First Class Worst Class

[The Boston Crab]

Doing a bit of travelling this week and decided to go FC because it's on the company dime and I gotta say, there is a real variance in what FC really means.

Virgin Trains are probably the best, free cookies which are more chocolate than biscuit, seriously good shit and looking forward to Virgin Training it back later in the week.

Midlands Trains though are completely shit. It's like a normal train for everyone else. Terrible waste of money. I been on this for an hour and no champoo or cookie or anything yet. I'm not even joking. I know this sounds like a wind up but there is NO COMPLIMENTARY CHAMPAGNE on this FC train. I actually got up and walked them length of the train to see whether I was in shit tier by accident but I nope. The regular seats are like bus station seats, those angled things so homeless guys can't sleep on them. Some Guantanamo shit. Only good thing is I literally got the place to myself.

Any suggestions what to do in this FC carriage? I can get away with p much anything if I draw the curtains.

This thread will expire in 40 mins tops. Never goin FC again in my life.

[Icehaven]

Demand a copy of The Times and then complain that it hasn't been ironed.

[thecuriousorange]

Enjoy breathing pleb-free air.

[The Boston Crab]

Demand a copy of The Times and then complain that it hasn't been ironed.

"No papers in the evening, sorry."

!!!

Enjoy breathing pleb-free air.

Air is p decent tbf.

I can't believe no one even come through to say 'good evening, have a pleasant journey, if you need anything press the buzzer'.

There isn't even a BUZZER!!

[Icehaven]

Enjoy breathing pleb-free air.

A few years ago I was going from Birmingham to Coventry on an absolutely rammed train that was heading to London, and the guard was letting people who were only going to Cov or Birmingham International sit in First Class for their 15-20 minute journey just to alleviate the overcrowding. The looks on the faces of the legitimate First Classers was priceless, because of course pleblessness really is partly what they feel they've paid for, and they weren't at all happy. Dunno why the guard was being so nice, must have been his last day or something, I've been threatened with a fine just for standing in the bit in between First Class carriages before.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Ask to be let into the drivers cabin so you can watch them drive the choo choo. Or just do a big wank everywhere.

[Cuellar]

I awlays sit in FC when it's busy and FC is empty - of course I do, what are they gonna do? Say 'You can't sit there you've got a normal ticket'? Yes, and then I'll move, but up until then? I'll sit there. Sheep idiots that don't do this.

[The Boston Crab]

Two more people come in and they look like total cunts, not being rude but they look like they vote LD or Tory. One guy is talking on the phone, that's not what I'm paid for so I turned up them volume on the Switch and unplugged my headphones. I'm playing Psyvariar Delta and it's going LEVEL UPPPPP LEVEL UPPPPP LEVEL UPPPPP about every two or three seconds.



Cue-dog, I have a lot of respect for that, unless it's on Midland Trains in the which case your wasting time, might as well sit on the bog for the duration.

[imitationleather]

I got first class on the LNER last year. It's pretty good and I would travel that way all the time if I was a fucking boomer with crypto to vape. Couldn't help but think all the regular first class people were looking at me and wondering what the fuck I was doing there, though.

[The Boston Crab]

 Yourself money is as good as theirs. You deserve space and clean air and free champoo as well much as any of those fat cat cunts.

Two guys just got on and sat behind me, I'm playing Psyvariar Delta and they starts commenting in whatever language they were speaking. I wanna say Russian but more like whatever is below Polish. Anyway, they went ooohhh when I died and I turned round and gave them a grin. You wouldn't fucking believe it. They were wearing high viz jackets! Think they must be train track polishers or whatever. Anyway, they got off at the next stop and said good luck man. Sound guys, nicest bit of the journey so far and obviously a shame that it's likely to cost them their jobs.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Anyone travelling first class should be either told to fuck off or put on a carriage which is like a giant maggot infested tomb filled with shit, but in a negative way.

Srsly tho we shouldn't have different class of travel, carriages should be divided into those travelling short distance and those travelling longer distance.

[The Boston Crab]

That's a really good idea actually.

Gotta say the shine had well and truly come off this goddamn can. I didn't know they made cans of shit to this precise volume.

[sponk]

I awlays sit in FC when it's busy and FC is empty - of course I do, what are they gonna do? Say 'You can't sit there you've got a normal ticket'? Yes, and then I'll move, but up until then? I'll sit there. Sheep idiots that don't do this.

You can get fined for that

[The Boston Crab]

Just can't wait to get in my damn hotel suite now and get the Switch hooked up to the telly, order a bottle of Meursault on room service and get absolutely plastered.


What does anyone else do in a hotel room on your bill?

[bgmnts]

Has anyone been in first class with their rough gear on? Would love to lounge about in my joggers and t shirt. Having 5hem look at me with their eyes and tutting.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

A few years ago I was going from Birmingham to Coventry on an absolutely rammed train that was heading to London, and the guard was letting people who were only going to Cov or Birmingham International sit in First Class for their 15-20 minute journey just to alleviate the overcrowding. The looks on the faces of the legitimate First Classers was priceless, because of course pleblessness really is partly what they feel they've paid for, and they weren't at all happy. Dunno why the guard was being so nice, must have been his last day or something, I've been threatened with a fine just for standing in the bit in between First Class carriages before.

Yeah I've had the same it's ridiculous.

Also had the horrified looks from first class passengers when a few of us (not together) got the train home the morning after Reading festival with my camping gear. First class was only two quid more, who the hell's going to say no to that? Like Crab said above, our money's as good as theirs.

[Goldentony]

I was getting the train on Victoria - Littlehampton once and the first class bit of the train was a regular bit of the train but with a door so using it would be more or less like when Moe goes behind the bulletproof glass in The Simpsons

[Norton Canes]

Put all the children in their own carriage amirite

[Goldentony]

Put YOU in a carriage

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Put all the children in their own carriage amirite

OK Azuma

[BlodwynPig]

A few years ago I was going from Birmingham to Coventry on an absolutely rammed train that was heading to London, and the guard was letting people who were only going to Cov or Birmingham International sit in First Class for their 15-20 minute journey just to alleviate the overcrowding. The looks on the faces of the legitimate First Classers was priceless, because of course pleblessness really is partly what they feel they've paid for, and they weren't at all happy. Dunno why the guard was being so nice, must have been his last day or something, I've been threatened with a fine just for standing in the bit in between First Class carriages before.

Ha, fuck that...if the train is rammed I just sit in First Class, 80% success rate, the rest of the time 'sorry, I'm medically blind and was feeling dizzy...I'll move to another carriage once I've stopped having my heart attack'..."No worries, you just stay there, its not very busy today"

[BlodwynPig]

You can get fined for that

You can, but you have to know how to play the SHITTY system.

I wouldn't have dared on the old British Rail trains as they were proper Orient Express luxury compared to now. Even the Virgin ones are bland and uninteresting. The times I have taken 1st class and paid, all I got was some water and 'sorry no more choccies today'.

You can go Newcastle-London Return FC for .... a grand!!!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

You can get fined for that

Careful

Fine there

Fine of monies that

Careful

[BlodwynPig]

Careful

Fine there

Fine of monies that

Careful

such a lickspittle toady Sponk.

Britain goes down the shitter.

"don't step on the grass, sonny"

Actually I ended up with one foot on the grass at Windsor and realised my error and stepped off. A few seconds later a lady police officer barked "GET OFF THE GRASS"

"YES MA'AM" I quivered back.

I write this from my prison cell deep in the tower. I hope this communication receives you all in good health and fine spirits.

Tomorrow, Boris is set to visit for his weekly kick the peasant scum session.

[pigamus]

I only ever went first class once, London to Bristol in about 2001, after they fucked up my ticket reservation and then bumped me up. It was marvellous. If I were ever a rich cunt that's what I'd spend it on.

[sponk]

Careful

Fine there

Fine of monies that

Careful

Might be a joke to you but it can be a fine of hundreds of £ which could leave a normal person desolate and turning to loan sharks and prostitution.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Might be a joke to you but it can be a fine of hundreds of £ which could leave a normal person desolate and turning to loan sharks and prostitution.

Everyone loves a nosh

[Cuellar]

You can get fined for that

ok boomer

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

I only ever went first class once, London to Bristol in about 2001, after they fucked up my ticket reservation and then bumped me up. It was marvellous. If I were ever a rich cunt that's what I'd spend it on.

Used to be able to pay an extra fiver or something measly to upgrade to first class on that train. Never paid for it and nowadays it's priced based on how far your journey is so £20-25 extra from Bath/Bristol. No point. Got in for free when it was overcrowded and first class on those new Hitachis is dead comfy..

[thenoise]

Fucking hell, when did you lot get so rich. I thought you all did admin temping and scrolled through CAB all day like I do.

I don't even buy first class stamps.