Ad Astra - the horror

[MojoJojo]

I, too, like a bit of realistic (ish) sci-fi, although what I've seen and heard about this make it seem a bit more fantastical than I was expecting. There are gunfights on the moon.

The gunfight on the moon wasn't too fantastical, really. Like many bits of the film, there was something interesting in the moon being a sort of wild west frontier, but it wasn't really explored and was just an excuse for a fantastic looking action scene.

The main dodgy physics bits were:
- the whole "surges" thing, with gamma rays getting more powerful as they get further from neptune. They are magically generated by anti-matter somehow, and a nuke is a good way to stop them for some reason.
Pitt using a bit of metal to protect him through an implausibly dense ring around Uranus.
Using the nuclear explosion to "fuel" his journey back to earth
Experimenting on baboons in space for some reason - and actually being close enough for a quick rescue.

I'm just going to throw Sunshine out there as another film to compare it to.

[phantom_power]

SPOLIERSZ:

Well I think they thought that Tommy Lee Jones was generating the surges with some sort of technological harnessing of anti-matter. The nukes were to destroy the tech, not the anti-matter.

Him using the explosion to power him back to earth was a bit odd. He got shot off by the explosion and the computer said it was 90 billion miles to earth or something. I expected it to either end there with the possibility, quite a large one at that, that he wouldn't get home, or there would be some sort of peril or danger on the way over the 90 BILLION MILES. But no, he arrives at earth with seemingly nothing of interest worth showing in the film and that's that

[Blumf]

Just in case you lot don't know:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Orion_%28nuclear_propulsion%29

[beanheadmcginty]

But the problem is that the nuke wasn't employed in a manner that would propel Brad's rocket. It just exploded in the vicinity. It would be like someone being able to drive down to the shops by detonating a petrol bomb near their car.

[SavageHedgehog]

I thought this was OK, but it's one of those films where in theory it's about grand-scale intergalactic concepts but it boils down to something which could have been and has been covered more effectively in low budget indie dramas set on earth. The key dramatic moment is still poignant when it comes (and weirdly very similar to a scene from Rambo: Last Blood, which came out the same day!*) but it's not quite enough to make this seem cohesively compelling. I thought Interstellar balanced this aspect with better spectacle.

*Also a key moment very similar to a scene from Licence to Kill

[Puce Moment]

I'm relieved that most people also thought this was dog plops because some of the reviews are wildly positive in a way that I simply can't understand.

I'm re-watching The Expanse and Tarkovsky's Solaris to burn the shittiness of it out of my mind.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I unwittingly went to a captioned showing of this, so the plot was literally spelt out to me.

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Why was there a magic baboon that killed an entire Norwegian space crew (?)

[Sebastian Cobb]

Good films leave you with unanswered questions.

And not good ones.

[Twit 2]

Off to see this tonight.

I'm a big fan of 2001, Solaris, Apocalypse Now, The Tree of Life and Gravity. Liked Arrival. Didn't like Interstellar much. Never seen Event Horizon(!)

I am easily pleased by good cinematography, so hoping that'll see me through. Also have a high tolerance for insipid VO, like any Malick fanboy needs to. Max Richter a bit too ubiquitous but he's harmless enough. Will report back.

[Inspector Norse]

Why was there a magic baboon that killed an entire Norwegian space crew (?)

I read it as a cackhanded nod to 2001. And they were very keen to point out that it was a research vessel. Something about monkeys evolving into evil violent humans you know?

[Twit 2]

Beautiful photography. Film was absolute tosh. Deeply silly, almost offensively bad at points.

[Mark Steels Stockbroker]

(spam)

[katzenjammer]

Why did he have to physically go to mars to read out the message to his dad?

[Sebastian Cobb]

Why did he have to physically go to mars to read out the message to his dad?

I wondered this. Also why were the lunar rovers all old and shit like the ones we sent in the 60's but the Mars ones more like proper vehicles.

[Paaaaul]

Why does he go to Mars? There's no need for him to go to Mars. Stupid.

[Piggyoioi]

half watching this now pretty much off my bonce in the corner of my computer monitor. Obviously a bad CAM copy. It's been 20 minutes and.... i dont think i give a shit, alot of mumbling. TBH im not sure whats going on, but it all sounds so serious, at least untill I look at Brad Pitts face and am confrunted with the idea he's supposed to be smart, like wikid smwart - dont buy it. its like when mark wahlberg tried to play some MIT dudebro playing poker, LOL fuck off you are obviously dumb, written over your blank dumb face, like a dog trying to work out the number 9.

Thats what brad pitt has - like Marky Mark. That blank look, like you're speaking chinese to them but they're pretending to understand. gets a pass because he seems like a good dude.

Ok, so im at the point where Jack Bauers dad was whispering something to him on a tram. I can barely hear.... do I care? hmm.

I'm going for a piss. I'm not going to pause.

OK. `Im back. Its 27:something.

I have to be honest I have no idea whats happened beforehand, the sound is so bad. Looks like some cool - ok - Moon fire fight. Hmmm..
Hard to tell if this is cool because i have no idea why its mad max on moon. (if there is a good conceit ok - nice) otherwise this is a touch boring.

Alot of the voice over feels like braddy boi utilising the skills he learnt in those great perfume ads we've all been forced to endure over the last decade.

31:something
can barely hear, is Jack bauers dad dying for some reason? looks like he handed him a raffle ticket. STAKES.

33:yeah more voice over. im starting to think this guy is deep.

gotta say i find this whole aesthetic weak. cant explain why but the visuals/dialogue/soundtrack is trying too hard with no foundation. feels phoney.

35: genuinely cant hear any dialogue. i think i just realised this. i have no idea whats going on, its a perfume ad right?

'Moon' for men, be amongst the stars' by brad pitt

36: Daddy..... what did you find, were you always broken..... phhhhchhhhhh... really going for it with this voice over.

38: brad pitt looks likes contracting down syndrome.

42: hes in a space ship, someone doesnt copy... wtf.... a monkey.

I have to pause this. starting to look interesting.

Review will continue sometime in the future.

so far looks like dumb version of George Clooney's Solaris

[phantom_power]

half watching this now pretty much off my bonce in the corner of my computer monitor. Obviously a bad CAM copy.

I think the director put out a press release at the Venice Film Festival stating this was his preferred method of presentation

[Mark Steels Stockbroker]

I wondered this. Also why were the lunar rovers all old and shit like the ones we sent in the 60's but the Mars ones more like proper vehicles.

Because Martian ones are liable to getting clogged with sandstorms whereas Lunar ones are virtually free from corrosion or damage (according to what we see).

[Puce Moment]

half watching this now pretty much off my bonce in the corner of my computer monitor. Obviously a bad CAM copy. It's been 20 minutes and.... i dont think i give a shit, alot of mumbling. TBH im not sure whats going on, but it all sounds so serious, at least untill I look at Brad Pitts face and am confrunted with the idea he's supposed to be smart, like wikid smwart - dont buy it. its like when mark wahlberg tried to play some MIT dudebro playing poker, LOL fuck off you are obviously dumb, written over your blank dumb face, like a dog trying to work out the number 9.

Thats what brad pitt has - like Marky Mark. That blank look, like you're speaking chinese to them but they're pretending to understand. gets a pass because he seems like a good dude.

Ok, so im at the point where Jack Bauers dad was whispering something to him on a tram. I can barely hear.... do I care? hmm.

I'm going for a piss. I'm not going to pause.

OK. `Im back. Its 27:something.

I have to be honest I have no idea whats happened beforehand, the sound is so bad. Looks like some cool - ok - Moon fire fight. Hmmm..
Hard to tell if this is cool because i have no idea why its mad max on moon. (if there is a good conceit ok - nice) otherwise this is a touch boring.

Alot of the voice over feels like braddy boi utilising the skills he learnt in those great perfume ads we've all been forced to endure over the last decade.

31:something
can barely hear, is Jack bauers dad dying for some reason? looks like he handed him a raffle ticket. STAKES.

33:yeah more voice over. im starting to think this guy is deep.

gotta say i find this whole aesthetic weak. cant explain why but the visuals/dialogue/soundtrack is trying too hard with no foundation. feels phoney.

35: genuinely cant hear any dialogue. i think i just realised this. i have no idea whats going on, its a perfume ad right?

'Moon' for men, be amongst the stars' by brad pitt

36: Daddy..... what did you find, were you always broken..... phhhhchhhhhh... really going for it with this voice over.

38: brad pitt looks likes contracting down syndrome.

42: hes in a space ship, someone doesnt copy... wtf.... a monkey.

I have to pause this. starting to look interesting.

Review will continue sometime in the future.

so far looks like dumb version of George Clooney's Solaris

[Moribunderast]

God I fucking hated this film. Might be the most super-liminal narration I've ever witnessed, especially for a movie that clearly wishes it were deep and existential. Felt like a scene didn't go by without Pitt popping in with some VO to tell you exactly what the scene made his character feel and how it resonated with the themes of the film. Embarrassing. "I am on a ship for 79 days. It is quiet. This is making me go somewhat mad." Yeah, thanks mate, I literally am watching you pace and throw your head in jerky motions and repeat weird phrases, I think I'd got that. Fucken Solaris with a manual.

[SteveDave]

I watched up to when he gave the "emotional" speech to his father from Mars and then had to go to sleep.

It really feels like a stupid person's idea of what an intelligent space film would be. BUT WITH CAR CHASES ON THE MOON! AND EXPLOSIONS!

It's a waste of that Bradley Pitts.

[oy vey]

Too much acting.

Definitely someone watched Solaris and Interstellar and thought I have to get an angle on this. I was desperately hoping for Sam Neill to jump out at the end. Spoilers: he doesn't.

[dissolute ocelot]

My super-witty hot take: if I have to see a filmmaker work through their father issues, I'd rather it was in a porno. Or involved Matthew Corbett. But not both.