Author Topic: Talking to judges  (Read 799 times)

Talking to judges
« on: November 14, 2019, 07:23:02 PM »
im watching Poirot and theres a bit here with a woman in the nick going to a judge

NO YOU GOT IT WRONG MATE I DIDNT DO FUCK ALL

and the judge does th standard TV judge thing of going

DO NOT TALK TO ME AT ALL YOU FUCKING THIEF (I don't think thats it, Poirot doesnt investigate shoplifters) (with funding cuts now? I should coco)

and I got to wondering - this hapens all the time in TV and films. Judge obviously gets it wrong or fucks it somehow and then demands no cunt look at him while dry bumming Isabella Rossellini while addressing everyone and then naffsoff into his little suitcase like Nookie Bear or Lee Scratch Perry.

Seriously for a second, are you allowed to not just go EXCUSE ME THE JUDGE MATE THATS A LOAD OF SHIT THAT SQUIRE or anything? Why are judges so mysterious? Can any law experts please help

Twed

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #1 on: November 14, 2019, 07:28:19 PM »

touchingcloth

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2019, 07:30:16 PM »
I’m a law expert, and the only time you’re allowed to speak with a judge is if a police has told you to save it for them.

Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2019, 07:34:15 PM »
is that before or after 'mid terms'

gib

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2019, 07:39:56 PM »
Lee Perry talks to the judge in Prince Buster's Judge Dread.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zc4F7mYFw24

edit: and is told to "hush up!"

touchingcloth

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #5 on: November 14, 2019, 07:41:41 PM »
is that before or after 'mid terms'

It is, yes.

Flatulent Fox

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2019, 08:27:52 PM »
Look sober
Stand up when you talk to them.
Tell the truth.
Call them 'Your Honor'

Them Judges are like the school headmaster,but for adults.






JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2019, 02:16:47 PM »
"On the night in question I was as drunk as a judge."

Judge: "I think you mean as drunk as a lord."

"Yes m'lord".

Cuellar

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2019, 02:23:46 PM »
I have never spoken to a judge

KNOWINGLY

Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2019, 02:52:47 PM »
Radio 1 stated in the '90s that "the Judge will not budge", something that proved not to be true when I got a fiver knocked off of a garden shredder I bought from a retired judge on Gumtree.

pancreas

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2019, 03:18:36 PM »
I have spoken to Brian Leveson. I was at one of these Oxford parties where you get people like Brian Leveson and Hugh Grant at the same party and they're not allowed to speak to one another because there's an inquiry being run by the former in which the latter has a major involvement. At this party I was introduced to Hugh Grant by Derek Hatton.

Anyway, the cunt gave me five years.

Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2019, 04:05:47 PM »
I've only ever seen Judge Judy and you DON'T talk back to her or she'll flay you alive.

Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2019, 04:25:04 PM »
If you kick a judge in the bollocks and he's not in a courtroom then he can't do a thing, not even if he's wigged up.

dr_christian_troy

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2019, 05:01:38 PM »
I've only ever seen Judge Judy and you DON'T talk back to her or she'll flay you alive.

Same for Robert McKee.

Alberon

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2019, 05:40:20 PM »

alan nagsworth

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #15 on: November 15, 2019, 05:57:09 PM »
I like judges, but I couldn’t speak to a whole one!

alan nagsworth

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #16 on: November 15, 2019, 05:58:53 PM »
I’m a law expert, and the only time you’re allowed to speak with a judge is if a police has told you to save it for them.

Ah yeah just like the song:

Don’t save it for the sergeant
Don’t save it for plaintiff
Don’t save it for the court guard
Save it for the judgey

Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #17 on: November 15, 2019, 09:12:13 PM »
You think you look normal, your honour?

Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #18 on: November 15, 2019, 09:55:22 PM »
How would you know you were talking to a judge if they weren't actively judging at the time? When they go out of the courtroom they take off the wig and cape and they look just like you and me. You could be sitting next to a judge right now chatting away about coffee filters or Shostakovich or the year 1742 and you wouldn't know it.

Cuellar

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #19 on: November 15, 2019, 10:02:20 PM »
They should have to wear badges, so you can identify them at all times. It's disgusting.

Jockice

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2019, 01:21:26 PM »
A judge used to go swimming at the same time as me in the place I went to in the 90s. He'd tell everyone in the changing rooms about his latest trip up to Scotland to shoot birds.  The twat. He had an absolutely tiny dick, and I'm speaking here as someone who is the very definition of 'nothing to write home about.' So now you know.

Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2019, 02:02:27 PM »
Did he wear his wig in the pool or did he put a swimming cap over it

Jockice

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2019, 02:20:38 PM »
Did he wear his wig in the pool or did he put a swimming cap over it

Sadly no wig. He was a bit of a baldie though, so would fit in fine here.

Actually, come to think of it, there were two judges who used that place. One of them seemed like quite a nice chap though. And he knew my dad (who was a probation officer not a criminal before you ask). I should have borrowed his wig off him. But who am I to judge?

Blue Jam

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #23 on: November 16, 2019, 04:53:10 PM »
'"Ooooh, I'm the foreman, only I get to talk to the judge..." Fuck you.'

Incidentally I've just been called up for jury service again and having wriggled out of it twice before I'm just going to have to do it this time. I'm going to prepare by watching that episode of Peep Show ten times. I won't shag the defendant though.

Blue Jam

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #24 on: November 16, 2019, 04:56:29 PM »
But who am I to judge?

No-one, you never had the Latin.

Blue Jam

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #25 on: November 16, 2019, 04:57:20 PM »
Sorry- here, have a Judge's Bun.

Endicott

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Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #26 on: November 16, 2019, 05:16:34 PM »
A judge used to go swimming at the same time as me in the place I went to in the 90s. He'd tell everyone in the changing rooms about his latest trip up to Scotland to shoot birds.  The twat. He had an absolutely tiny dick, and I'm speaking here as someone who is the very definition of 'nothing to write home about.' So now you know.


Re: Talking to judges
« Reply #27 on: November 18, 2019, 07:28:08 AM »
I was once talking to a judge about the severity of certain custodial punishments and he said in the flow of conversation "you be the judge", and that was what I was waiting for so when he went for a shit I stole his wig and robes and became the judge, took his identity, when he protested I said mate you said I should be the judge and he didn't have a leg to stand on. He dejectedly trudged home only to be greeted with the sight of me coming the hardest I've ever come into his willing wife, kids stood around applauding. And he knew he'd said you be the judge and I had simply obeyed him. The kids said we don't love you we love him, he is the new judge. And his wife just moaned and held me tighter. I was the judge that day. I am the judge