Festival of Brexit to go ahead

[NJ Uncut]

They'll just co-opt Apple Day

Apple Day is an annual celebration of apples and orchards, held in October. It is celebrated mainly in the United Kingdom. It traditionally falls on 21 October, the date of the first such event in 1990, but events are held throughout the month.[1] It is commonly a weekend event, usually taking place on the Saturday and Sunday closest to 30 October.[citation needed]

Apple Day events can be large or small, from apple games in a garden to large village fairs with cookery demonstrations, games, apple identification, juice and cider, gardening advice, and the sale of many hundreds of apple varieties.

Because:

Common Ground has used the apple as a symbol of the physical, cultural and genetic diversity we should not let slip away.

[king_tubby]

James Bond parachutes out of a Spitfire made of poppies and humps the Queen.

[Captain Z]

A Beefeater with 5-o'clock-shadow takes his fag break in a muddy car park next to the painted-on London skyline where Big Ben, The London Eye and The Shard are all the same height.

[Kryton]

5 minutes in... "Ladies and Gentlemen, due to technical difficulties we are afraid to inform you that the Festival of Brexit is now cancelled."

That's it. No denouement. No refunds. People trundle back to their homes in Vancouver, Hyderabad, Perth and St. Albans.

Can you all leave please. NOW. Leave means Leave.

[king_tubby]

painted-on London skyline where Big Ben, The London Eye and The Shard are all the same height.

*painted on London skyline commissioned by Survation for the Liberal Democrats.

[Buelligan]

Heheh.  Nice.

[New folder]

The identity of The Brexit is revealed, live on stage.

[Neomod]

Just ask Sam Jinks to make a 4 story version of his piece Still Life, call it 'Britannia' and stick it on a specially constructed bridge across the Thames.

https://www.portrait.gov.au/files/d/7/2/a/i6275-dbq.jpg

Ahhhhhhhhh

It's art but it's not really SFW.

[SteveDave]

Richard Littlejohn says "YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING THESE DAYS" for 24 hours without food, drink or sleep. This mantra eventually helps him transcend his body and he leaves the festival with the power to move trees with his mind. 

[thenoise]

All of our Dads meet in a Wetherspoons to complain about how bad things are nowadays, whilst failing to acknowledge the role they had in causing the situation.

'And these young 'uns have the nerve to blame Are Glorious Brexit for their lack of jobs.  There weren't any investment from Europe when I was a lad, but we just pulled our finger out and got on with it didn't we.'

[Huxleys Babkins]

Rod Liddle kicks his pregnant girlfriend down a flight of Penrose stairs. Pay £20 to stand at the side where you can spit at her and call her a snowflake as she tumbles helplessly into infinity.

[Captain Z]

Whack-a-mole game but the moles are Juncker, Tusk, Verhofstadt, Merkel, Macron, Varadkar and Corbyn.

[Buelligan]

Rod Liddle kicks his pregnant girlfriend down a flight of Penrose stairs. Pay £20 to stand at the side where you can spit at her and call her a snowflake as she tumbles helplessly into infinity.

I hope another person impregnated the woman in this scenario.  If it was Liddle I'm afraid the story's just too disgusting and dark for me.  I'm oot.

[idunnosomename]

Poolia Fartley-Pooer is just really content with the status quo i guess

[boki]

Morrissey sobs as fat hooligans throw pigs' heads at his vegan food truck, yet still fails to learn any life lessons about the politics of division.

[dissolute ocelot]

A lifesize model of David Cameron's shed full of flesh-eating bugs and Jacob Rees-Mogg sticks his face inside and says "Why, doesn't it smell delightful?" as they fly up his nose and devour him from the inside out.

Also lots of eels.

[BlodwynPig]

Can you all leave please. NOW. Leave means Leave.

But you can't leave...you're stuck behind dawdling tourists with selfie sticks and lack of spatial awareness.

"OK, you're all in the SKIP NOW!"

[BlodwynPig]

James Bond parachutes out of a Spitfire made of poppies and humps the Queen.

Did you know James Bond (Daniel Craig) had dinner and slept at Windsor Castle? Startled at this. Did no-one tell the Queen that James Bond wasn't real and he was merely an actor.

[SteveDave]

Did you know James Bond (Daniel Craig) had dinner and slept at Windsor Castle? Startled at this. Did no-one tell the Queen that James Bond wasn't real and he was merely an actor.

What did they talk about over dinner I wonder? Does the Queen have to go outside for an after dinner fag?

[king_tubby]

Are you confusing James Bond with Michael Fagan again?

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

Hogarth appointed official artist.

[poodlefaker]

Mick Hucknall leads the Band of the Coldstream Guards in a version of Paul Nicolas's "Reggae Like It Used To Be", live from the Ricoh Arena.

[idunnosomename]

A bulldog does a big long mournful fart and the country applauds

[Norton Canes]

Chris Chibnall sets a S12 episode of Doctor Who there. Except he calls in the Festival of Bregress.

[studpuppet]