A difficult post.

[Black Ship]

As some of you, who read my Facebook statuses probably already know, yesterday I went through a very traumatic event.

My mother got drunk, we got into an argument which resulted in her physically assaulting me. My neighbour got involved, the police were called and she was arrested. I gave a statement, but decided against prosecution. 

This time.

She was returned home around midnight last night, stating that everything surrounding the incident is a blank to her. I don't know whether to believe her or not. I contacted a social Services and they put me in contact with a substance abuse service. But, she's refused help in the past.

I've offered her an ultimatum. She so much as touches me again, I'll have her prosecuted and/or sectioned.

I'm so fucking tired right now. I went to work and they sent me home because they didn't think I was in a fit state to work today. Can't blame them I'm exhausted.

[BlodwynPig]

Much strength to you BS. Its unimaginable and I am of no use. I think your ultimatum is reasonable and I hope she is able to find some fortitude to right herself, but if it seems like it will flair up again, just walk away before escalation, if possible.

[Buelligan]

I'm really sorry to hear of your awful experience, Black Ship.  Don't want to be weird or ask difficult questions but when I was reading it, I had the strongest sensation of deja vu.  I haven't checked but I'm sure you had a similar thing, I think she had an accident that time from memory, not that long ago.

If you want my advice and as you know I know nothing about your life, so I'm hardly qualified to give it, I think you might be wise to start taking action, rather than giving even more second chances.  You have a life to live too and you need to move forward with it rather than letting someone clearly out of control do the steering for you.  I hope you can forgive my bluntness, the thread on victim blaming has roused some strong memories.

Whatever you decide I wish you peace and happiness.

[Cerys]

Yeah, action of some kind is a good idea.  Either her claims of 'a blackout' are false, in which case she's attempting to avoid responsibility, or else they're true.  If they're true then there is no guarantee that it won't happen again.  My suggestion would be that you get her to see a doctor - but that you make sure to have someone else with you when you bring up the subject, in case she gets violent as a result.

[Default to the negative]

I hope I don't come across a cunt (because I genuinely don't want Badmin to ban me again) but I have had a similiar situation. I wrote about it here: https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=51710.0

What my mum says, and what everyone else says, is that if I don't like it I can move out.

And yeah, I can. But things can be so alarming that you might feel impelled to stay, because who knows what might happen if you were not there as the moderating influence?

[checkoutgirl]

if I don't like it I can move out

It's tricky when you live with someone. If I was in that situation I'd do everything in my power to get my own place to remove that barrier to resolving the situation of having my life fucked with. Then it's up to the violent alcoholic to sort themselves out, or not. If you don't live with them suddenly it's not your problem. If someone refuses to see a problem of get help then they'd be on their own as far as I'm concerned.

[Default to the negative]

If someone refuses to see a problem of get help then they'd be on their own as far as I'm concerned.

It's not 'someone' when it's your mother.

[littlefoot]

It's not 'someone' when it's your mother.

This is true. It's obviously very difficult to comment on a fraction of an insight, but progression from an undesirable situation to a tolerable one rarely occurs by keeping quiet and saying 'next time I'd do it differently'. I appreciate how simplistic that is. You are the one with perspective on the appropriate actions in your situation, but do make sure to take care of yourself as well. It's about you as much as it is your mum, because you're affected.

[Default to the negative]

It's about you as much as it is your mum, because you're affected.

It isn't really because - and I'm sorry if this is patronising to old people - they are obviously losing their faculties over time. There's this weird situation where you have to be the 'adult' in the room.

[checkoutgirl]

It's not 'someone' when it's your mother.

Hmmm. It sort of is. If they won't get help, how long before you cut your losses? I just gave my perspective if I was in that position. You cut your own cloth.

[Default to the negative]

Hmmm. It sort of is. If they won't get help, how long before you cut your losses? I just gave my perspective if I was in that position. You cut your own cloth.

I remember you saying you wouldn't dare to backtalk your parents.

[Glebe]

Sorry you're going through all this Black Ship. Hope things calm down and get sorted.

[H-O-W-L]

As someone with substance abuse issues both past and present: Please do not let yourself go into danger for the sakes of your mum. Yes, she may have issues, and yes, she may need to be helped, but ultimately that is not your personal cross to bear. If she refuses to accept professional help and continues to be dangerous to others around her while sozzled out of her bonce then she definitely needs to be kept away from people until she can clean her act up.

I've met far too many people with substance issues who seem to think that their own issues are other people's problems. They aren't. You have to get the help yourself. All the support networks in the world can't make your own legs move.

[Piggyoioi]

distance yourself (if you can) and most importantly take care of yourself. perhaps do some armchair diagnosis and figure out if she has BPD or something. sometimes the best way to help toxic people is to show you have clear boundaries, if they're drunk like, you need to show them with action rather than words.