Author Topic: Accidental Inappropriateness  (Read 2381 times)

Small Man Big Horse

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Accidental Inappropriateness
« on: November 07, 2019, 09:33:34 PM »
So I was wandering around Walthamstow high street in a surprisingly good mood earlier today, and for some unknown reason I started singing "Your Letter was only the start of it, One letter and now you're a part of it" and for the life of me I couldn't think what the rest of the song was, or where it came from. Then about ten minutes later with sudden horror I realised just what the rest of the song was. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neCP_xu18k8

Now I imagine a baying mob will demand my death very soon, but before they understandably kill me, have you ever been accidentally inappropriate?

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2019, 09:47:06 PM »
I work with an black man who is a creationist Christian, and we were once arguing about evolution. At one point I found myself saying to him "Yes! You are an ape!" He took no offence, because he knew the context but anyone walking past our desks at that point would have been entitled to do a double-take.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2019, 10:07:11 PM »
I was on a conference call earlier with someone who was working at home, and we clearly heard their young daughter saying “look at my new hair”. I asked whether she meant haircut or an actual hair...

touchingcloth

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2019, 10:11:31 PM »
In my first real job on a year’s placement during uni, I was having coffee with the real people one day discussing our plans for the weekend, and one of them was away to Wales for a holiday. For some reason I asked the question “so, are you hotel-ing, B&B-ing, cottaging...?”

I realised as soon as the word left my mouth, of course. God knows what I was thinking - I’ve never said “hotel-ing” before or since.

Buelligan

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2019, 10:32:41 PM »
I was given a lift by a friend of a friend.  I didn't know this person but I did know that he was gay.  He was telling me about his boyfriend, the great big lovely boyfriend of his that was supposed to be visiting but a load of stuff had happened and at the last minute he couldn't come.  I said What a giant bummer

He looked at me.  I looked at him.  And we continued our drive in a strange silence.

touchingcloth

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2019, 10:34:19 PM »
Of course, if your a gay and you're boyfriend can't come at the last minute, that is a very good thing. More sexy bummer time.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2019, 10:37:29 PM »
Bird watching with a big breasted lady

“What are those?”

Me: “a pair of great tits”

1974 it was

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #7 on: November 07, 2019, 10:38:37 PM »
Not exactly accidental, as it was a tasteless remark anyway... but when describing a creepy, oddball colleague to some friends several years ago, I was trying to give a vivid depiction of his unsettling qualities and said something along the lines of 'I bet he secretly keeps his dead Mum in the freezer and takes her out to change her clothes every week, or something', then immediately remembered that one of my mates who was there had lost his mum a few years back (we were in our early 20s at the time so having a dead parent wasn't necessarily the norm either).

Everyone kind of laughed it off as 'ooh that got a bit dark' but I definitely wanted to join her in my colleague's fictional freezer at that moment.

I was given a lift by a friend of a friend.  I didn't know this person but I did know that he was gay.  He was telling me about his boyfriend, the great big lovely boyfriend of his that was supposed to be visiting but a load of stuff had happened and at the last minute he couldn't come.  I said What a giant bummer

He looked at me.  I looked at him.  And we continued our drive in a strange silence.

Ahh this is amazing.

Blumf

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #8 on: November 07, 2019, 11:04:00 PM »
The wife was visiting her mum in Hospital today, and as is often the case there was an elderly lady with dementia in the ward. Seems the old dear has a son called Richard, as she spent most the time calling out for him. "Dick, I need dick" she would cry out.

Equal parts desolation and Carry-On fnurring.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #9 on: November 07, 2019, 11:22:58 PM »
When is is due?

My m7 was 21 or so, on the tills at lidl, he saw a woman he hadn't seen since school. He asked her when it was due.]

I AM NOT PREGNANT!

You know the answer to this, so awkward.

Bennett Brauer

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #10 on: November 07, 2019, 11:45:47 PM »
Always best to play it safe and tell a woman she looks fat.

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #11 on: November 08, 2019, 12:12:59 AM »
I met the mayor of Leicester at the mayoral inauguration ceremony and accidentally told him "I hate Leicester, the entire Leicester council and every single person who lives in Leicester and I hope the entire city gets nuked back into fucking dinosaur times and covered in dogshit. Now fuck off" Boy that was embarrassing!

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #12 on: November 08, 2019, 01:07:11 AM »
Remembered another: my company's annual backslapping ceremony a few years ago culminated in a 'gala dinner' with an ill-advised seating plan, intended to get people to talk to departments and colleagues they didn't normally mix with. Except of course I was sat with a bunch of editors who all worked together and had known each other for aeons, and obviously weren't particularly interested in getting to know the meek IT worker sandwiched awkwardly between them.

Desperately trying to think of some way of inserting myself into the conversation, I thought making small talk about the food would be a safe bet. As it arrived and people started tucking in - it was a set menu, I'd gone for the veggie option, while the meat option was coq au vin - I turned to the man next to me and said what would have sounded like, 'This is lovely, how's your cock?'

Paul Calf

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #13 on: November 08, 2019, 05:27:31 AM »
I have hundreds of these and they haunt me daily.

BlodwynPig

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #14 on: November 08, 2019, 06:49:54 AM »
Remembered another: my company's annual backslapping ceremony a few years ago culminated in a 'gala dinner' with an ill-advised seating plan, intended to get people to talk to departments and colleagues they didn't normally mix with. Except of course I was sat with a bunch of editors who all worked together and had known each other for aeons, and obviously weren't particularly interested in getting to know the meek IT worker sandwiched awkwardly between them.

Desperately trying to think of some way of inserting myself into the conversation, I thought making small talk about the food would be a safe bet. As it arrived and people started tucking in - it was a set menu, I'd gone for the veggie option, while the meat option was coq au vin - I turned to the man next to me and said what would have sounded like, 'This is lovely, how's your cock?'

Film cliche alert: and they all roared with laughter and now you own the company

icehaven

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #15 on: November 08, 2019, 06:59:58 AM »
Many years ago at work I was wearing a band Tshirt (can't remember which band) and a customer commented on it as they'd never heard of them. I told him they were quite big, to which he replied "Yes, quite big on your chest." which could have been construed as intentional and jokey, only his face immediately dropped when he realised what he'd said and he shuffled off in a cloud of embarrassment.

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #16 on: November 08, 2019, 07:20:31 AM »
I met the mayor of Leicester at the mayoral inauguration ceremony and accidentally told him "I hate Leicester, the entire Leicester council and every single person who lives in Leicester and I hope the entire city gets nuked back into fucking dinosaur times and covered in dogshit. Now fuck off" Boy that was embarrassing!

I laughed

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #17 on: November 08, 2019, 08:10:17 AM »
Told my mate my dog was “good in bed” the other day - meaning behaviour wise natch (a gentleman never tells)

seepage

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #18 on: November 08, 2019, 08:17:48 AM »
when suggesting to a couple places to eat, I included The Felch of Bacon. Twice.

At a do, after discussing the state of the world with a double-amputee, my partner signed off with their usual "ah well, at least we've still got all our arms & legs, eh?".

Paul Calf

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #19 on: November 08, 2019, 08:34:16 AM »
Me and a mate of mine, John, were once joking around in that fake-ultra-nasty way that young men in their very early 20s tend to do when I said to him "You're such a fucking cunt. I hope your mum dies of cancer," before realising that David was also in the room and his mother had indeed died of cancer about 18 months previously. David is the nicest man I know.

Even now, a quarter of a century later, it still makes me cringe.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #20 on: November 08, 2019, 09:12:13 AM »
Best one I heard wasn't me, but I was there. Working at a bank in Glasgow, me on contract the rest perm, sat in a meeting with management about staff cutbacks. I wasn't too fussed by the one lass, called Jackie was getting well uptight and wound up.

Also present was this chap who worked for another company but was permanently on site for us, and other firms in the building - he was on dialysis as he had no kidney function. I forget his name.

So he says 'I'm not worried, at least I've still got some work'

Jackie pipes up and says to him 'Well at least I've got some kidneys'

Ohh, the atmosphere was awful. TBF she was devastated, mouth to quick for brain that was her problem. She did apologise!


touchingcloth

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #21 on: November 08, 2019, 09:25:29 AM »
Me and a mate of mine, John, were once joking around in that fake-ultra-nasty way that young men in their very early 20s tend to do when I said to him "You're such a fucking cunt. I hope your mum dies of cancer," before realising that David was also in the room and his mother had indeed died of cancer about 18 months previously. David is the nicest man I know.

Even now, a quarter of a century later, it still makes me cringe.

I was doing this in school once - horrible awful Your Mum jokes when we both knew we were too old to really be getting amusement out of it, and that was the joke, such as it was.

When it felt like we had thoroughly scraped the barrel I decided to switch tack a little - “Your dad’s dead.” He was.

Another time I wasn’t mucking about with a friend, but we were walking through town and I made a “wuh oh” sound as I nearly slipped on a stone staircase. He asked what was up, so I said I had almost fell down the stairs like a twat. Not many months earlier his mum had met her maker that way. I’m not sure if he even noticed - he didn’t make a face or owt - but I instantly wished I had have tripped to save me from my shame.

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #22 on: November 08, 2019, 09:49:45 AM »
I was given a lift by a friend of a friend.  I didn't know this person but I did know that he was gay.  He was telling me about his boyfriend, the great big lovely boyfriend of his that was supposed to be visiting but a load of stuff had happened and at the last minute he couldn't come.  I said What a giant bummer

He looked at me.  I looked at him.  And we continued our drive in a strange silence.

There's some lovely stuff in this thread that is making me cringe just reading it, but so far Buelligan's tale is the one that made me laugh the most.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #23 on: November 08, 2019, 10:08:05 AM »
The man who owns the 2nd hand bookshop in Manchester has two prosthetic hands and he was struggling with a big stack of hardbacks I'd brought in to sell. "Do you need a hand?"

My favourite was one I read in The Idler where a guy who worked in a motorway service cafe was on his lunch break and couldn't find anywhere to sit and perched on the end of a table next to an Asian family. When a table became free and lots of his co-workers appeared and sat at it, he stood up to join them, explaining to the family "I'm off to sit with my own kind."

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #24 on: November 08, 2019, 11:27:24 AM »
2 incidents specifically spring to mind...

The first was when I was in university, there were a few girls by the entrance to the campus collecting money for charity, one approached me and silently handed me a clipboard. I filled it in thinking they'd email to make a donation later. but they wanted the money now. I said that I didn't have any money on me at the time and handed the clipboard back. she shook her head and kept her hand held out, I jingle/jangled my coat and shook my head saying "NO MONEY" loudly...she was deaf. It was for a deaf charity...I only realised after I'd got to my lecture and sat down. needless to say I crawled up my own backside shortly after.

The second was much more straightforward. I was at comic-con. a kids ran past in cosplay as the Doctor from Doctor who. I only caught a glimpse as they ran past but I loudly turned to my partner and went "NAWWW! IT'S A MINI CAPALDI!"...it was a dwarf. my partner wouldn't walk with me for the rest of the day and continues to take the piss to this day.

Better Midlands

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #25 on: November 08, 2019, 11:36:26 AM »
When is is due?

My m7 was 21 or so, on the tills at lidl, he saw a woman he hadn't seen since school. He asked her when it was due.]

I AM NOT PREGNANT!

You know the answer to this, so awkward.

The opposite for me, I was chatting to a woman online that I'd never met IRL and she told me she used to be the drummer in an (unknown) indie pop band, I said oh, you're like Karen Carpenter without the eating disorder.

You can guess the rest.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #26 on: November 08, 2019, 11:40:13 AM »
Egg on my face when the man came to put up the blinds while I was having a wank.

Better Midlands

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #27 on: November 08, 2019, 11:44:42 AM »
Egg on my face when the man came to put up the blinds while I was having a wank.

Were you in the bath with a nun?

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #28 on: November 08, 2019, 11:48:13 AM »
Were you in the bath with a nun?

No nun, but certainly beating the shit out of a bishop.

Twed

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #29 on: November 08, 2019, 11:52:15 AM »
Jackie pipes up and says to him 'Well at least I've got some kidneys'

I think she is my one