Not Accepting Middle Age Neddy

[DoesNotFollow]

Neddy gets a vajazzle.

[Glebe]

"Saturday night, quick aperitif, stick a bit of Coldplay on the stereo, leather jacket on, splash of Hugo Boss, hit the hip spots in town!"



Clothes by BHS. Hair by Barry the hair dresser round the corner.

[Glebe]

"Any protests marches against Trump I can go on?"

"That's not a proper job, Ned. Now you're here at the job centre because you got sacked for neglecting your duties at the office. Don't you think it"s time to grow up?"

"DOWN WITH SYSTEM MAN! Don't trust anyone over 30!"

[Glebe]

Neddy dresses up a Ali G for his niece's 21st. "This'll give the kids a scream, I'll do a bit of a rap and all!"

[Glebe]

"Harry and Megs need a break, I know what its like to be young and active as I am myself still young and active."

[Glebe]

"Simply Red LP, glass of wine, feet in the foot spa... this is how I rock a Friday night!"

[Glebe]

Ned goes on an anti-pollution march in London. "Couldn't give two fucks about the environment tbh, but apparently it's the cool thing to do!"

[Glebe]

Ned's in the queue for a Radiohead show. "They're m'favourite modern rock act," he tells the woman in front of him. "Fingers crossed they play 'Wonderwall' - what a track!"

[Glebe]

"Hey guys, check out m'new iPhone, it's amazeballs! Just gonna chillax, life is an omnishambles!"

[Glebe]

Ned has only just gotten around to "completing the Cornetto movies," having at last caught The World's End on Netflix. "That is absolutely me and my mates, man, fack! Haha!!"

[Glebe]

Ned takes a day off work "because I've come down with road rage. It's the new thing, they're all at it!"

[Glebe]

Ned does a local radio competition and wins a ticket to a Razorlight concert for his niece, who is a big fan, but it turns out that she can't go that night. "Not to worry, I'll fill in for yah, Leticia! Yeah, baby, yeah!

[Glebe]

"Hello, Microsoft helpline? I'd like to enquire about Twerk U."

"Sorry, sir?"

"Twerk U."

"Oh wait I think you mean Tweak UI, sir. I think you mean Tweak UI."

[Glebe]

"Pfft, this whole corono thing is a con. Bloody nanny state, they're just trying to ruin everyone a fun! It's just like the smoking ban, these 'millenials' overreacting to everything!"

[Glebe]

"Gonna sing on the balcony like the Italians. Pop on some Genesis, strip naked and away I go!"

[evilcommiedictator]

"Dunno why, but I've gotta go to The Zoo for a video conference. Seems a bit silly to me, I'll make sure not to eat any Chinese Bats though!"

[Glebe]

"When I was young...ger, we never washed our hands. These kids have left themselves open to covids with this 'OCD' nonsense!"

"Sir, the office is closed for the foreseeable future. Please go home and isolate yourself."

"Righto, mister security guard! Hey, it's like Threads, this! You're old enough to remember Threads, aren't you? Well, we're not old, but..."

[Better Midlands]

"Crazy times, this is our 9/11"

[Glebe]

"Sick and tired of all this fuss over a mild bloody cold bug. If you want me I'll be in Weatherspoons enjoying the best of British foods, washed down with many pints of Bass! And I ain't washin' me hands, neither!"

[Glebe]

"Just ordered a jukebox. Gonna fill it with all the classic discs, 'In the Air Tonight',  'Kayleigh', 'Go Your Own Way'... I'm still in my thirties at heart! And speaking of 'Heart'..."

[Glebe]

Ned decides to become an observational stand-up.

"Don't you just hate it when your ex-wife is nagging you for child support and you're trying to read up about the most powerful gaming PCs?"

[Glebe]

"Dad, why are we in Forbidden Planet again?"

"Look, just shut up, right? Your Mother is collecting you at four, then you can go home to your new, 'better' dad."

[Glebe]

"People don't build sound systems anymore. This saddens me."

[Glebe]

"Guys, I'll be live-broadcasting from home this afternoon on my laptop. So to all of you out in YouTubeland, stay tuned for some exciting pop culture chat. Wakanda forever!"

[Glebe]

"Here Ned, Toyah is playing tonight, I think there's some tickets left... d'you fancy going?"

"Toyah?!? Never heard of her, Interested-in-Eighties-Pop Ian!"

"Oh come on, you must have... how do you know Toyah is a 'her'?"

"Actually, though obviously taken from her name, before she went solo her whole band was known as 'Toyah'... oh shit, I've truly given meself away now. Fair enough, get me a ticket. I hope she does 'Jungles of Jupiter'."

[Glebe]

"You're only as old as you feel. Well I still feel like a thirtysomething, so Mr. DJ, rock a good tune while I chug this Monster!"

[Glebe]

"Pfft, 'dinner parties' are so passé! My soirees involve bean-bag seats, alcopops and chicken dippers! Sorted!"

[Glebe]

"Just bought an Apple watch - didn't even want one! But that's how Ned rolls."

[Glebe]

"100 inch 4K telly, VR headset on... watch out, kids, this ol' dinosaur is keepin' up with the times!"

[Glebe]

"If it's not a vegan smoothie I ain't drinking it."