Author Topic: Boomer infestation (Read 15291 times)

idunnosomename · « **Reply #210 on:** October 31, 2019, 11:14:00 PM »

Quote from: dallasman on October 31, 2019, 09:36:46 PM

give it to me baby
uh huh uh huh

touchingcloth · « **Reply #211 on:** October 31, 2019, 11:14:25 PM »

Quote from: dallasman on October 31, 2019, 11:09:43 PM

For the Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher-curious: You put the cap on the egg, lift the metal ball and drop it down the pole like a spherical stripper.

And then it goes up your arse?

dallasman · « **Reply #212 on:** October 31, 2019, 11:23:57 PM »

Quote from: touchingcloth on October 31, 2019, 11:14:25 PM

And then it goes up your arse?

That's between you, your Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher and the rest of your table.

touchingcloth · « **Reply #213 on:** October 31, 2019, 11:37:21 PM »

Quote from: dallasman on October 31, 2019, 11:23:57 PM

That's between you, your Eierschalensollbruchstellenverursacher and the rest of your table.

I’m really confused. At which point is it intended to be anused?

hamfist · « **Reply #214 on:** November 01, 2019, 07:44:25 AM »

Quote from: touchingcloth on October 31, 2019, 11:08:56 PM

When I read hamfist’s post I assumed he really meant defenestrate, but I’m a funny ha ho har way, and we were supposed to imagine that you could pop an egg in the end and onager the fucker out of a window with it. From there I assumed his German word was also made up for chuckle guffaw hyucks.

So what does the thing do? You put it up your arse with an egg?

Oops, yeah I typed decapitate and got defenestrate from my ludicrous Wurstfinger. From the sound of what dallasman says, you might as well defenestrate it. I can assure you though that the German word is legit. An actual German named Johan once came up to me and asked me if I could guess what a device with such a name would do.

So yeah, you use it to push the egg up your arse, then you ping the metal ball along the shaft and into your arse, then withdraw it. The egg remains in your arse. Now squat over an eggcup and strain. The inside of the egg will plop neatly out of your cloaca onto the eggcup. Enjoy the egg.

Some time later you will gently queef out the shell, like a snake regurgitating.

touchingcloth · « **Reply #215 on:** November 01, 2019, 08:30:03 AM »

Sorry, I’m confused. My next-day delivery of one of these is due before 1 today, so I really need to clarify precisely when it goes up my arse, and also when I am supposed to move it from my arse to my cloaca. Is there an e-book anyone can recommend quickly?

hamfist · « **Reply #216 on:** November 01, 2019, 10:04:03 AM »

Quote from: touchingcloth on November 01, 2019, 08:30:03 AM

Sorry, I’m confused. My next-day delivery of one of these is due before 1 today, so I really need to clarify precisely when it goes up my arse, and also when I am supposed to move it from my arse to my cloaca. Is there an e-book anyone can recommend quickly?

1. Select an acceptable egg.
Too small will fall out, cracked will tear your rectum. Must be boiled egg, not raw.

2. Make yourself comfortable in a bed
Use the Eierschalensollbruchstelleverursacher to insert the egg into your rectum rounded end first.
Make sure your penis is flaccid.
Erections can crack the egg prematurely.

3. Use lube if necessary
To get the egg into your actual arse.

4. Flick ball along shaft into anus
The egg should crack neatly around the pointy end.

5. Push out the egg.

6. Enjoy the egg
Season to taste.

7. After ten minutes the shell will "queef out".

8. Dispose of the "queefed out" shell responsibly.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #217 on:** November 01, 2019, 10:25:24 AM »

Very useful thanks

touchingcloth · « **Reply #218 on:** November 01, 2019, 11:03:01 AM »

Yes, that clarifies things immensely. I would like to take the time to thank you for taking the time to draw nice pictures about how I should take time inserting my egg today. My tracking information tells me that my eierschalensollbruchstelleverursacher is out for delivery, so I've stuck a note on the door to tell the driver to leave it in the porch and I'm going to dash into town quickly for some fresh eggs and cloaca/anus preparation materials (I don't usually let myself run out of them - embarrassing).

idunnosomename · « **Reply #219 on:** November 17, 2019, 08:58:16 PM »

bgmnts · « **Reply #220 on:** November 17, 2019, 09:36:38 PM »

So the Union Flag = England then?

"These days, if you say you're English..."

idunnosomename · « **Reply #221 on:** November 17, 2019, 09:44:10 PM »

i mean also george bernard shaw was irish but whatever. same stupid comic meter.

Quote · « **Reply #222 on:** November 17, 2019, 10:14:26 PM »

Evening Johnny Foreigner. We’re the English, from England. Got a problem with that, pal?

FerriswheelBueller · « **Reply #223 on:** November 17, 2019, 10:22:44 PM »

Rhyming “Mons” with “sons” is just awful.

flotemysost · « **Reply #224 on:** November 17, 2019, 11:29:46 PM »

Quote from: Egyptian Feast on October 30, 2019, 01:51:04 PM

It's not this, by any chance?

I remember the slap on my backside
The warmth of his hand on my bum
No paedophile nonsense in those days
Just boys being boys, good clean fun!

I bloody love stuff like this. Does the Mail still have that section called 'Peterborough'? This is the sort of thing that would fit right in there, if memory serves me correctly.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #225 on:** November 17, 2019, 11:58:24 PM »

i love how all these heartfelt feelings of genuine nostalgia that attempt to gain importance through poetic form do so through a meter derived from a poem about Santa and his magic reindeer

icehaven · « **Reply #226 on:** November 18, 2019, 06:13:22 AM »

"Europe is miles away, over the sea"
But I'll still move to Spain as a rich retiree.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #227 on:** November 18, 2019, 06:18:50 AM »

Red roses there so voting Labour good boomer well behaved boomer.

Egyptian Feast · « **Reply #228 on:** January 25, 2020, 10:59:48 AM »

Excellent, Scarfolk-esque parody of boomer poetry. Hope it gets widely shared on Facebook.

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #229 on:** January 25, 2020, 11:09:01 AM »

Quote from: dallasman on October 31, 2019, 10:50:08 PM

Battery-powered pepper mill, so you don't have to turn anything, just hold down a button, and it shines an actual light on the pepper as it cascades out from the bottom.

I bought one of these because the 'proper' mill i bought turned out to have a plastic burrs and they wore out and they happened to be selling these electric ones in lidl for £7.

It's great, especially for something like a pan of mash or stews where you put quite a bit of pepper in. Wouldn't go back now.

Better Midlands · « **Reply #230 on:** January 25, 2020, 01:14:50 PM »

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on January 25, 2020, 11:09:01 AM

It's great, especially for something like a pan of mash or stews where you put quite a bit of pepper in. Wouldn't go back now.

I got given one for Christmas (by a boomer) about 10 years ago, I used it in the way you described and eventually the bottom got all claggy because of the steam rising from the pan.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #231 on:** January 25, 2020, 01:40:39 PM »

this had me chortling

haha "share if you remember going to prison"

is it genuine? probably i think. but the replies definitely mostly are

https://www.facebook.com/pg/memorylanduk/photos/?ref=page_internal

idunnosomename · « **Reply #232 on:** January 25, 2020, 01:51:18 PM »

Maybe im showing my age but isnt this marmalade

fuck the clean young men they have today. fucking fakers

like and subscribe

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #233 on:** January 25, 2020, 02:05:28 PM »

Quote from: idunnosomename on January 25, 2020, 01:40:39 PM

this had me chortling

(sorry)

Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse · « **Reply #234 on:** January 25, 2020, 02:08:03 PM »

Remember how things were awesome
When I was a stupid child
We didn't have complicated things
Like racists and paedophiles.
Shittily shittily fuckty blah
Bollocks and cunt and piss
Why is everything different now
A fucking adult wrote this.

idunnosomename · « **Reply #235 on:** January 25, 2020, 02:17:27 PM »

Konki · « **Reply #236 on:** January 25, 2020, 02:35:04 PM »

Quote from: idunnosomename on January 25, 2020, 01:40:39 PM

this had me chortling

That page is superb, so weird.

WHO MEMBERS CALLING YOUR MUM 'MOM'?

Sebastian Cobb · « **Reply #237 on:** January 25, 2020, 02:37:42 PM »

People from the Blackcountry get really precious about that.

Konki · « **Reply #238 on:** January 25, 2020, 02:41:30 PM »

My sister-in-law is from the Black Country and I've never heard her use it.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #239 on:** January 25, 2020, 02:54:51 PM »

Fucking amazing.

A couple of years ago using meme generator my piss take was

WHO REMEMBERS

THE WALLS OF YOUR PRIMARY SCHOOL

News:

Author Topic: Boomer infestation (Read 15291 times)