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Fake TV Shows

Started by The Duck Man, March 24, 2005, 06:44:27 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

DanceLikeYourSellingNails

Rude Neighbours Late-night edition of the Australian Soap. Harold's stand-up routine is pulling in the punters at Lassiters, but a gay disabled  jewish kid takes offence to one of his jokes. Lana returns, pregnant with Sky's baby - will their emotions get the better of them? Lynn's wrinkly old breasts are the visual aid at Toadie and David's charity "Aussie-rules Wank-a-Thon".

Celebrity Circumcision - Live Dermot O'Leary and Tara-Palmer Thompkinson host the grand final.

Question TimeTonight's panelists are Charles Clarke MP, Ian Duncan-Smith, Maeve Sherlock ,  Alan Sugar and Linsey Dawn-McKenzie.

gazzyk1ns

Babygambles - Endemol take reality TV to a new level. One single woman joins 12 men on an idyllic island. She must take it in turns to date and have sex with each of the men, during which time she must work out if they're single or not. If she thinks they are attached, she must take the morning-after pill the following day - if she thinks they are single, she simply lets nature take its course. When the woman falls pregnant, it will be revealed to her whether she guessed correctly about the man's relationship status; if she was right then she gets to keep her baby, but if she was wrong then the man and his partner get to keep it.

Santa's Boyfriend

Wanking the Dead

Acclaimed drama series about a group of forensic specialists with an inclination towards necrophilia.

Episode 3 of 8 - "A Death in the Family", part 1.  The forensic team become emotionally confused when a member of their team is murdered and they suddenly find themselves sexually attracted to her still-bleeding corpse.

There's No Face Like Holmes - in which GMTV star Eamon Holmes travels the world to prove his drunken claim that no-one else looks like him.

My Best Friend's Weeding - gardening show in which housewives' favourite Alan Titchmarsh helps his best friend with the perrenial chore of removing weeds from the flowerbeds.

According to Beck's - beer-sponsored sitcom starring Jessica Stevenson. This week, Jessica enjoys a refreshing beer while discussing her relationship problems, and has a date in a bar over a bottle of Beck's, with hilarious consequences.

Stash in the Attic - Alistair Appleton, the 'just a pretty face' antiques star, goes to someone's house under the pretext of selling their goods to fund their naff second honeymoon to Florida, while expert Jonty Hearnden raids the attic to reveal their large horde of illegal drugs.

Taking the Piss - Humourous fly-on-the-wall documentary, offering a wry look at the world of nursing homes. Narrated by Peter Kay.

Gay Search's Gay Search - documentary in which the humourously-named green-fingered friend-of-the-begonias Gay Search seeks out a gay lover in the nation's garden centres.

Neighbours from Hell - spin-off from the popular Aussie soap, set deep within the bowels of Satan's sulphrous pits of eternal damnation. This week, Lynn gets annoyed when Harold toasts her intestines over a river of burning lava, and Toadie receives a mysterious phonecall.

Robot Whores - self-expanatory. With Craig Charles and Philippa Forrester.

Finnegan's Wake - live coverage of Judy's long-anticipated state funeral and procession throught the streets of Berkshire with commentary by David Dimbleby and a hyseterical Richard Madeley.

100 Best Bestists - Tragically unimaginative list show where Bohemian Rhapsody wins again, followed by Del-Boy falling through a bar, and that bit on Blue Peter where John Noakes fell in some poo or something.

Barrelscrape - Channel 4 literally scrape the bottom of a barrel, revealing in the woodgrain the ghoulish face of Jimmy Carr.

And, of course, the shadows cast by the London Marathon

SurferGhost

Quote from: "slim"Trouble sleeping SurferGhost?
God yes.

Space Club's Seven: Following the success of "Christopher Eccleston Is Doctor Who By Russell T Davies With Mark Benton", former S Club 7 stars Grumpy, Raucous, Tuneless, Poxy, Twatty, Cockney and Dopey reunite in BBC3's compelling new re-imagineering of a cult SF tv classic. This new 27-part science-fiction musical comedy drama reality show, written by Julia Davis, promises to be a thrilling rollercoaster ride of entertainment as each week our heroes attempt to bring down the evil BPI. Simon Cowell guest stars as Servalan, the BPI's evil yet sexy representative on Earth.

I bet Davey Jones has probably done that one already.

The Mark Heap Show And Tell: Crazy-eyed Mark Heap brings his own brand of dark comedy to BBC3, as each week he talks to a class of under-fives about a subject of his own choosing in a slightly unnerving manner for two and a half hours, while making that face. Live and dangerous, this unscripted comedy written by Julia Davis and Marc Wootton is sure to plumb new depths if we're lucky.

Ant And Dec's Sunday Night Arse-kicking Contest: Who is best at kicking the others' arse, is it Ant or Dec? And which one is Ant and which one is Dec again? In ITV1's new 59-part entertainment extravaganza, presenters Stuart Maconie, Mark Benton and unidexter George Spiggott invite viewers to phone in and vote. Please.
With musical guest Sonia.

Celebrity Bargain Hunt: Each week, Claire Sweeney invites two teams of ordinary members of the public to pay £2 per head to charity in order for the privilege of being able to hunt down and kill (in a manner of their own choosing) an unsuspecting celebrity. Now that's what we call a bargain!

The Heart Knows No Corset: Jordan, Jodie Marsh and Linsey Dawn McKenzie star in BBC3's lavish new costumeless drama (based on the novel by Julia Davis) following the trials of three innocent lesbian dominatrix sisters unjustly confined to a convent by their grasping cousin (played by Angus Deayton) after the death of their kindly wealthy father (played by Peter O'Toole in what he hopes to Christ will not be his last role). Having fallen into the evil clutches of The Motherfucker Superior (tv's Marc Wootton) our heroines can only hope that dashing, moist-eyed, girly-lipped, long thin streak Mr Arsey (Casanova star David Tennant) will be able to save them from a fate worse than glamour modelling. Will the sisters manage to escape, or will they just stay and diddle some nuns instead? Follow the twists and turns of the plot as the sisters betray each other in turn as photo opportunities arise.

Available on special edition 'Continental Strength' DVD from the BBC website in June 2005.

SurferGhost

Ant and Dec's Cotton-Pickin' Pulpit-Poppin' Pope-Pickin' Sunday Night Pew-Packer: As part of ITV1's commitment to religious interest programming, Ant and Dec present this special one-off entertainment extravaganza in which a panel of celebrities including Sinead O'Connor, The Rev. Ian Paisley and Graham Norton are invited to help choose the next head of the Roman Catholic Church.

gazzyk1ns

Celebrity Fat Camp - Profile of Elton John.

Lee

Answer Time - a hybrid of Question Time and Jeopardy. Self explainitory.

SurferGhost

Look Around Hugh: Each week, erudite host Stephen Fry invites a celebrity panel to investigate the nooks and crannies of his m'colleague Hugh Laurie and find out interesting facts about him, whilst Hugh performs an expertly-crafted but seemingly effortlessly-produced topical song which makes resident team captain Mitch Benn weep into a bucket.

Hypnotoad.

These are all fucking ace, by the way

Lee

These are all fucking ace, by the way - the National Television Awards, with a new name.

SurferGhost

Fingersniffs: Sapphic Victorian melodrama from the makers of The Heart Knows No Corset.

I have now gone too far.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Bill Oddie Goes Wild In Iceland

Woops.

Points Of You- Terry Wogan tracks down people who complain about BBC programmes and remind them how ugly and imperfect they are.

DanceLikeYourSellingNails

Channel 4's Top 100...Celebrity Paedophiles Jonathon King, Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter are due all make this years list, plus a few surpises! With Jimmy Carr.

Eastenders Pauline buys a Washing machine and tumble-dryer, Zoe farts and Gary ties his shoelaces. A mysterious stranger arrives to fix the jukebox in the Vic.

gazzyk1ns

My Hart Will Go On - one-off wildlife special, focusing on the owner of a six year-old male red deer. The time has come to release the creature into the wild - but how will he fare?

SurferGhost

Just finishing itself off now on BBC4: A profile of Sarah Roger Waters, acclaimed author of Fingersniffs, Staining The Gussett, and Pink Floyd's Dark Inside Of The Womb.

EDIT: Oh, sorry, that's not fake.

DanceLikeYourSellingNails

Blind DateFun-dating show hosted by Cilla Black. 3 male contestants answer questions in an attempt to woo a female contestant into choosing them for a week's mystery holiday. The male must then spend the next week caring for the lady, as she is registered as blind-diabetic and needs constant 24 hour care.


Strictly Children's Hospital Children from Great Ormond Street Hospital, London are joined by a professional dance trainer and have one week to learn a variety of dances before a panel of celebrity judges. The winning child then must decide whether to have emergency treatment to save their own life, or make the ultimate sacrifice and let the runner-up take the ambulance straight into theatre. With Bruce Forsythe and Tess Daly.

"Stars" In Their Eyes Members of the public are transformed into their favourite pop star, but are blasted in each eye with 4000 degree blasts of laser before they take the stage. The winner takes home £100, a record contract and "corrective surgery" vouchers.

Rude Neighbours Episode 2939. Serena joins a new after-school Far-Right Organization. Boyd's ruptured penis takes some explaining to Dr. Karl. Sindi's abortion goes horribly wrong, and has Izzy's church burning gone too far?

PlaybusClassic BBC Kids show, originally shown in 1992. The Why Bird stop. Todays guest's are a village Baker, and Bill Hicks.

Jemble Fred

Quote from: "Shoulders?-Stomach!"
Points Of You- Terry Wogan tracks down people who complain about BBC programmes and remind them how ugly and imperfect they are.

Haven't read most of this thread, but that one's convinced me that it'll be worth it. I want to see this programme.

DanceLikeYourSellingNails

Wife Swap : What Happened Next Prince Charles explains why horse-faced Camilla Parker-Bowels makes a better wife than the younger, glamourous and beautiful Diana Spencer.

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Off Gear! 9 Celebrity drug addicts spend two weeks in the Australian jungle. With Daily "Bush-Tucker Trials" where contestants compete for daily doses of methadone for the camp.

hansen mork

Dr who?- A documentary that investigates how Harold Shipman manged to kill so many for so long.

Cliche Guevara

Petrescu Pet Rescue- Former Romanian football star, Dan Petrescu, documents his early life as a boy in Nicolae Ceasescu's brutal Romania. As the only fit boy with parents to feed him in his poverty-stricken village, it was always up to Dan to save the cats and dogs from the mischievious Red Army. He is also famous for risking his life retrieving several farmers' animals from Government headquarters where they were stolen and rounded up in the name of 'collectivisation'. An intersting look at a true Romanian hero.

Tar's In Their Eyes- ITV's attempt to "street-up" their usual Stars In Their Eyes slot in all senses of the word. Contestants must impersonate hip-hop acts. The losers suffer at the hands of the audience who are equipped with buckets of steaming-hot tarmacadam to fling at them. Presented by M. Kelly.

Monty's Python - Gardener's World megastar Monty Don gets his surprisingly large knob out, in the popular gardening/consumer affairs/porno cross-over.

Howards' Weigh - Michael Howard and Howard from the Halifax adverts travel the country in their Howardmobile guessing the weight of members of the public and minor celebrities, before seeing who was closest using a set of digital scales from the back of the van.

Calm Down, Dear - Primetime ITV sitcom written by, directed by, and starring Michael Winner as Mr. and Mrs Michael Winner, with guests Michael Winner as a fairy, Michael Winner as a witch, and someone who says 'I'm not your sister.'  Words 'postmodern' and 'ironic' bandied around to disguise the fact that it's shit.

Kay Kaye and Kaye's KKK - Phoenix Nights comedy Northerner Peter Kay, T4 comedy Northerner Vernon Kaye and Loose Women star Kaye Adams present an in-depth 12-minute discussion on the Ku Klux Klan, with phone-ins and viewers' e-mails. Special guest: Claire Sweeney.

The Adams Family - Primetime ITV sitcom in which Gerry Adams and Kaye Adams play a couple living in a spooky house or something, with their wayward son Tony Adams. Episode 1: Some stuff happens, probably.

Gunther - Friends spin-off featuring the never-popular bleached blonde bartender, who loves Rachel (TV's Jennifer Aniston.)

À la recherche du temps perdu - Gay acclaimed gay scriptwriter and gay Russell T. Davies' 147-part adaptation of the Proust classic, where the BBC wilfully cast Billie Piper in every role with no evidence of her acting ability, because we want to, because we want to.

Smash Hits - an alternative charts show, where people vote for the most cringeworthy, musical-crime from that week's hits.  The 'winner' then has every available copy smashed to pieces by the crowd who have been armed with hammers and other suitable implements.

mothman

Filth Gear - In the final stage of their humiliating downfall after leaving the BBC, Quentin Wilson, Tiff Needell and Vicki Butler-Henderson test the latest leather & rubber bondage wear.

gazzyk1ns

Celebrity Dettox Live - Famous names show us how to properly sterilise worksurfaces with the popular brand of spray cleaner.

Sleighve Drivers - The country's harshest taskmasters travel to the Arctic and race each other in Husky-driven toboggans.

Doctor Who!? - BNP propaganda film, complaining about "all them bloody Indian doctors - you can't even pronounce their names!".

Judge John Reid - The public give their verdict on the Labour MP for Hamolton North & Bellshill.

The Saw Shank Redemption - Heart-warming tale of how butchers across the country successfully fought to regain their right to slice lamb with traditional meat saws, after modern health and safety regulations prohibited it.

The Shore-Tank Reed/Hemp Tonne - Fascinating documentary detailing how a filtration tank on the British coast became blocked with stray reeds, and was subsequently used by cannabis dealers to store a whole tonne of the drug.

mothman

Witness Relocation Witness Relocation Witness Relocation - Phil and Kirsty take noted gangland figures around various houses in a part of rural England of their choosing, to see if tbey can locate any Supergrasses.

Parkinson's - clips of the popular talkshow host's greatest hits (including the hilarious 'Emu' incident) humourously linked by an increasingly ailing Mohammed Ali.

Feltz' Felts - Vanessa Feltz presents a 12-part documentary about her favourite felts, discussing their relative benefits and drawbacks.

Pepys Show - period costume sitcom based on the Samuel Pepys diaries, filmed in an innovative POV style.

Celebrity I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here - Celebrity version of the popular Australian jungle show, with Ant and Dec. Celebrities humiliating themselves this time include HRH Prince Charles, singer Madonna, film star Robert de Niro, former Prime Minister Margeret Thatcher, equal rights activist Nelson Mandela, His Holiness the Archbishop of Canterbury, actress Nicole Kidman, and GMTV's Mr Motivator.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

QuotePepys Show - period costume sitcom based on the Samuel Pepys diaries, filmed in an innovative POV style.

Hah! Terrific!

DanceLikeYourSellingNails

Rude Neighbours Episode 3984. Susan and Sindi's swingers club gets un-wanted attention from Lou and Sventlanka. Stringray's "ballon-modelling" kiss-o-gram causes confusion at a local fundamentalist Christian Union meeting and Luka and Liliana enjoy a  mother-sun bonding night on Ketamine, But how far will they go?

Pride and Prejudice Everyweek teams from Britain's most extreme Right and Left wing organizations battle it out in a "It's A Knockout!" style family-fun gameshow, presented by Cat Deely and Harry Hill.

David Blaine : 44 Days American illusionist David Blaine spends 44 days in a good, positive, entertaining and outgoing mood.

This Morning With Richard Not Judy The BBC give Richard Herring and Stewart Lee a third series, with proper scheduling and promotion

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Cliff Hangar- A documentary about the workings of an aircraft hangar, situated precariously on the edge of a cliff of sedimentary rock. Watch Cliff Hangar live and keep up to date with the rate of erosion, and the countdown to when the Hangar will be no longer operable.

London's Burbling- A biting sideswipe of the appalling dictat of London's population, and targets them as babbling incoherent idiots. Presented by Lenny Henry.

Follow Through The Keyhole- Loyd Grossmen defecates through the front doors of Britain's elite.

Antiques Roadshow Live From Donnington- Stock car races charge around Britains best racecourse with highly valuable but effectively useless ornaments owned by crusted hags, smashing and breaking as they go. The subsequent drop in value of all the items is given to charity, instead of the ever tightening pockets of backwater aristocrats.