The Apprentice 2019

[touchingcloth]

I think she's not long shed her previous skin.

[touchingcloth]

Suleyman on You're Fired: "I couldn't wait to get out of that house and get a Nando's".

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Still just incredibly disappointing that Ryan-Mark is the most competent contestant.

Is Lottie our new best hope for a Baggsian interview episode meltdown?

[Paul Calf]

Slime.

[Paul Calf]

"Let's make a viral video."

Does anyone working on this show know what a viral video is? That you can't 'make a viral video'?

Slime, though.

Slime.

[bgmnts]

Just sounds like shorthand for "lets make a video that could go viral".

Fucking pondlife.

[Paul Calf]

"It might go viral for the wrong reasons."

I mean, these are people who've grown up with the internet. they've never known a world without it. How can they possibly misunderstand it so grievously?

[Paul Calf]

"We recognise the slime market as a booming market".

I think Thomas just wants a hug.

[Hat FM]

kinda  funny that suleyman got the boot for giving the feedback in relation to tommy the turtle that the retailers later gave. Just because you think something doesn't work doesn't really mean that you have all of the answers to make it better. a good summing up of brexit really. I think the girl with the 7 year old kid  should have gone for not speaking out about the fact that her daughter would never play with something that basic. as if the retailer would have bought that my little pony rip off.

[Dr Rock]

I liked the little kids going 'I'm getting mixed messages, it doesn't really have a USP, I'm out'

[Paul Calf]

My wife is in despair that I have become addicted to this programme. Poor woman. She didn't sign up for this.

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

"It might go viral for the wrong reasons."

I mean, these are people who've grown up with the internet. they've never known a world without it. How can they possibly misunderstand it so grievously?

I suspect most of these "creative" challenges are heavily faked and the teams are simply given options to chose from that they can then slightly tweak as they see fit. Producer: "One team has to do a dance video, and one team has to do a fantasy skit, which do you want?" Bit of a slip in this episode because they included footage of the unicorn team talking about why the dance video option was shit.

The producers somehow managed to procure a contestant-sized unicorn costume 2 hours after you came up with the "idea" of a unicorn toy? Did they? I'm not even sure toy prototypes like that could be made overnight-that turtle already fucking existed and all they did was record Tommyboy's voice on it.

[Blue Jam]

I was reminded of poor little Chandler and the sex toilet from Better Call Saul.

I've just remembered this was called "Tony The Toilet Buddy", so not far off "Tommy The Turtle". Tbh I didn't think TTT was all that rude- having a purchasable imaginary friend was the really bleak thing.

A motivational speaker for kids too- I bet every Apprentice candidate ever actually dreamed of getting such a thing for Christmas, along with a Fisher Price Estate Agents and a Corby trouser press.

The producers somehow managed to procure a contestant-sized unicorn costume 2 hours after you came up with the "idea" of a unicorn toy? Did they? I'm not even sure toy prototypes like that could be made overnight-that turtle already fucking existed and all they did was record Tommyboy's voice on it.

I was wondering about this too. Unicorn stuff is everywhere right now so finding an adult-sized unicorn onesie (and all the other team's animal onesies) would have been a doddle, but the toys themselves would have been much more of a challenge.

I think that unicorn could have had the different parts 3D printed and cobbled together (thought it would have taken 24 hours at least), and the buttplug-shaped pots of slime could have been had from The Works, but the white dog poo house looked a bit more complex. The turtle, with added lights and sound, looked way too complex to have not been made well in advance. I'm guessing they had a selection to choose from- or maybe just two, and they had to toss a coin to see who ended up with the less crap one.

[Blue Jam]

Also I have just realised what Team Turtle's video reminds me of:

https://youtu.be/hGlyFc79BUE

[Paul Calf]

And as people have said before, there's no way Lord Alan Partridge is going to sack the one with the business plan he thinks is good so the whole thing is a complete fucking sham anyway.

"I could get rid of the lot of you if I wanted".

Well yeah, technically he could but then there'd be no show and taking into account the enormously unbalanced terms of the contract he makes the 'winner' sign in return for the investment, it must represent a fairly large proportion of his income these days. He's a prison guard who's realised that he's more of a prisoner than the inmates he watches over.

[Blue Jam]

Lottie totally wants to be on Celebrity Big Brother doesn't she? The sad thing is I'd probably watch it.

[Blue Jam]

"I HAVE MANUFACTURED A LOT OF PILLAAAAAHHHS"

[Blue Jam]

Another week, another firing of a candidate who wasn't the worst but wasn't good for the ratings.

Lottie survives to scheme her way through another week.

[Alberon]

It's a bit annoying when they fire someone who I didn't even realise was on the show.

Barrow boy and the Librarian of Death are two people who cannot win the show, but they've got some easily packagable personalities, so they'll survive for now.

[touchingcloth]

I didn't even realise Lubna was in the episode, never mind the series. Her name and face were revealed just before the boardroom. It's a shame, I liked her response to "what did you actually do?" of "I was myself".

Tommy Pillahs had on a belt buckle which looked like Arnold Rimmer's forehead H. "Well it's the ahnly letter I dahnt actually use, yer 'onour".

[Blue Jam]

Barrow boy and the Librarian of Death are two people who cannot win the show, but they've got some easily packagable personalities, so they'll survive for now.

I actually suspect Tommy Pillahs may have a good chance of winning this. He's actually cheery and positive and encouraging while the others are whiny and sneering. He could at least make it to interview week if he ever actually manages to be on the winning team.

Also the failure of the task was down to the design of that embarrassing child's bike with its inappropriate name and so it really was the fault of the loud blonde American whose name I still haven't caught and who convinced me she had been practicing all her putdowns in front of a mirror before she went back into the boardroom. She could have a career in panto if she's lucky.

Lottie the snake-eyed librarian is a cert for interview week. The interviewers will try and stitch her up, like they did with Stuart Baggs (RIP), but they may fail because she's more terrifying than all of them.

[Blue Jam]

The flashing Bike Ballbag made me laugh. Amazing that neither team was daft enough to go for that one.

[touchingcloth]

I actually thought both bikes would sell in equal but small quantities (neither of them were irredeemably shit. Photo-Fit was laughable, but only a lick of paint away from being a nike as completely mediocre as Aphrodite (how they didn't decide to call it Aphrodit-e is beyond me)) and the tall would be one by team helmet for their better supplementary merch. There weren't many merch sales shown so I assumed the editors were hiding Halfords ordering ten million lorry loads.

I think Pillahs comes across quite well. He seemed pretty effective in the scenes where they were deciding on the posters and whatnot and was far from being the biggest loudest cunt in the show's history in the boardroom. His main failing is his ridiculous fondness for a bit of market trader shouting; "sell some bikes for a fahsand pahnd? Nah, gonna flog 'undreds of lycras for a quid a go".

[Alberon]

I wonder how many designs of bike they had to chose from? Realistically all they could do is pick a model and then decide a colour and a few accessories like a basket.

I missed the bit where the rocket bike went from half orange and half red to all red. Or was there a balls up in the painting process and they were told to run with it?

[Dr Rock]

As if any of them got the Kim Jong-Un joke.

[Malcy]

We're those light up balls on Dragon's Den? Sure i've seen them before. That yank needs to go. As annoying as Lottie. Still looking at contestants and thinking "who are they, don't remember seeing them before".

[Old Thrashbarg]

I think Pillahs comes across quite well.

I quite like him. Probably couldn't stand to be in his presence for more than a few minutes, but on this he at least seems to be genuine and a nice person. Unlike the vast majority of contestants for as long as I can remember.

[Jasha]

I quite like him. Probably couldn't stand to be in his presence for more than a few minutes, but on this he at least seems to be genuine and a nice person. Unlike the vast majority of contestants for as long as I can remember.

Until you ask for a refund on those pillahs he sold you dahn Daginum markit

[touchingcloth]

I quite like him. Probably couldn't stand to be in his presence for more than a few minutes, but on this he at least seems to be genuine and a nice person. Unlike the vast majority of contestants for as long as I can remember.

Yeah. That boardroom was sort of...nice. He wasn't very effective, but he didn't seem to have the cunt gene within him. I haven't seen him shout down another candidate so far I don't think.

God, what a world where "not obviously a twat" marks someone out as a Gandhi equivalent.

[Blue Jam]

SHUT UP GHANDI (sic)