Mate, fucking CO-LIVING in London

[alan nagsworth]

I'm seeing a lot of this springing up lately and it's grinding me like a bear on heat. Flexible accommodation for swanky cunts with grey personalities to feel like they're part of a cool creative communal space that apparently brings people together but just drives a wedge further between them in an era of political dog shit in a ludicrously diverse city. Fuck this and the brightly-coloured and very-well-illuminated trojan horse it rode in on. Who in god's name kids themselves that this sort of scheme is the way to visit and experience a city, let alone spend long periods of time in it? Wretched.

It has sprung up from the warehouse scene that's been a fairly big thing here for, what, ten years? (I'm unsure as I've only been here seven.) Those sorts of places are still doing semi-okay, like the one in Manor House where I've been to a few decent gigs but is also populated by total entitled shitheads who can't quite be arsed with squatting and that whole scene so they just go and do it in someone else's place, which will be a living space with about eight people living in it already, all with one kitchen which is attached to the huge open plan living space, where these fuckers turn up and mill about for days or weeks on end. I've seen this happen recently, as a couple of my pals live over there. How anyone wants to put up with that is beyond me.

But my point is that this idea of a free-spirited "zone" I guess where lots of fun and creative types live together on and off and do all sorts of ... fucking body painting and fisting I would imagine? That's obviously been about for ages, at least the beat generation or whatever, and it's obviously so inevitable that this would be capitalised on in 2019, but fucks sake...

I mean look at this stuff. This is what's on offer:

The Collective

The fucking unlikely story of the cockface canary and the wankstain wolf

Great things can happen when people come together. A canary meets a wolf, and the rest is history. At The Collective, we know how chance encounters can sow the seeds for beautiful things. That's why we design co-living spaces to bring people together.

We're rethinking the way that people live and stay in cities. With your own private studio, inspiring shared spaces like spas, gyms, cinema rooms and pools, and a jam-packed cultural events programme; everything is curated with connection in mind.

So why not give co-living a try? Whether you're a party animal, creative critter or business beast; new faces and bold experiences await at The Collective Canary Wharf. Over the years we've seen members form life-long friendships, get married and start businesses together. Join us for a year or a day, and find the canary to your wolf.

The ad I saw on the DLR this week had a stupidly long poem on it, with a line about "The world right now is smaller than ever" completely herding hapless fuckers into this pen of shit. Yeah it's getting smaller because of you, you fucking cunt

[Twed]

Adults should not have to live this way.

[The Boston Crab]

My mate's lived and lives in several warehouse spaces. Would fuckin drive me mad but they spend the whole time getting wrecked making jewellery and tattooing each other while the DJ one plays banging music all day and night. I'd kill em all and kill myself but I'm hard to live with. Probably exciting if I were younger and didn't have tinnitus like.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Is this a harder or easier concept to understand than bitcoin?

[imitationleather]

Adults should not have to live this way.

Quite. It's making people expect that their only option is to live in university halls for decades after they graduate until hopefully their parents die and leave them enough to move into a place with less than fifty strangers in it. The way it is dressed up as some gig economy lifestyle choice bullshit makes me proper sick.

Fortunately society is due to collapse soon and bring all this to a swift end.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You can buy a house outright in Darlington for £50,000 and pints cost £1.50.

If all you do all day is go from ill maintained property in dreary suburb to chain store and back to ill maintained property in dreary suburb why not do it somewhere affordable?

[peanutbutter]

I totally see the appeal of the dumpy ones that cost fuck all, it's an easy route to getting yourself a bit of a support network and dirt cheap.

There's some things like this though that are all renovated and fancy as fuck literally within a 20 minute walk of my current place (shitty studio apartment) and the individual rooms seem to cost more than my whole place. What is that? Just envy over the sense of camaraderie those who have to work together to get by have?

[alan nagsworth]

Honestly like, jokes aside, I just wanna get real for a second: capitalism sucks

Capitalism can well and truly do one

[Twed]

Quite. It's making people expect that their only option is to live in university halls for decades after they graduate until hopefully their parents die and leave them enough to move into a place with less than fifty strangers in it. The way it is dressed up as some gig economy lifestyle choice bullshit makes me proper sick.

Could not agree more. I don't want what I said to come across as "hah, losers, just rent your own place", because this is absolutely a situation engineered by daft 1%ers.

[alan nagsworth]

I bet these places have their own syndicated drug dealer called Dodgy Dave or something, a fuckin shill for big pharma disguised in a distress-effect bomber jacket, lacing their weed with supplements their bodies don't need. Gets high on his own stash one day and hulks out on the place, brings it all down from within like that guy Jason Statham. That would be mint.

[Sebastian Cobb]

So it's basically student halls for grown adults?

[Noonling]

£1100pm (all-inclusive) for basically student accommodation in NW15. I have no clue about London prices, is that good? Bad? Normal?

Anyway, if it had more of a commie vibe, a dash of misery and less shiny-shiny maybe I'd like it. And wasn't in London, obviously.

[bgmnts]

I hope everyone who indulges in this tripe gets cancer of the aids.

[Zetetic]

Shared houses, but immensely expensive and managed by private companies, right?

(There are housing co-operatives/collectives in London as well, I believe, which I guess is a slightly better reaction to the situation - but still short of leaving London.)

[Sebastian Cobb]

Anyway, if it had more of a commie vibe, a dash of misery and less shiny-shiny maybe I'd like it. And wasn't in London, obviously.

Someone in our extended family basically does this with HMO's and people on parole, apparently the rent gets paid while they find their feet and the police always pay a joiner to fix the door when they boot it in.

He's not altruistic, he knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing and is basically being a slumlord.

[Noonling]

7 years ago Reza Merchant was graduating from university.

Now he's the CEO of a multi-million pound property empire in one of the fastest growing sectors in global real estate. How did this rising star go from university dorm to the boardroom?

Here's the lowdown on Merchant.

He went to the eminently posh Merchant Taylors private school in Middlesex, which charges a cool £20,000 per year.

He borrowed £1.8 million against his parents home to start The Collective, a micro apartment development company he founded in 2010.

Reza once starred in an episode of Made in Chelsea. He was being sold off in a 'man auction'...

He graduated from the prestigious London School of Economics & Political Sciences in 2010

He's a regular at Burning Man festival in Nevada. A desert party for U.S tech elites, festival goers have included Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg and Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page.

His father Aslam Merchant started Pelicans Group, a leather design and manufacturing firm based in Middlesex and India. Pelicans Group has over 2,000 employees and Aslam has been asked to meet David Cameron (when he was PM) and The Queen, who paid tribute to the ongoing trade relationship between India and the UK.

He has put his 550-bed Old Oak complex on the market and is anticipating bids of £100million. Reza said he is looking to "assess investor appetite and prove out the strength of the investment market for this emerging asset class".

He allows rental tenants to pay their deposit in Bitcoin. The controversial and volatile crypto-currency has seen swings of thousands of pounds in one day.

He has grand plans for The Collective. With units already (or planned) in Old Oak, Acton, Kentish Town, Hyde Park, Kings Cross, Stratford and Notting Hill – Reza is plotting a full on assault on Boston, New York and Berlin.

He's started his very own start-up incubator at The Collective, selecting 10 exciting start-ups (from 3,500 applicants) who are striving to"create opportunities for people in need". The group will live and work in Reza's Old Oak development.

He's competing with Property Commentator Henry Pryor for 'The Best Hair in UK Property'.

"As a hair veteran, Henry's not too worried about Reza and still considers himself the 'mane' man", an anonymous source told DealMakerz.

He's won stuff. The Evening Standard said he was one of the most influential people in London, he was in Property Week's Top Forty Under 40 and he's been Young Entrepreneur of the Year for Estates Gazette, Props and London Loves Business. Most prestigious of all though, he was named in DealMakerz Top 5 Young Developers in London. What an honour.

So there you have it. Merchant has a penchant for velvet jackets, an alleged pipeline in the hundreds of millions and is at the forefront of property development in the Capital. Not bad going for a man of just 28 years of age.

[Icehaven]

So it's basically student halls for grown adults?

Yes that's exactly what it is. It looks like hell to me and I'd imagine any other right thinking person over 25, but then I recently lived in a house share for three years of my late 30s and it was god-awful. Even leaving aside my bias surely the number of people who could happily live like that after university is in the vast minority. It's the grinning happy faces in the vast spotless kitchens and living spaces in the promo stuff for these places that gets me, as if they won't end up scowling grumpy faces sick of sharing a kitchen with 10 people and never being able to just walk round in your pants (or because someone else is walking around in their pants.)

[Sebastian Cobb]

What a cunt.

[idunnosomename]

thing is, we used to build houses for people. council houses, they were called. but then SOMEONE decided that hardworking people should be able to buy them. and they did. and VERY hardworking people bought lots of them. now you pay those people to stay in the former council houses!

maybe you should've worked harder!!!!!!!!!

[imitationleather]

What a cunt.

Yeah.

Fortunately no matter how much money he makes he will never be able to cheat the Grim Reaper forever. Aahahahahaahah!

[idunnosomename]

What a cunt.

why do they frame it as rags-to-riches in the headline but then he starts off going to a fucking public school?? and what's cool about 20k a year. sounds fucking awful to me.

[imitationleather]

why do they frame it as rags-to-riches in the headline but then he starts off going to a fucking public school?? and what's cool about 20k a year. sounds fucking awful to me.

The rags of starting the business with £1.8million from his parents.

[Flatulent Fox]

Sounds like smelly communism to me.
                                                           Taking turns to tend the Rhubarb patch,Oh no Angela has an allergy ect.

Listening to all their boring music and borrowing plimsoles ?
Geoffrey is offended by Fred Dibnah?
Illegal man is illegal and refuses to empty the bins when it's his turn?

No thank you mr president - I don't dance!

[Flatulent Fox]

The rags of starting the business with £1.8million from his parents.

Typical Geoffrey.

So there you have it. Merchant has a penchant for velvet jackets, an alleged pipeline in the hundreds of millions and is at the forefront of property development in the Capital. Not bad going for a man of just 28 years of age.

Best CV ever.

[Icehaven]

an alleged pipeline in the hundreds of millions

What does this mean?

[Flatulent Fox]

What does this mean?

He expects hundreds of millions in the future.Allegedly.

[flotemysost]

the one in Manor House

Ended up there one night last year after a Tinder date - it wasn't horrendous, but worrying that the rhombus of chipboard passing as a bedroom door might fall off its hinges and one of the artsy wanker flatmates could waft in from the communal music room and start doing a sage cleanse of my arsehole or something killed the mood slightly.

Different thing I know, but those Tipi adverts everywhere are doing my head in as well. 'Rebelling never felt so stylish'. Yeah, paying upwards of three grand a month to sit on a John Lewis sofa in Wembley fucking Park, ooh you REBEL.

At least the photos of smug twats smirking on velour chaise-lounges (including the odd token person of color, ofc) are more honest than the original ad campaign with all the faux commie/revolutionary imagery - raised fists, five-point stars, Soviet style typefaces etc. To imply that this is a solution to unaffordable rentals just because there aren't any 'hidden' fees is maddeningly insulting.

[The Boston Crab]

Praying they get burned to a crisp

[Noonling]

I don't understand advertising that has a bunch of smiling people in it. It doesn't make me feel like "that could be me", simply "wow, I wouldn't fit in there".

[Capt.Midnight]

It's all very comfortable isn't it? Nice rooms, a pool, a brief flirtation with being creative and edgy, but retaining your seriousness as you live right on the Money Island of Canary Wharf.

"That's right Dad, don't be ashamed - There's no crack smoking here, just late night Excel marathons and drunk Zumba. ROCK ON LAAADS!"