Boomer infestation

[idunnosomename]

I wish i was gay. Got shafted really

[Cuellar]

Got a hell of a boomer sitting next to me at work ladies and gentlemen, almost at retirement, pub at lunch everyday that he's in the office (barely) comes back honking of peppermints, types arhythmically, one fingered, HAMMERING the keys like he's using a fucking typewriter, can feel the vibrations through the desk

BOMM...BOMM BOMM.....BOMM BOMM BOMM BOMM....BOMM bomm BOMM...BOMM BOMM...BOMM...bomm bomm BOMM .... BOMM

BOMM bomm
...
...

BOMM BOMM BOMM

want his fingers to fall off because gout

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I'd be made up he honked of peppermints and not sick

[Icehaven]

Is it signs of the times or my own stupidness
That I took "Kinder" to mean the chocolate eggs?

[Quote]

When I'm walking down the street, it's always you I seem to meet
Got three fleeces on, and those sketchers on your feet
Sending your poems to the evening news
'We had no running water and clumpy old shoes'

Hey boomer, hey boomer, hey boomer
You gotta get it through your head
I said a-hey boomer, hey boomer, hey boomer
You'll soon be fucking dead

EDIT: to 'Hey Student' by the Fall, obv
EDIT(2): I'm not very good at this

[idunnosomename]

i was trying to find some nostalgia facebook poem featured on here but no avail. i just remember "crust of bread". any ideas

[Funcrusher]

Is it signs of the times or my own stupidness
That I took "Kinder" to mean the chocolate eggs?

You could probably sing that poem to the tune of Sign o' the Times.

[Gurke and Hare]

Old people famously love going out for a walk in the dark, and did it all the time when it was safe.

But again, a quiet word just doesn't have the same impact does it?

Apparently not, as when she tried that it resulted in the entitled cunts' "That's not how it works, we can sit anywhere we want."

[Ferris]

You could probably sing that poem to the tune of Sign o' the Times.

Just gave it a go, you need to mangle it a bit but it scans

[Twed]

I think the missing last line is "I'm really up the junction".

[Blue Jam]

Is it signs of the times or my own stupidness
That I took "Kinder" to mean the chocolate eggs?

That doesn't rhyme... ;)

Then again, neither does "Our children arrived (no pill in those days)/We brought them up without any state aid". It doesn't scan either. Also, the author's children were unplanned but it's The Youth Of Today with their contraceptives who are the feckless shaggers?

Those two short lines however do tell us a lot about the author...

[idunnosomename]

[Icehaven]

Old people famously love going out for a walk in the dark, and did it all the time when it was safe.

Apparently not, as when she tried that it resulted in the entitled cunts' "That's not how it works, we can sit anywhere we want."

I'd have said, ''fair enough then if that's how it works'' and sat on the table eyeballing them.

[Egyptian Feast]

i was trying to find some nostalgia facebook poem featured on here but no avail. i just remember "crust of bread". any ideas

It's not this, by any chance?

[Icehaven]

And looting, mugging, rape and murder didn't increase greatly during the WW2 blackouts or bombing raids either, nor did organised crime and prostitution flourish generally throughout the war.

https://www.historyextra.com/period/second-world-war/10-facts-about-crime-on-the-home-front-in-the-second-world-war/

[idunnosomename]

It's not this, by any chance?

thanks that must be it.

ah the poetic nostalgia evoked by remembering those bread-cutting knives they used to have

[Icehaven]

And the dinner somehow magically appeared out of the oven without first having to come from a shop. If that's supposed to be implying everyone grew or reared everything they ate then BOLLOX.

[Blue Jam]

Ah yes, the Boomer generation who selflessly shared things so no-one would go without.

Until they started voting Tory and hoarding all the affordable property and nicking other people's train seats.

[Blumf]

Most of these poems seem to be from pre-Boomers.

Surely Boomer poems would wistfully reminisce about being able to withdraw cash outside of banking hours, getting shares in public utilities, and enjoying driving out to those new fangled out-of-town shopping centres.

[Blue Jam]

Most of these poems seem to be from pre-Boomers.

Surely Boomer poems would wistfully reminisce about being able to withdraw cash outside of banking hours, getting shares in public utilities, and enjoying driving out to those new fangled out-of-town garden centres and buying coats.

[Blumf]

That's the core of the Boomer mind, isn't it? The one constant personality trait that binds them all - Love of out-of-town retail.

[touchingcloth]

Boomer: what is the best address to send presents for your third wedding anniversary?

Me: well, the usual, and thank you for the thought but we don't need anything really - we have all the things we need for ourselves and the house, so if you must then a bottle of wine or some socks would be absolutely fine.

Boomer: here are two matching horrible flasks. 

[Sebastian Cobb]

Boomer: what is the best address to send presents for your third wedding anniversary?

Me: well, the usual, and thank you for the thought but we don't need anything really - we have all the things we need for ourselves and the house, so if you must then a bottle of wine or some socks would be absolutely fine.

Boomer: here are two matching horrible flasks.

Boomer: you said you wanted something for the kitchen.
Me: Yes, I'd like a cast iron skillet, a lodge will do fine.
Boomer: we'll get you that.
Me: ok.

A while later:
Boomer: Surprise! We got you a stupidly expensive Le Creuset casserole dish, due to its enamel coating it is fucking hopeless at frying things.
'...'

[Blue Jam]

Well, of course you're going to get two matching horrible flasks- you can't buy a nice bottle of wine or some socks from a garden centre, can you?

Actually, Boomers probably can. They probably know all the cheat codes.

[touchingcloth]

Well, of course you're going to get two matching horrible flasks- you can't buy a nice bottle of wine or some socks from a garden centre, can you?

Actually, Boomers probably can. They probably know all the cheat codes.

Garden centres always have bottles of boomer shit - usually Cheddleton ale, sometimes in wacky massive bottles.

Boomer: Son...hey. Son....pssst. Son. Son. Son. Hey. Son. Son son son son SON.

Me: Yes?

Boomer: Look at the size of this bottle.

Anyway, the bastards bought the horrible flasks on Amazon, so it would have been the work of a moment to get lovely socks instead.

What's the opposite of acquisitive, but descriptive of someone who has a compulsion to give other people terrible crap even when politely asked not to? My mother in law bought me some weird strappy looking things for Christmas one year:

Boomer: Merry Christmas.

Me: Thanks! Oh, look at that, very nice, thanks. Really nice, it's...sorry, what is it, actually?

Boomer: Lets you attach a small satchel to the extending handle of a suitcase.

I didn't have a small satchel then, and I haven't acquired one since. Lovely strap, though.

[touchingcloth]

I lied about them matching, by the way:



I think we can all agree that they're horrible.

[idunnosomename]

"me chrome is slow"

... when was the last time you closed a tab, boomer?

"2013"

[grassbath]

It's not this, by any chance?

I don't think anything boils my piss more than this fucking crap. Absolute blight on humanity that anyone could take the time to cobble together this absolute mindless, entitled, sneering, self-congratulatory, blinkered bullshit. Every single line is a total nonsensical lie - it'd be tempting to completely dismantle the thing if it wasn't so lame and pathetic, a small river of dribble on the chin of a racist in a nursing home.

[touchingcloth]

"me chrome is slow"

... when was the last time you closed a tab, boomer?

"2013"

Boomer: Here are pictures of our trip to California. This is Big Sur. Take my iPad and keep scrolling.

Me: Big Sur, wow. San Francisco looks lovely. Erm, this is a screenshot of your boarding pass in your Apple Wallet...

Boomer: Yes. Keep scrolling.

Me. Screenshot of the website of the hotel you stayed in. Screenshot of a photo of a menu of a restaurant from your camera roll. The actual photo that the screenshot was of. Screenshot of a TripAdvisor page giving that restaurant 2 stars. Are these all screenshots?

Boomer: No, keep scrolling.

Me: Boomer. Why are you screenshotting everything? This is like the time you used to save websites as desktop icons. You're not still doing that as well are you?

Boomer: Yes, it keeps it organised.

Me: *close photo app, see a home screen with ten pages of app icons, except their not apps their webpages saved to the home screen*

[touchingcloth]

I don't think anything boils my piss more than this fucking crap. Absolute blight on humanity that anyone could take the time to cobble together this absolute mindless, entitled, sneering, self-congratulatory, blinkered bullshit. Every single line is a total nonsensical lie - it'd be tempting to completely dismantle the thing if it wasn't so lame and pathetic, a small river of dribble on the chin of a racist in a nursing home.

Some things we didn't have in childhood
And certainly not in your nan's
But I have to admit some things are better now
As a lad I had no Comic Sans
Author: a cunt. A ludicrous, demented cunt.