Topic: playground modifications to pop songs.

[Absorb the anus burn]

Prince Charming by Adam Ant:

"... Prince Chow Mein, Prince Chow Mein
Fish and chips is nothing to be scared of!..."

Uptown Girl by Billy Joel:

"... Uptown Wally.
She's been livin' in a Tesco trolley.
She's been going out with Action Man,
I saw them kissing in the A Team van...

[Gulftastic]

'Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is lonely feeling you?'

[Norton Canes]

Last Christmas I gave you my arse
And the very next day you said I was gay

[studpuppet]

Jesus Christ Superstar
Goin' ninety miles on his Yamaha.
Did a skid, killed a flid
Fractured his balls on a dustbin lid.
If you shoot me, I don't care
I've got bulletproof underwear.
When I die, bury me
Hang my balls from a cherry tree.

[Bobby Treetops]

I won't let your mum go down on me,
I won't let your mum go down.

[JesusAndYourBush]

I went to a party at the county jail,
Caught my bollocks on a rusty nail,
When I got home I had a shock,
Only one ball and half a cock,
Let's rock!

I went to a party at the county jail,
Caught my bollocks on a rusty nail,
When I got home I had a shock,
No more balls and no more cock,
Let's rock!

[Absorb the anus burn]

Jesus Christ Superstar
Goin' ninety miles on his Yamaha.
Did a skid, killed a flid
Fractured his balls on a dustbin lid.
If you shoot me, I don't care
I've got bulletproof underwear.
When I die, bury me
Hang my balls from a cherry tree.

A variation:

"... Jesus Christ, Superstar, came down from heaven in a bumper car.
Done a skid... Killed a kid.
Chopped off his willy on a dustbin lid..."

Last Christmas I gave you my arse
And the very next day you said I was gay

Another variation...

"Last Christmas I did a big fart, but the very next day the smell went away.
This year, to save you from tears, I'll save it for someone special..."

[Natnar]

Betty Boo
Betty Boo is doing a poo
She's on the loo
And she's constipated too.

[idunnosomename]

I saw your mum
She opened up her legs I saw her bum
It was disgusting
Her pubes were rusting

[holyzombiejesus]

I'm a survivor, I've got a fiver,
Jumped on a bus and punched out the driver.
It was dead funny, I nicked all his money,
and I'm a survivor cuz I still got me fiver.

Also...

Uptown Wally,
She's been living in a Tesco trolley.
She got married to an Action Man
And now they're shagging in the A-Team van

and...

In the jungle with Geoffrey and Bungle
And George is having fun.
Zippy got silly and pulled out his willy
And stuck it up Bungle's bum.

[Twed]

"... Prince Chow Mein, Prince Chow Mein
Fish and chips is nothing to be scared of!..."

For me this one is

"Prince Charmin, Prince Charmin,
Wiping poo is nothing to be scared of"

Wuthering Heights is

"My fish and chip shop bill:
a meal with cod
and maybe a couple of plaices"

[icehaven]

There was an extremely of-it's-time parody of Pure Morning by Placebo in the NME in about 1998, something like "My friend's the best, as he has breasts" and so on, which was presumably nicked by the grown ass journalist after they overheard some teenagers.

[Shaky]

Looking out the window above,
Some bastard gave me a shove,
Now I'm falling.

[OnlyRegisteredSoICanRead]

There was an extremely of-it's-time parody of Pure Morning by Placebo in the NME in about 1998, something like "My friend's the best, as he has breasts" and so on, which was presumably nicked by the grown ass journalist after they overheard some teenagers.

Melody Maker review, ' "A friend with breasts and all the rest" readers, he's talking about a fanny'

[jobotic]

Get down on it
Suck my helmet
Please don't bite it
Just excite it

[alan nagsworth]

Riding along in my washing machine
My baby comes out she’s nice and clean

Chuck Berry’s kicking himself having not considered that tbh

[alan nagsworth]

Jesus Christ Superstar
Goin' ninety miles on his Yamaha.
Did a skid, killed a flid
Fractured his balls on a dustbin lid.
If you shoot me, I don't care
I've got bulletproof underwear.
When I die, bury me
Hang my balls from a cherry tree.

Yeah we had the first half of this. Not sure if you’re aware though but the last two lines are lyrics from “Back From The Dead” by House of Pain.

[alan nagsworth]

Ah just thought of another one we had:

Down at Fraggle Rock
Grab your daddy by his cock
Swing him round for years and years
Till his eyes are full of tears
Down at Fraggle Rock

[pigamus]

Put your hand up your bum and tell me
Does it smell
I won't believe it till

[JesusAndYourBush]

Never heard any of those Jesus Christ Superstar variations until internet.
Ours was...

Jesus Christ Superstar
He wears frilly knickers and he wears a bra.

No other lyrics, just those two lines.

[jobotic]

Walks like a woman and he wears a bra

[Bennett Brauer]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-43428742

The iconic fanfare that opens Superstar almost never made it into the musical, says Lord Lloyd-Webber.
"Two days after I thought of it, I'd forgotten it," he says. "Then it came back to me when I was walking past a restaurant in Fulham.
"I knew the guy who ran it, so I went in and said, 'can I borrow a napkin?'. And I wrote the tune down because I didn't want to forget it again!
"I remember the moment very, very well."
The 15-note phrase spawned a thousand imitations and more than a few playground parodies. Does he have a favourite? Yes, he does.
"Georgie Best, superstar," the composer recites, poker-faced. "Walks like a woman and he wears a bra."

[Artie Fufkin]

Wuthering Heights is

"My fish and chip shop bill:
a meal with cod
and maybe a couple of plaices"

Wuthering Heights???! Are you sure???

[gib]

From a similar thread in the past:

We had joy we had fun, kicking Small Man up the bum
But the joy didn't last, when the shit came out his arse

[Bennett Brauer]

Wuthering Heights???! Are you sure???

I saw it was Running Up That Hill right away, so I presumed he was joking.

[boki]

So here it is, Merry Christmas!
Everybody's had your mum.
We couldn't help ourselves,
She loves it up the bu-u-uuum.

[Artie Fufkin]

I saw it was Running Up That Hill right away, so I presumed he was joking.

Do NOT joke about Kate Bush

[Artie Fufkin]

So here it is, Merry Christmas!
Everybody's had your mum.
We couldn't help ourselves,
She loves it up the bu-u-uuum.

Proper LOLZ innit

[Twed]

I saw it was Running Up That Hill right away, so I presumed he was joking.

No it's just that my brain is turning into absolute shit.

[Twed]

Ah just thought of another one we had:

Down at Fraggle Rock
Grab your daddy by his cock
Swing him round for years and years
Till his eyes are full of tears
Down at Fraggle Rock

Man, your school sucked. The Essex version was

"Down at Fraggle Rock,
grab a Fraggle by his cock
Swing him round your head
now that Fraggle's dead."

There was also

"I hate you, you hate me,
We chased Barney up a tree.
With a double-barelled shotgun-BANG
he's on the floor!
No more purple dinosaur."

It's the stark finality of the final lines in those ones that make them magical.