Author Topic: Accidental Inappropriateness  (Read 2380 times)

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #30 on: November 08, 2019, 12:07:06 PM »
The second was much more straightforward. I was at comic-con. a kids ran past in cosplay as the Doctor from Doctor who. I only caught a glimpse as they ran past but I loudly turned to my partner and went "NAWWW! IT'S A MINI CAPALDI!"...it was a dwarf. my partner wouldn't walk with me for the rest of the day and continues to take the piss to this day.

This is what having small kids is like all the time, but not by accident. They are inquisitive little fuckers with no filter and they will humiliate you in front of everyone. The worst one was when we were in town over the summer and there was a rather large young lady in ill-advised Daisy Dukes about whom my lad exclaimed very loudly "I can see that lady's fat bum!" We've since had the talk about how it's rude to talk about peoples' appearance in front of them, but he's still found ways to embarrass me.

Yesterday he decided to open a conversation about how much kitchen roll someone would need whilst we were stood behind a bloke in Lidl who was buying a massive amount of crisps, cider and kitchen roll. The other week we were in Sainsbury's in the self-checkout next to an alky couple when he suddenly blurts out "why do some people smell of beer and rubbish?".

29 years old, etc.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #31 on: November 08, 2019, 12:09:36 PM »
I was given a lift by a friend of a friend.  I didn't know this person but I did know that he was gay.  He was telling me about his boyfriend, the great big lovely boyfriend of his that was supposed to be visiting but a load of stuff had happened and at the last minute he couldn't come.  I said What a giant bummer

He looked at me.  I looked at him.  And we continued our drive in a strange silence.

That's great. Lols here.

Shaky

  • I drink your thread
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #32 on: November 08, 2019, 12:50:12 PM »
10 minutes into the introductory session for my Uni course, following some basic house-keeping stuff, the tutor light-heartedly said, "Well, everyone can go home now!" I took one look around the group of 30 or so people, decided that clearly no-one wanted to be the first to walk out so I took the lead and bombed towards the door. I vividly remember closing it to the sounds of the room totally cracking up at my abrupt departure. To make matters worse, I waited a few moments before sticking my head into the room again, looking around silently, then exiting for good.

I was "that guy" for quite a while after that.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #33 on: November 08, 2019, 01:00:35 PM »
Egg on my face when the man came to put up the blinds while I was having a wank.

Who's eggs were on your face?

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #34 on: November 08, 2019, 01:33:11 PM »
I sometimes come home and burst into the kitchen where my kids are, singing:

"HELLO!! HELLO!!
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!
GOOD TO BE BACK!"

Meanwhile throwing proper 'Glitter-in-his-pomp' shapes, strutting around with narrowed eyes, hands on hips. My children have no idea how inappropriate I'm being. It's impossible to stop.

"DID YOU MISS ME?! OH!! WHILE I WAS AWAY
DID YOU HANG MY PICTURE ON YOUR WALL?!!"

Voltan (Man of Steel)

  • 8% English, apparently
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #35 on: November 08, 2019, 01:49:28 PM »
A young guy from a neighbouring authority was visiting the council department where I work to shadow a couple of our officers on food hygiene inspections. Before he arrived a couple of colleagues who knew him were talking about how he and his male partner had recently bought a house together and what a lovely couple they were. The guy was looking a bit anxious, so in an attempt to reassure him that we weren't into unnecessary bureaucracy, the officer taking him out for the morning said "No, we don't go in for that anal stuff here."

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #36 on: November 08, 2019, 04:17:03 PM »
I sometimes come home and burst into the kitchen where my kids are, singing:

"HELLO!! HELLO!!
IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK!
GOOD TO BE BACK!"

Meanwhile throwing proper 'Glitter-in-his-pomp' shapes, strutting around with narrowed eyes, hands on hips. My children have no idea how inappropriate I'm being. It's impossible to stop.

"DID YOU MISS ME?! OH!! WHILE I WAS AWAY
DID YOU HANG MY PICTURE ON YOUR WALL?!!"

That's not accidental but it's a very arresting (hopefully not actually) image.

I remember in the late 90s or early 00s there was a cat food advert on TV featuring, bizarrely, I'm The Leader of the Gang (I Am) as the music. I tried to sing along and my mum shushed me and tutted and I was very confused.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #37 on: November 08, 2019, 04:45:31 PM »
The man who owns the 2nd hand bookshop in Manchester has two prosthetic hands and he was struggling with a big stack of hardbacks I'd brought in to sell. "Do you need a hand?"

My favourite was one I read in The Idler where a guy who worked in a motorway service cafe was on his lunch break and couldn't find anywhere to sit and perched on the end of a table next to an Asian family. When a table became free and lots of his co-workers appeared and sat at it, he stood up to join them, explaining to the family "I'm off to sit with my own kind."

Never mind second hand bookshop. What he needs is a third and fourth hand (bookshop)

JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #38 on: November 08, 2019, 04:46:35 PM »
Were you in the bath with a nun?

Helping her to wear the soap?

Better Midlands

  • I'm not internationally known
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #39 on: November 08, 2019, 04:48:55 PM »

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #40 on: November 08, 2019, 05:47:44 PM »
Walking past a mate's house with another mate. House had no lights on, looked unoccupied. My mate goes, "looks dead" and I said, "yeah, like his dad". We cackled and walked on.

Get to my mate's two minutes later.

"Lads, I'm really sorry but I just want to let you know we heard from Tom's mum that Ralph's passed away."

:|

Spent a long time wondering if I were somehow responsible.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #41 on: November 08, 2019, 07:31:45 PM »
Not really my inappropriateness as such, but yesterday we were outside where it was noisy, talking about the nights getting shorter (dull, I know) and I said, half jokingly, 'you need to get one of them happy lamps' and the furthest away colleague asked, somewhat incredulously if I had just said 'paki lamp'.

Well of course not, it doesn't even make sense.

Lordofthefiles

  • A dog with two dicks or a dick with two dogs
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #42 on: November 08, 2019, 08:12:20 PM »
Not really my inappropriateness as such, but yesterday we were outside where it was noisy, talking about the nights getting shorter (dull, I know) and I said, half jokingly, 'you need to get one of them happy lamps' and the furthest away colleague asked, somewhat incredulously if I had just said 'paki lamp'.

Well of course not, it doesn't even make sense.

They might’ve meant a “Pachy Lamp”, like this:


Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #43 on: November 08, 2019, 08:21:37 PM »
That's even better than my owl lamp :(

ZoyzaSorris

  • Brimming with innards
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #44 on: November 08, 2019, 08:28:49 PM »
I’m really bad at this. Seem to have a brain that decides to bubble up with inappropriate shite that my conscious brain wouldn’t have even thought of in order to filter out in the first place.

One particularly dreadful recent example was getting about halfway through what was headed for a half hour diatribe on the ridiculousness of Jeremy Epstein’s supposed suicide and the absolute unlikeliness of him intending it or managing it in a high security US prison when I suddenly had the vertiginous realisation that the relative in question had recently actually notoriously attempted to commit suicide and that was actually the main reason we’d gone to great lengths to visit them. Luckily I remembered and stopped mid-flow (fifteen minutes in) with a sudden sledgehammer to the brain that said in neon synapses - this is really inappropriate. Sorry.
« Last Edit: November 08, 2019, 08:58:15 PM by ZoyzaSorris »

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #45 on: November 09, 2019, 07:55:11 AM »
This is what having small kids is like all the time, but not by accident. They are inquisitive little fuckers with no filter and they will humiliate you in front of everyone. The worst one was when we were in town over the summer and there was a rather large young lady in ill-advised Daisy Dukes about whom my lad exclaimed very loudly "I can see that lady's fat bum!" We've since had the talk about how it's rude to talk about peoples' appearance in front of them, but he's still found ways to embarrass me.

Yesterday he decided to open a conversation about how much kitchen roll someone would need whilst we were stood behind a bloke in Lidl who was buying a massive amount of crisps, cider and kitchen roll. The other week we were in Sainsbury's in the self-checkout next to an alky couple when he suddenly blurts out "why do some people smell of beer and rubbish?".

29 years old, etc.

With all due respect I'm not convinced that all children are like that.

Rizla

  • That's not another knife - THIS is another knife!
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #46 on: November 09, 2019, 01:14:07 PM »
Setting up to play a gig in a very crowded pub, one of my bandmates asks if I want a pint. Looking over at the massive bar queue, I suggest we get one of the waiting staff to fetch for us, as "I don't fancy queuing for ages in mongland", a la Jonnatton Yeah? Of course, my bandmate's lovely daughter has downs syndrome. First time I've ever played a gig inside my own arse.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #47 on: November 09, 2019, 02:34:38 PM »
Not really my inappropriateness as such, but yesterday we were outside where it was noisy, talking about the nights getting shorter (dull, I know) and I said, half jokingly, 'you need to get one of them happy lamps' and the furthest away colleague asked, somewhat incredulously if I had just said 'paki lamp'.

Well of course not, it doesn't even make sense.

This reminds me of when I was squeezing onto a very busy train with my friend, who has a tendency to add nonsensical endings onto words - she looked around and sighed 'Oh god it's totally packed in here, we're in... pack-y land', before realising what she'd said as she noticed a large Indian family sitting behind her.

She has pretty bad anxiety and I had to spend the rest of journey reassuring her that she wasn't going to get arrested by British Transport Police/end up vilified on YouTube, etc.

icehaven

  • Please don't hi five people in Tamworth
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #48 on: November 09, 2019, 02:38:31 PM »
In the late 90s a few of us went to see Ultrasound just as they were having their sudden flush of success and the NME etc. were hyping them like mad. If you aren't familiar with them their frontman was fairly atypical for a rising indie band of the times, not least because he was already in his 30s and enormously fat, hence the nickname he went by, Tiny. The venue (The Varsity in Wolverhampton) was miniscule and the stage was about the size of stamp, and the hype meant it was absolutely packed to the rafters. Anyway one friend ended up backstage afterwards and met the band, and at one point they were talking about how small the venue and stage was and how cramped it had been, and my friend replied "Yeah, it was tiny." then immediately realised what she'd said. Apparently an uncomfortable moment followed when they appeared to be trying to work out if she was making a joke or not.

Kryton

  • (Not) An actual threat to humanity.
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #49 on: November 09, 2019, 03:43:42 PM »
Eurgh I just remembered the time I helped a blind guy find his way to a specific shop, it was only a five minute detour for me so I didn't mind. Anyway as I departed he thanked me and I said 'no problem mate, take care, see you later'.

I cringed all the way home. Honest mistake but I genuinely felt rotten.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #50 on: November 09, 2019, 03:51:14 PM »

non capisco

  • Going through the motions like a champ.
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #51 on: November 09, 2019, 08:46:20 PM »
Just remembered the occasion when my nephew was dragging his heels in the park in his Batman costume while we were moving off and my mum in all innocence shouted at him "HURRY UP, BATTY BOY!".

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #52 on: November 10, 2019, 12:25:10 AM »
Just remembered the occasion when my nephew was dragging his heels in the park in his Batman costume while we were moving off and my mum in all innocence shouted at him "HURRY UP, BATTY BOY!".

I remember this from another thread, had me absolutely creasing at the time, still fantastic.

My mum for some reason best known to herself went through a phase of referring to spoons as 'poons', so it wasn't uncommon to hear 'Give me that poon' or similar while she was cooking, to my hysterical laughter and her subsequent bafflement.

Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #53 on: November 10, 2019, 01:44:09 AM »
My young daughter (I was a single father of five) when I changed her nappy I used to always like wiggle her bum cheeks, before fastening it up, totally affectionately believe me!

Anyway, in the shop buying some nappies she suddenly blurts out from her pram 'You like my bum, don't you Dad?'

Luckily it was 25 years ago if it was now Social Services would crucify me....

It was also in Scotland and probably normal for there.....

One day I'll relate the story about when I pissed on her head. It was totally her fault!


hamfist

  • Furry Asscandy
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #54 on: November 10, 2019, 10:44:01 AM »
Standing in my kitchen yesterday with my wife and my 7 yo son’s schoolfriend’s lovely mum.

She’s nice.

Nice milfy mum to me : “What are you, bilingual, tri-lingual ?”

Me, looked her in the eyes and said : “Yeah......I’ll try anything

I swear she bit her lip, as guitars started wacka-wackaing in my head.


touchingcloth

  • Member
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  • She is hot in the arse.
Re: Accidental Inappropriateness
« Reply #55 on: November 10, 2019, 10:51:26 AM »
This reminds me of when I was squeezing onto a very busy train with my friend, who has a tendency to add nonsensical endings onto words - she looked around and sighed 'Oh god it's totally packed in here, we're in... pack-y land', before realising what she'd said as she noticed a large Indian family sitting behind her.

She has pretty bad anxiety and I had to spend the rest of journey reassuring her that she wasn't going to get arrested by British Transport Police/end up vilified on YouTube, etc.

Even if it didn’t sound the same as a racist work, she ought to be ashamed of this kind of behaviour. Hopefully she was scared straight by the experience.