Author Topic: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP  (Read 1242 times)

BritishHobo

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Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« on: November 07, 2019, 10:06:12 PM »
I AM SICK OF THE TALKING FUCKING TOILETS ON VIRGIN TRAINS

SHUT THE FUCK UP

MAKE THEM SHUT THE FUCK UP

What are Virgin aiming to achieve by getting someone to interrupt my quiet poo with a quirky character monologue about being a toilet? The central message about not flushing stuff down the loo could be done in a few seconds. Instead it bangs on and fucking on, like a partner or family member who keeps shouting to you while you're just trying to enjoy a heavy poo, for christ's sake.

Don't you ever speak to me again you toilet fuck.

touchingcloth

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #1 on: November 07, 2019, 10:07:51 PM »
Is its opener still “Hello! It’s me! The toilet!”

Awful as fuck though that is, I was always able to amuse myself thinking about the poor sucker of an actor who had to go into a sound booth with that script.

Bennett Brauer

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2019, 10:36:08 PM »
I AM SICK OF THE TALKING FUCKING TOILETS ON VIRGIN TRAINS

SHUT THE FUCK UP

MAKE THEM SHUT THE FUCK UP

Potty mouth!  Not you - that's the toilet's brand name.

Bennett Brauer

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2019, 10:36:59 PM »
Is its opener still “Hello! It’s me! The toilet!”

Awful as fuck though that is, I was always able to amuse myself thinking about the poor sucker of an actor who had to go into a sound booth with that script.

"Hi! I'm Chuck Berry!"

Gurke and Hare

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #4 on: November 08, 2019, 12:15:04 AM »
Is its opener still “Hello! It’s me! The toilet!”

Awful as fuck though that is, I was always able to amuse myself thinking about the poor sucker of an actor who had to go into a sound booth with that script.

Didn't they not actually even pay an actor, but award the opportunity to voice the toilet as a prize in some shitty competition or something?

Rich Uncle Skeleton

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2019, 01:08:09 AM »
Yeah I think the winning shit was 8 kilos.

Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #6 on: November 08, 2019, 07:28:16 AM »
Holly and the Italians consider rewrite.

NJ Uncut

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2019, 07:32:08 AM »
What a load of bollocks

I'm into a human toilet, not a toilet that's human, eh, perverts?

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2019, 07:39:02 AM »
''Hello, welcome to The Toilet. Next you will need to decide what forms of waste you need or wish to expel.''

non capisco

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2019, 08:26:41 AM »
I'd only be into it if the toilet was voiced by Al Needham from Chart Music Podcast and it bellowed "EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY UP, YOU PLOP CRAZED YOUNGSTER!" at me.


Nowhere Man

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #11 on: November 08, 2019, 08:32:18 AM »
"EYYYYYYYYYYYYYY UP, KEN DODD HERE TO TELL YOU THAT ME AND MY DIDDY MEN ARE JUST TICKLED PINK ABOUT YOU USING VIRGIN TOILETS!"

Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #12 on: November 08, 2019, 08:33:10 AM »
Franchise ends at the end of the year

alan nagsworth

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #13 on: November 08, 2019, 08:40:13 AM »
Hello, I’m toilet. You shitting in my mouth. Please me. Mmnnnhggh

touchingcloth

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #14 on: November 08, 2019, 09:13:27 AM »
In spite of myself if I’d quite like it if they used the actor with the same over the top cherry voice, but instead of it saying anything at all when you entered it waited until it detected that you were in full flow and total my committed to a piss or shit before shouting OM NOM NOM

thenoise

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #15 on: November 08, 2019, 10:09:04 AM »
Hi I'm George Smelly

Smelly Clarkson

Brad Shit?

Urine Geller?

Perhaps we can persuade WEEphen Fry to do it, he'll do any old bollocks.

icehaven

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #16 on: November 08, 2019, 11:14:57 AM »
Hi I'm George Smelly

Smelly Clarkson

Brad Shit?

Urine Geller?

Perhaps we can persuade WEEphen Fry to do it, he'll do any old bollocks.

Jobbie Williams.

Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #17 on: November 08, 2019, 12:00:27 PM »
How can you shit on a train? Do you take all of your stuff in there with you?

alan nagsworth

  • astronaut cock and snoopy the fuck dog
Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #18 on: November 08, 2019, 12:00:54 PM »
HI THIS IS PRESIDENT DONALD DUMP AND I GOTTA SAY I WILL GRAB YOU BY THE PUSSY SO HARD IF YOU TRY TO FLUSH A TAMPON DOWN ME

NJ Uncut

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #19 on: November 08, 2019, 12:02:40 PM »
How can you shit on a train? Do you take all of your stuff in there with you?

Why would you? You this terrified of tea-leaves?

When I went up Edinburgh I left all my stuff where it was. Came back and nothin fucked with. Plus on a moving train where they gonna hide?

Blue Jam

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #20 on: November 08, 2019, 01:17:23 PM »
"GIVE IT TO ME CHANDLER, I WANT IT ALLLL..."

I believe Patrick Stewart did the voice of The Poo Emoji in The Emoji Movie so perhaps he could do the voice of a train toilet, though he might not appreciate the typecasting.

Blue Jam

  • AM NO A GRASS
Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #21 on: November 08, 2019, 01:19:43 PM »
Why would you? You this terrified of tea-leaves?

When I went up Edinburgh I left all my stuff where it was. Came back and nothin fucked with. Plus on a moving train where they gonna hide?

I am fucking glad Virgin lost the East Coast franchise and it got renationalised (again), not least because of those fucking talking toilets.

Whose hopes, dreams and goldfish have been flushed down the toilet now eh, Richard?

Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #22 on: November 08, 2019, 01:52:55 PM »
How can you shit on a train? Do you take all of your stuff in there with you?
play it safe steve decides to alight at crewe and book a travelodge for the night so he can have a poo enroute to rugby.

"Wouldn't want to put my backpack on the toilet floor!" he says. "Damp might seep through into my spare trollies, or worse yet, my provisions of tasty biscuits!", putting the bag safely on the chair by the travel kettle.

He goes into the bathroom and can only muster a fart. He weeps into the hand towel.

dr_christian_troy

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #23 on: November 08, 2019, 03:48:36 PM »
I'm only interested in a trip on Virgin train so I can hear a talking toilet say to me GO ON THEN SON, HAVE A BIG SHIT IN MY GAPING FUCKING MOUTH YOU CUNT in an accent

AllisonSays

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #24 on: November 08, 2019, 03:51:19 PM »
How can you shit on a train? Do you take all of your stuff in there with you?

What, all my ... pooing equipment?

Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #25 on: November 08, 2019, 08:02:15 PM »

Whose hopes, dreams and goldfish have been flushed down the toilet now eh, Richard?

made me laugh

Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #26 on: November 08, 2019, 08:03:09 PM »
Won't be his for much longer. Thank goodness.

grassbath

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #27 on: November 08, 2019, 08:04:50 PM »
It's there to deter you from having a wank.

Fambo Number Mive

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #28 on: November 08, 2019, 08:31:08 PM »
So what will happen to the carraiges with the talking toilets once Virgin loses the franchise? Will they be sold to the new franchise owner? If so I'm presuming there is a way to stop the toilets talking?

Perhaps there should be a horror film about a talking toilet on a train which comes alive and starts eating people.

Cerys

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Re: Richard Branson TELL YOUR TOILETS TO SHUT UP
« Reply #29 on: November 08, 2019, 08:35:27 PM »
Isn't it obvious that the Talkie ToiletTM was a deliberate ploy to stop people hogging the bogs?  Even the most 'titboid of shitters is dissuaded from spending more than a moment in the company of the mouthy cunts.  I say we applaud Branson.  Applaud him and his conversational cludgies.  Applaud!