CaB: The Movie.

[Glebe]

Inspired by the Absolutely pisspoor British films thread, just thinking, if anyone ever gets a Kickstarter together for the long-awaited CaB: The Movie, a sizable chuck of the budget should go towards getting Danny Dyer or summit to make a cameo.

[BlodwynPig]

Doomy Dwyer?

[Glebe]

Doomy Dwyer?

Heh oh yeah, actually Dyer will be pretty 'Doomy' himself when he gets the CaB-call!

[Ferris]

I'd need a producer credit and the largest trailer before I could consider this.

Have your people call my people.

[BlodwynPig]

I'd need a producer credit and the largest trailer before I could consider this.

Have your people call my people.

Just got the news that Mark Wahlberg has signed up to play you...as a drunken, absent father 100% on the forum.

[Ferris]

Just got the news that Mark Wahlberg has signed up to play you...as a drunken, absent father 100% on the forum.

It's the producers choice of course, but I'd probably be slightly cheaper.

[BlodwynPig]

It's the producers choice of course, but I'd probably be slightly cheaper.

You couldn't act for toffee. (see popcorn leaked vid).

"Hey mom, who is that character?"

"I think its supposed to be famous baseball stats-guy and auteur forum poster, Ferrishwheelbueller, but its nothing like him"

"Awww shucks, Marky Wahlberg was supposed to play him......this douchebag SUCKS EGGS, MOM!"

"Wash your mouth Eric!"

[wosl]

The Mad Fuckers was such a startling and unlikely success, as a sort of tribute to the memory of Tony Wilson we should be aiming to make this a Mad Fuckers II, in effect.

[EOLAN]

Joshua Malina can play me in a brief scene midway through. Slowly examining a whiskey glass in the background of the primary action. At one stage I might shout out a few curse words for no apparent reason.

[Dex Sawash]

Won't go see it due to this poster has been #CANCELLED

[BlodwynPig]

Joshua Malina can play me in a brief scene midway through. Slowly examining a whiskey glass in the background of the primary action. At one stage I might shout out a few curse words for no apparent reason.

Sad news, your cameo has been cut from the movie and replaced by a scene showing Paddy Considine stealing a torch from a Tescos.

[bgmnts]

Chris Farley is dead so sadly I will have to play myself.

[wosl]

Give Corden a bell.

[bgmnts]

Fuck off.

[NJ Uncut]

Denzel's Friend as New Jack Uncut

[Brundle-Fly]

Inspired by the Absolutely pisspoor British films thread, just thinking, if anyone ever gets a Kickstarter together for the long-awaited CaB: The Movie, a sizable chuck of the budget should go towards getting Danny Dyer or summit to make a cameo.

Looking at that old thread has made me realise St Eddie has not posted on CaB since July.  Hope he's alright.

[wosl]

Fuck off.

Understandable.  He's a busy chap these days.

[thecuriousorange]

I hope an acclaimed, photogenic, charismatic A-lister is cast to play me.

And they then get cancelled for taking the role , Scarlett Johansson-style, because I'm nothing like that.

[poo]

will you see knobs going in and out

[Small Man Big Horse]

Looking at that old thread has made me realise St Eddie has not posted on CaB since July.  Hope he's alright.

He's back in pog form / under a new name.

[Lost Oliver]

Happy to get my bum out for this.

[Better Midlands]

Doomy Dwyer?

It will be a movie in name only.

[NJ Uncut]

will you see knobs going in and out

Not in film, but in theatre?

I'd positively bank on it

[Replies From View]

I'm sure I won't be the first to tell you that I come with sufficient "box office pull" of my own to warrant playing myself in this movie.  Unlike everyone else who will need to be recast as recognisable Hollywood grotesques of myriad forms.

I will be the romantic lead of course, but I will demonstrate all the talents of the other proper Marx Brothers as well, don't worry.

In fact do we even need to bother including anyone but me in this?  It's an awful lot of paperwork for an immensely slim gain.

[Blue Jam]

Carry On Balding

[NJ Uncut]

Can I appear in the first act, only to storm off irritated, and reappear in act three claiming to be portraying a different character, only it isn't at all?

[BlodwynPig]

Fuck off.

Gervais is available, but has decided to play Paulie Walnuts instead

[BlodwynPig]

Pre-credits

Scene: A dingy nightclub bathroom

A young man is see entering a vacant toilet cubicle, the sound of mid-90s era dance music muffled by the heavy black door.

Young man (from beyond cubicle door) 'ngggghhhh NGGGHHHHH'

*splatter noises*

Young man : 'oh fuck, oh fucking hell'

Some minutes pass.

Young man waddles out of bathroom*

Hip man dressed in rave attire of the period enters bathroom and subsequently the cubicle

"OH FUCKKKKKKING CHRIST"

*camera zoom* *muffled music becomes sharp and focused, turning funky* *credits roll*

"CaB: The Movie"

Starring...

Danny Dyer as Doomy Dwyer

Rick Moranis as SmallManBigHorse

etc

[NJ Uncut]

Replies from View animatronic as per bloody usual

[dallasman]

This already sounds overcooked. Phase one complete.