to all point and laugh at fat people from the comfort of our living rooms.  This week:  Look how his bum wobbles when he jumps up and down!  Uurgh!

Newscorp Hypnotism Hour  Rupert Murdoch dispenses with mixing news with opinion in The Sun and Sky News, and decides instead to go for a more direct approach and hypnotise the nation into thinking what he wants them to think.

[biggestdale]

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Edward Norton plays Larry David; a disgruntled ex-sitcom writer who invites enthusiastic people to put their f'n mouths on the curb.

[gazzyk1ns]

Here's a particularly ridiculous one:

You're Fayed

Programme centered around Mohammed Al Fayed. Could involve someone unexpected, like Keith Allen, for added interest. Oh hold on...

Documentary
You're Fayed
10:00pm - 11:05pm
Channel 4

Ah, that title - it was surely just crying out to be attached to a programme. And here is it, a jolly canter with engaging enfant terrible Keith Allen through the life of Mohamed Al Fayed. Allen admits that he's besotted by his subject: "There's something intoxicating about standing next to an anarchist," he says of his proximity to the owner of Harrods and the self-propelled scourge of the British "establishment" (whatever that is these days). Allen talks in admiring tones about Fayed's taking on of the "establishment" as he flies on Fayed's private jet to his castle in Scotland and follows him around Harrods. Along the way, Allen meets former and current employees of this derided figure, none of whom has a bad word to say about him. Poignantly, Allen is allowed to visit the London and Paris apartments of Fayed's son Dodi, both of which are preserved just as Dodi left them before his death with Princess Diana on that August night in 1997.

[slim]

Top Trumps
15 contestants try to assassinate Donald Trump. Watch as 14 hapless unfortunates are summarily executed by his bodyguards.

Kevin Lovely
Self-referential look at the Islington high street clothes store scene. Of interest to few.

Brown on Brown
Amazing new sitcom featuring Gordon Brown and Roy 'Chubby' Brown. This week: Gordon lowers taxes on string vests and ridiculous fucking hats.

The Power of Scary Dreams
Insightful and insightful documentary insightfully revealing the tricks of the Neo-Conservative trade and providing an insightful insight into the tricks played by governments. Largely unseen documentary; changed nothing. Insightful though.

Poo Idol
Scat pop with Cat Scat.

[Santa's Boyfriend]

The Scatolympics

international sports event in which contestants attempt to swallow the most  human feces possible in one go.  This week's guest donators:  Lembit Opek, Muhammed Al Fyed, Debbie Magee and Andy Gilchrist.

[Cambrian Times]

Drop the Dead Wonky Donkey

A sitcom based around the behind the scenes antics of any Ant and Dec based programme.

[DAZ 66]

LIFE AFTER HAROLD.  new series.


Follow Primrose Shipman as she explores the joys of single life.

Episode one---Speed dating.

[Rolodex Propaganda]

Some Mothers Can't 'Ave 'Em - Controversial sitcom starring Michael Crawford as a transexual who wants a baby.

The Bills - ITV Drama about a group of  undercover crime busters disguised as various household bills. In this weeks episode, one of team get's lost at the sorting office.

Blue Peters - Andi Peters shares some of his favourite jokes with a celebrity audience.

[Derek Trucks]

Cohen Underground - Johnathon Cohen vists pubs that you have to walk down a flight of stairs in order to enter.[/b]

[hansen mork]

Late night Hollyoaks- Watch as the cast of Hollyoaks sleep in their beds.

[Cliche Guevara]

Telechubbies- A documentary following a group of couch potato children and how they spend their time. In a harsh analysis of the "fat generation" the dangers of over-eating in front of the television for hours each day are exposed in terrifying fashion.

The Sleepover Rub- An insight into what really goes on at teenage slumber parties. The realities of moral decline amongst youngsters are finally revealed.

[SurferGhost]

Late night Hollyoaks- Watch as the cast of Hollyoaks sleep in their beds.

Yeah, but they're doing it IN CHARACTER, and that takes TALENT!

11:00 Panorama: Behind the Blue Curtain
A revealing look at the real lives of the neo-fascist denizens of a bitter, joyless internet message board.

It's funny because it's true.

Let's Burn Them: New early morning C4 flagship discussion show in which Mark Lawson, Jimmy Carr and guests review some classic archive television, dismiss it as unsophisticated, and then burn the master tapes.

JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMster: Jimmy Carr introduces the first of C4's new flagship nightly six-hour broadcasts of "popular" mobile ringtones as  remixed by Chris Morris. Featuring Sweety The Dead Baby.

That'll Teach Em To Fake My House Makeover Sex Swap Auction For A Day: C4's new flagship property reality show where celebrities including Jimmy Carr are put to the vote after trying their hand at reversible gender reassignment surgery in a newly-renovated 17th Century schoolhouse whilst teaching troubled teens to value furniture and art brought along by members of the public, with only a day's training using 1950s teaching methods.

Jimmy Carr Jimmy Carr, Jimmy Carr Jimmy Carr, Jimmy Carr Carr,  Carr Carr Carr: C4's new LIVE flagship Satire show, written by and starring Jimmy Krankie and Richard Ayoade. Old broom Chris Morris does some sweeping up after the show.

Flagship 4: C4's new flagship 3am show about flags. And ships. Presented by Jodie Marsh and Mitch Benn.
With a special appearance by Jimmy Carr.

Derren Brown's Jiggerypokery: Through purely psychological means, Derren Brown helps C4 convince the public that it's worth watching C4.
With Jimmy Carr.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Cohen Underground - Johnathon Cohen vists pubs that you have to walk down a flight of stairs in order to enter.[/b]

At the risk of annoying people: Ahahahahahaha!!!!!

That's just gold.

[SurferGhost]

The Kay(e) Twins: Peter Kay's hilarious new C4 sitcom about the  Northern Mafia, co-starring his real-life twin brother Vernon Kay(e). This week, Vernon mugs furiously while Peter begs Dave Spikey for the lend of a decent joke for old time's sake. Gary Glitter guest stars as "Uncle Gary".

Your Life's In The Shitter If You Haven't Got An Aga: A team of experts led by Colin And Justin (of Colin And Justin fame), June Sarpong and Jodie Marsh offer hard-hitting advice to useless plebs with no taste like you in C4's new lifestyle program.

Mortuary Ladder: In the first of a new twenty-nine part series, Sarah Beeny, Kirsty Allsop and Whatshisface join forces to renovate a dead horse in order to flog it to a C4 commissioning editor.

Leigh Francis: Behind The Neckbrace: A revealing documentary about how the man behind Avid Merrion is secretly at the mercy of the people who edit his show, and is in reality rather an amusing fellow. Narrated by Jo Unwin.

Who Are You Again ?: C4's Krishnan Guru-Murty interviews Richard Blackwood,  in an attempt to discover just what it is he does again exactly, and if it involves "keeping it real" at all by any chance.

Who Got Channel Four's Millions ?: An investigation into C4's Friday night schedule, with Jimmy Carr.

The Exorcism: In a special live broadcast, greengrocer and part-time exorcist Eric Timms attempts to free C4 of the restless spirit of it's own long-dead integrity, and help it to finally cross over to the other side (BBC4).
Presented by Satan's little helper, Carol Vorderman.

[SurferGhost]

Would like To Embalm: Each week relationship experts Jordan, Jim Davidson and Paul Gascoigne sensitively guide a troubled single deviant through the ins and outs of necrophilia, with the help of the revolutionary StiffCam™ and a crate or two of Stella Artois. Invariably Jordan will get drunk and offer herself to the subject of that week's episode, and be snubbed in favour of the corpse.

Get Off Your Overpaid Arse And Do Something Different For A Change You One-Note Talentless Twat: Celebrity challenge series. This week, Ross Kemp joins The Royal Ballet for a week of gruelling training. Next week: James Nesbit tries his hand at acting.

The Anodyne Review: In tonight's show, Kirsty Wark interviews Ben Elton and Sir Noddy Holder about their new hit musical, "Olroight! (Far Far Away from being an original idea)", and in a specially-filmed report Boris Johnson attends an exhibition of "bicycle clip-art" at Tate Modern, and bumps into something and knocks it over, obviously.
Then as usual, Tom Paulin sits alone in a darkened studio talking to himself about Beowulf while Germaine Greer and Mark Kermode watch on a monitor outside and try not to piss themselves laughing.

HAH-HAA! I bet THAT'S Offended You! : Each week, cheeky tv subversive Marc Wootton, in a wide variety of hilarious and controversial guises, appears to rape a festering corpse in front of an audience of crying toddlers, and then cleverly mocks their naivety by not letting them in on the fact that he was merely using a flesh-coloured dildo. Featuring the vocal talents of Paul Darrow, who was Avon off of that Blake's Seven.

The All New Mark Benton Show With Mark Benton: Everybody's favourite cuddly Geordie, Mark Benton, finally gets his own revue show, in which he plays all the parts. And the ad breaks have been given over in their entirety to a showing of all of his Nationwide ads (as directed by popular Welsh comedian 'Arm-and-Hando' Ian Hootchie). A different episode of The All New Mark Benton Show With Mark Benton will be broadcast simultaneously on every channel until further notice.

[slim]

Trouble sleeping SurferGhost? Your loss is our gain... :)

We could produce a book between us at this rate. Let's Burn Them sounds like enough to make one's blood* boil.


* Is there a word for that? When you colour a word to represent it's meaning? Like: I am an orange and a banana.


Edit: M for N.

[The Duck Man]

Ethnic Cleansing Heart warming documentary about the Red Cross providing hot showers for newly arrived illegal immigrants

Silent Witness Jeff, 29 - the key witness in the prosecution of a wife beater - sees how long he can stay silent in the box in this hilarious hidden camera show. Hosted by Ant.

Waking the Dead In this new psychological experiment Trevor Eve bursts into funerals thrilling and then ultimately destroying distraught relatives with claims he can "wake the dead"

[Mister Six]

Some Mothers Do 'Ave ME - a hard hitting documentary about single mothers suffering from one of the medical science's most misunderstood diseases. Narrated by Stuart Marconie.