Not Accepting Middle Age Neddy

[Glebe]

"Really bummed for Corbyn. Man, these are grim times. Having said that, I've been a true blue Tory for all of my 35 years."

[Glebe]

"You're never too old for Christmas! And at 28, I'm not even old!"

[Glebe]

Neddy turns up at a hip party with a Prefab Sprout cassette and a crate of Bass.

[Better Midlands]

Neddy turns up at a hip party with a Prefab Sprout cassette and a crate of Bass.

Oi Oi saveloy!

[Glebe]

Neddy writes a list of his favourite things of 2019:

Harp Lager

The Downton movie

That Robbie Williams Christmas album

Boris' hair! (so funny!)

Binge watching The Sopranos

Seeing Deacon Blue live (opening my new local Tesco)

[Glebe]

Ned's office Christmas party is in full swing and he is feeling suitably refreshed.

"Who remembers Showaddywaddy?"

"Where they a punk band?"

"Nah, they were a celebration of the 1950's, Temping Tony!"

"That was when you were born, weren't it?"

"Fuck off! I was a child of the '80s, me. Well... figuratively speaking."

[Glebe]

"I can't believe people are still bothered going to see GNR... sure, Slash is back, but talk about old hat! Give me Dido any day!"

[Glebe]

"Boomer, don't fail me now!" Ned tells himself as he psyches himself up to go to a hip nightclub.

[Glebe]

Neddy throws all his rare, first-edition prog rock vinyl in a skip in case his hot, 34 year-old date should happen upon them if she comes back to his bedsit tonight. If she comes back.

[Glebe]

"Brexit, Trump impeachment, Tory win, Baby Yoda... I've been following it all on Twitter, that's where I get all m'news from these days! Oh shit yeah forgot to name-check envirogirl Thorstun, word up to the greenchild!"

[Glebe]

"Hah, people are still buying the old DVDs... it's the Boo-rays for me or get out"

[Glebe]

"Slow down, boomer! You're out-dancing all the kids!" Ned embarrasingly drunk down the local again!

[Glebe]

Ned is at his Christmas work's do.

"Heh, gonna do the 'Brent Dance' after I've gotten a bit of Dutch courage into me, Photocopier Phil!"

"What's that then, Ned?"

"You know... when David Brent does that dance on The Office!"

"I don't remember that character on The Office."

"What?! He's the main guy!"

"That's whatsisname, Steve Carell, innit?"

"No, that's the American remake!"

"It's a remake?"

"Yes! Like how Sandford and Son was a remake of Steptoe and Son!"

"You've lost me now, Ned. You're talking about ancient history, here."

Ned is crying.

[Glebe]

"I might buy meself a record player for Christmas. Nah, mebbe not, this 'hipster' thing might become uncool in 2020."

[Glebe]

INVENTORY FOR MY NEW YEAR'S EVE PARTY

1 x Family bag of Quavers
2 x Crates of Sandeman port
1 x VCR
1 x Scotch video tape ("Rerecord, not fade away!") Containing a selection of classic episodes of Who's Line is it Anyway? recorded off Channel 4 in late '80s
12 x Scotch eggs
6 x bottles of Babycham (in case any birds turn up!)
My classic sound system, with stereo speakers, double tape deck - and 'CDs' player!
2 x Cassettes of Phil Collins' Greatest Hits (need an emergency back up in case one gets trodden on)

[Glebe]

Ned writes and records a song be calls 'Boomer B Goode' and gets his nephew to put it on the YouTube. Two years later, 0 views.

[Glebe]

Ned buys a motorbike, jacks in his job, and hits the open road.

Three weeks later: "This was a mistake."

[Glebe]

Middle Age Neddy dies of a heart attack age 56.

Serves the fucker right.

[petril]

Ned returns to his friends on the golf course six months after the divorce, advising them to chiiiiilllllll out.

they've all seen this sketch before

[Glebe]

Ned buys a selfie stick in Currys.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Ned's friend asks his new girlfriend's friend if he can come on her tits.

What he believes to be a witty allusion to the sketch that petrilTanaka made reference to is decidedly not appreciated. No- one so much as attempts the slightest nibble of their beer glass in order to mask their laughter.

( BTW , I really wouldn't recommend doing this in real life.)

[Glebe]

Ned gets really emotional about the new Star Wars. "Just so many call backs to the original trilogy,  really takes me back to my twent- er, I mean my childhood... although yeah otherwise it was a load of shit tbh."

[Glebe]

Neddy announces to the bus that he is deleting a tweet about Trump "in case it insults all you libtards out there - just keeping up with the culture, yo!"

[Glebe]

"So here we are, new year, new decade, new me! Gonna throw out all my CDs and buy an mp3 player!"

[Glebe]

Ned hums Lighthouse Family's 'Lifted' as he takes the copy of Classic Pop magazine to the counter. "There's fifty quid, love. Keep the change."

[Pinball]

Ned registers an account on Facebook and changes his status to 'available'.

[Glebe]

"Right, well I've visited the lad and giving the wife this month's child support, now to don my duds, borrow a friend's dog and pop down the local used record stop. Then it's Starbucks for a mocaccino, flash a couple of hip singles and hope some twenty-something beauty takes an interest!"

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

The boy Glebe is doing me proud with the amount of commitment and dedication he's shown to this thread.

[Glebe]

The boy Glebe is doing me proud with the amount of commitment and dedication he's shown to this thread.

Fanx Lisa! You chucked the ball and I ran with it!

[Glebe]

"Have you finished preparing that sales report yet, Edward?"

"ANITFA FOREVER!"

"What?!"

"Oh, sorry boss. Just having one of my moments!"