Something I found funny and want to share

[Buelligan]

Just wanted to let you know, I was just working away this afternoon in someone's house, cleaning it. 

He was there and he was doing some fiddling or adjustment with his toilet flush.  This meant that the whole afternoon, he was sitting, in different positions on the toilet, sometimes backwards, sometimes lying back with his arms behind him, with the door open, grunting and flushing and then swearing angrily and then remonstrating in a defeated trembling voice and then starting again.  It went on for several hours.  Once or twice I actually started sniggering but then remembered myself and got on with my serious work. 

I know it's not worth a thread but I wanted to share it because it made me very happy and hopefully it will make you have a tiny smile.

[bgmnts]

Did he fix the bog in the end?

[Blumf]

Just wanted to let you know, I was just working away this afternoon in someone's house, cleaning it...

[Butchers Blind]

What kind of flush system was he using - Gravity Flush, Pressure-Assisted, Dual Flush etc?  Push button or pull handle?

[NoSleep]

Grunting... mostly.

[Norton Canes]

Busted

[Buelligan]

Heheh, yep.  No, it was some kind of fancy push-button deal that looks like a wenge monolith but inside it's just Christmas cracker plastic.

I think it was funnier, to me anyway, because it was in French. 

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Oh mon dieu, cette toilette est une bâtarde.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Not really all that funny, to be honest.

3/10, would not recommend.

[madhair60]

Oh mon dieu, cette toilette est une bâtarde.

zut alors mon shitter won't shift le shit

[The Boston Crab]

My favourite kind of thread. Total brain winnet.

[Replies From View]

If it was one of those 'shelf' toilets where the flush is a kind of water fountain dribble then of course it was absolutely rubbish from the get-go.

What he needed to do was buy a toilet that wasn't a rubbish French toilet, or failing that, waste his money on one of those but then immediately replace it.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

My favourite kind of thread. Total brain winnet.

Un Klingon sur le cerveau

[Dex Sawash]

Daughter sent me this image (she got portrait image gene from her mother) last week.

Craque de plumbier is fucking fabulous.

[Cerys]

Are you sure he wasn't just trying to turn it into a toilet-bidet combination?

[Psmith]

This is just a sneaky way of starting another poo and wee thread :)

[Fonz]

I thought the French shat in a hole in the floor

[mojo filters]

When my Dad was still alive, in later years he engaged me in multiple tutorials to fix the flush on the ancient and dodgy toilet he installed in the house I grew up in, when I was back home.

Unfortunately my father did not share my enthusiasm for profane, coarse and broad linguistic vernacular expression.

Apparently that language should be reserved for genuinely serious situations, examples of which were NATO exercises and Korean foxholes (though I was tempted to say Larry Gelbart never permitted such on M*A*S*H.)

I quickly realised my required participation was related to the arthritis that crept up on him, which prevented him from wielding a screwdriver with the careful precision needed. His austere instructions revolved around careful, tiny turns of the little screw hidden away in the cistern.

It was a sad end to the life of an ex-infantry Queen's commissioned officer, who built us a garage with no regard to planning regulations, then with an absurd degree of generosity happily built garages for our neighbours on either side, with no regard for expectations of reward or gratitude.

As he quickly deteriorated with terminal cancer, I kept thinking I should value his precious last lucid moments - to compile a comprehensive collection of instructions as to how to go about making all the fixes to all the flawed fixtures that resulted from his DIY endeavours.

It was a nominally sensible notion. Unfortunately I never followed through on that impulse.

My father grew up during WW2, which combined with experience from his father's trade as a builder, manifested itself in a proclivity to DIY literally everything - from building the various fitted kitchens (from scratch) demanded by my mother over the years, weird cheap double glazing techniques, to doing all the electrics (little regard for what I later learned of laws, regulations etc) and all the plumbing, both inside and out.

When my retired parents got Sky, he took offense when the installer insisted they install the dish, and refused any discount regarding a used dish he'd acquired when fixing the roof of another neighbour.

I live a transitory life, whereby any problems with the toilet are fixed by the property/home owner. I sincerely regret not acquiring the requisite skillset to confidently grab a screwdriver and confidently make what I assume is an easy repair.

To be fair, in hindsight the toilet fix seemed simple compared with the complex business of dealing with troublesome taps. I know the latter are expensive items, yet I always felt bamboozled when Dad's arthritis required me to fix our ancient fixtures.

At a guess I think I could do a simple washer replacement. However I'd attempt such with severe trepidation, as when back home and required to "assist" with such - most jobs seemed to require a near-total disassembly of the valuable item in question. Putting the damn things back together seemed harder than submitting copy on a hard deadline, on subject matter I could care less about.

If I felt obliged to attempt such fixes and repairs now, I suspect I'd be reduced to swearing angrily, remonstrating in anticipation of defeat, and assuming various strange prostrate positions with a trembling voice.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Didn't find it funny till you mentioned it was happening in French for some reason

British man grunting and swearing at a broken toilet sounds like a man in his element, a penguin in the water, gliding, pirrouetting, happy

French man baffled by plumbing, the tang of ammonia poking at his delicate nostrils, pathos, anguish, confusion, hillarious

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I thought the French shat in a hole in the floor

Sorry

You can emerge from underneath now

[Neville Chamberlain]

We always think of the French as a romantic, learned, cultured, philosophical people - but sometimes the French, too, need to just repair the shitter. I'm sure Voltaire - in between writing grand existential treatises - sometimes had to deal with a particularly stubborn floater.

[Cerys]

I once fixed the flushing mechanism on a toilet using only a piece of green wire coat hanger.  I'd like to thank this thread and the contributors thereto for bringing back this memory of my youth.

[Brian Freeze]

Great post mojo filters, I enjoyed reading that.

[madhair60]

did a poo come out of his bum bum?

a big smelly brown poo? lol

did it come out of his doing-a-poo poo bum from his pooey bum hole?? urrrgh lol

[Jerzy Bondov]

did a poo come out of his bum bum?

a big smelly brown poo? lol

did it come out of his doing-a-poo poo bum from his pooey bum hole?? urrrgh lol

Profane, but also profound. Quite remarkable stuff.

[Neville Chamberlain]

did a poo come out of his bum bum?

a big smelly brown poo? lol

did it come out of his doing-a-poo poo bum from his pooey bum hole?? urrrgh lol

French people don't poo.

[Ray Travez]

I used to be a cleaner in an old people's home. One thing I found amusing- there was a woman in there who would lie in bed singing one particular song, unfeasibly loud. I thought it was great.

"HELLO! HELLO! WHO'S YOUR LADY FRIEND? WHO'S THE LITTLE GIRLY BY YOUR SIDE?"

Something quite parrot-like about the delivery, but sung with absolute gusto.

"I'VE SEEN YOU, WITH A GIRL OR TWO. OH OH OH I AM SURPRISED AT YOU!"

It would be sad I suppose except she was full of life. It didn't seem sad, unlike a lot of things in there.

"HELLO! HELLO! WHAT'S YOUR LITTLE GAME!?"

Sometimes she'd repeat this line for a bit. I loved the accusatory tone she got into it.

[The Boston Crab]

RIP HS ART

[Buelligan]

I used to be a cleaner in an old people's home. One thing I found amusing- there was a woman in there who would lie in bed singing one particular song, unfeasibly loud. I thought it was great.

"HELLO! HELLO! WHO'S YOUR LADY FRIEND? WHO'S THE LITTLE GIRLY BY YOUR SIDE?"

Something quite parrot-like about the delivery, but sung with absolute gusto.

"I'VE SEEN YOU, WITH A GIRL OR TWO. OH OH OH I AM SURPRISED AT YOU!"

It would be sad I suppose except she was full of life. It didn't seem sad, unlike a lot of things in there.

"HELLO! HELLO! WHAT'S YOUR LITTLE GAME!?"

Sometimes she'd repeat this line for a bit. I loved the accusatory tone she got into it.

You made me search for it and I found it. 

[Cerys]

I used to be a cleaner in an old people's home. One thing I found amusing- there was a woman in there who would lie in bed singing one particular song, unfeasibly loud. I thought it was great.

"HELLO! HELLO! WHO'S YOUR LADY FRIEND?

Was this in Oswestry, by some bizarre chance?