Topic: Posho Convos

[The Boston Crab]

"This summer me and the wife looked after two children who came from Chernobyl for the week."


"The thing about Thai food is you have fats, sweet, salty, sour, citrus, aromatics, chilli, carbohydrates and crunchy vegetables. It gives the palate a total workout?"


"The Chinese eat with their hands, it's cultural, it shows respect."

[bgmnts]

I don't understand the last one at all.

[The Boston Crab]

Just listening to these droning ignorant fucks and quoting verbatim.

[bgmnts]

But the Chinese use chopsticks to the best of my knowledge and eating with one's hands doesn't show respect.


Shoot their genitals off.

[idunnosomename]

"dildos are better when they're ceramic"

"haha no you fill them with warm water"

"much better for the planet, and your fadge"

[weekender]

You two must be in Birmingham, city of culture.

[Sin Agog]

"This summer me and the wife looked after two children who came from Chernobyl for the week."

The wife and I.  I suspect this person is a binman with delusions of grandeur.

[Twit 2]

Go to the Aldeburgh festival: best posh cunt watching around. Packed to the hilt with dayglo-trousered blitheringly-privileged twits, who speak in a steady patter of clueless cuntery. I sit preconcert and watch the sunset on the nature reserve, aghast; then sit next to some white-haired philistine death-case, snoring his way through cluster chords like it’s Mantovani.

[Johnny Yesno]

I sit preconcert and watch the sunset on the nature reserve, aghast

Surely you must know by now that the sun will be back in the morning.

[touchingcloth]

“We’ll pay. No, put your money away. We’re paying! No. Nooo! Tell him, Stasia! We’re paying, you paid last time so we’ve got this one. We insist, put your money away, it’s our pleasure. Ok, you can sort the tip yes that’s ok. Anyway, we really must do this more often! It’s been ages since the last time, so lovely to see you both, give our love to your parents.”

Probably think they’re splitting the tab at Om Nom by Heston, don’t you, prole? But no: child sex slave party.

[Paul Calf]

"Sort out the tip", eh?

[flotemysost]

As much as I hate that 'Overheard in Waitrose' Facebook page, I do sometimes overhear stuff around London which seems to be direct from the pen of its contributors - e.g. young boy (probably about 8 years old) mooching behind his Mum in South Kensington: 'But Mummy, we've already had carbonara this week!'

I also sometimes get copied into work email chains which, if I scroll down, I can see started off as a plummy exchange between some literary agent/author and frequently go along the lines of 'Marvellous time at the castle, as always! Anyway just thought I'd drop you a line as Araminta has noticed a couple of booboos on the website, please could you do the needful? Much love to Jonathan et al xx'

This then gets passed between various editors and finally onto me with a vague request to 'please fix this asap', as if I'm either part of their world and know what on earth they're on about, or telepathic.

[Jockice]

My usual mention of the Guardian offices.

[popcorn]

Used to marvel at the conversations you'd overhear in Cambridge cafes. I remember a young man telling his girlfriend: "They do nice sandwiches here. Shall I order one for you? Shall I? It's just you get hungry, don't you, darling? You do get hungry. I'll order a sandwich for you."

[H-O-W-L]

Heard someone reach full bellow about the lack of fully organic brie in a Sainsbury's once.

[Doomy Dwyer]

I was a party to a posho convo that was so staggeringly generic and lacking any content that the participants may as well have been attempting to communicate by rubbing their back legs together like grasshoppers. After asking me the way to Soho these two fucking strong jawline twats in rugby shirts brayed "Great! Lets go and have some craft ale!" and then this hitherto unseen horse faced scarf whore stepped between like some cunt from the popular with wankers sitcom Friends and added "And I can have a prosecco!" Then they giggled off like bubbles.

Naturally, gave them the wrong directions. Which was stupid of me, really.

[sick as a pike]

"Oh darling, we've left the Quinoa in Provence."