Author Topic: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!  (Read 1353 times)

No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« on: November 28, 2019, 11:25:06 AM »
I'm having a vasectomy BY LAZER this afternoon. Everything's been shaved and I am essing myself. I do get tomorrow off work though.

Please assure me the lazer won't slip and I'll have to wee sitting down for the rest of my life and watch sadly whilst my wife gets pleasured by a stranger we meet on Craigslist when the admin people aren't looking.


imitationleather

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Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2019, 11:27:27 AM »
I hope you've got a few pints of SteveDave preserved in the freezer. Never know when you might need it.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2019, 11:30:47 AM »
I hope you've got a few pints of SteveDave preserved in the freezer. Never know when you might need it.

I thought about this but I haven't. I've got a son though so I'll just have to double my efforts to keep him alive.

There's also the chances that my sperm are too powerful and it won't take.

Blumf

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Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #3 on: November 28, 2019, 11:31:39 AM »
So, do they fire the laser down your japs-eye?

The doctor better make 'pew-pew' noises.

Thomas

  • well they do all sixteen dances.
Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2019, 11:32:27 AM »
I've heard about this technique. They shine a laser pen and a cat chases it and tears your scrotum up.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2019, 12:15:07 PM »
When I called a baker 'a total vasect' last week I must admit I hadn't thought of the sensitivities of the procedure to individuals who have undergone it or are going to. I sincerely apologise for the crass remark and any hurt it caused to you or any other trenchant vasects out there.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #6 on: November 28, 2019, 12:18:09 PM »
I considered live streaming it but I'm not allowed to take my mobile telephone in with me. Just a copy of Mojo to keep my mind off what's happening down below.

I'm keen to see how they keep my old chap out of the way as, due to gravity, 9 times out of 10 it falls over where my balls are. So many questions for the doctor this afternoon.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #7 on: November 28, 2019, 12:58:45 PM »
Don't worry, they just staple it to your inner thigh.

Default to the negative

  • outspoken diva
Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #8 on: November 28, 2019, 01:14:49 PM »
Report back and tell us what it's like to cum nothing. I bet it's EQUALLY  AS SATISFYING, as all the neutered men say.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #9 on: November 28, 2019, 01:18:37 PM »
I have wanted one for years but not allowed yet I dont think. Let us know how it goes!

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #10 on: November 28, 2019, 01:22:54 PM »
Report back and tell us what it's like to cum nothing. I bet it's EQUALLY  AS SATISFYING, as all the neutered men say.

The literature I was given said the first "few" ejaculations will contain blood. I can not wait.

Jerzy Bondov

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Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2019, 01:29:40 PM »
what if you get a lob on

Default to the negative

  • outspoken diva
Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #12 on: November 28, 2019, 01:32:14 PM »
The literature I was given said the first "few" ejaculations will contain blood. I can not wait.

Went for a vasectomy - came back as a cenobite with my own ironic gimmick.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #13 on: November 28, 2019, 01:34:57 PM »
Everything's been shaved

4 real, respect.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #14 on: November 28, 2019, 01:39:37 PM »
The literature I was given said the first "few" ejaculations will contain blood. I can not wait.
I had a prostate biopsy which had very similar results.Even though you know what's likely to happen, it is still startling.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #15 on: November 28, 2019, 01:41:54 PM »
I'm keen to see how they keep my old chap out of the way as, due to gravity, 9 times out of 10 it falls over where my balls are. So many questions for the doctor this afternoon.

You've elected to have this done, out of choice, off your own back, by your own agency, a decision made by you, using your own initiative, of your own accord, by your own free will.

Mad.

Who would choose to have their knob flapping about while a surgeon interferes with you with a lazer? And not even get paid for it?

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #16 on: November 28, 2019, 01:43:43 PM »
You've elected to have this done, out of choice, off your own back, by your own agency, a decision made by you, using your own initiative, of your own accord, by your own free will.

Mad.

Who would choose to have their knob flapping about while a surgeon interferes with you with a lazer? And not even get paid for it?

I want to go back to raw dogging my wife without the threat of producing another hell-spawn child.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #17 on: November 28, 2019, 01:44:27 PM »
what if you get a lob on

The doctor will have somewhere to put his tools when he's not using them.

Cardenio I

  • Hasta la muerte, todo es vida
Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #18 on: November 28, 2019, 01:50:20 PM »
I could never let 'em do it, me. Chop me tit off? It ain't natural, and it ain't right.

Default to the negative

  • outspoken diva
Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #19 on: November 28, 2019, 01:51:22 PM »
Who would choose to have their knob flapping about while a surgeon interferes with you with a lazer? And not even get paid for it?

He's just doing it to be 'fashionable'. He'll score some points with the feminists, and orbit them a little more closely from now on.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #20 on: November 28, 2019, 04:47:16 PM »
I considered live streaming it but I'm not allowed to take my mobile telephone in with me. Just a copy of Mojo to keep my mind off what's happening down below.

Yep, best thing to take your mind off your vasectomy is a magazine full of articles about redundant, hairy old knobs that haven’t released anything worthwhile in years.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #21 on: November 28, 2019, 06:50:10 PM »
Well it turns out today was just a consultation and I’ve not been done.

The doctor drew quite a detailed picture of what he’s going to do to me in January though. One small hole and then he’ll pull both spunk pipes (my words) through it, snip snip, cauterise them, pop them back in and then cauterise the hole he got them out of. Bish bosh.


Bennett Brauer

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Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #22 on: November 28, 2019, 07:05:05 PM »
Are they any closer to catching the guy who shaved you?

Default to the negative

  • outspoken diva
Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #23 on: November 28, 2019, 07:07:18 PM »
Well it turns out today was just a consultation and I’ve not been done.

The doctor drew quite a detailed picture of what he’s going to do to me in January though. One small hole and then he’ll pull both spunk pipes (my words) through it, snip snip, cauterise them, pop them back in and then cauterise the hole he got them out of. Bish bosh.

Hang on one steving and daving minute. You haven't told us what brought you to this grim decision.

What was it. What warped your mind and made you think: 'Yes, I want a mad scientist to make a playgroud of my scrotum!'

Did your wife tell you to do it?

shiftwork2

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Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #24 on: November 28, 2019, 07:11:36 PM »
The doctor drew quite a detailed picture of what he’s going to do to me in January though. One small hole and then he’ll pull both spunk pipes (my words) through it, snip snip, cauterise them, pop them back in and then cauterise the hole he got them out of.

Is it local anaesthetic?  Let us know what burning spunk pipes smell of.  I'm going with gammon.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #25 on: November 28, 2019, 07:15:55 PM »
The doctor drew quite a detailed picture of what he’s going to do to me in January

Geez, as if you didn't have enough to deal with.

Default to the negative

  • outspoken diva
Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #26 on: November 28, 2019, 07:16:27 PM »
Imagine if a woman came on here and said, 'I think I should undergo surgery to get my fallopian tubes tied. My husband says it's for the best, he's been encouraging it for years.' Everyone would be freaking out and raging.

But when a man says he's getting spayed, that's cool.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #27 on: November 28, 2019, 07:18:13 PM »
Well it turns out today was just a consultation and I’ve not been done.

The doctor drew quite a detailed picture of what he’s going to do to me in January though. One small hole and then he’ll pull both spunk pipes (my words) through it, snip snip, cauterise them, pop them back in and then cauterise the hole he got them out of. Bish bosh.

It is a rum way to make a living when you think about it.

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #28 on: November 28, 2019, 09:22:57 PM »
The doctor drew quite a detailed picture of what he’s going to do to me in January though. [...]
After over-sharing about my prostate earlier in the thread, that comment reminded me about the ophthalmologist at Moorfields who said about my chalazion procedure "it's perfectly straightforward, we'll invert your eyelid, attach a metal clamp to keep it where we want it, then stab the chalazion with a scalpel to remove the contents."
Yes, thanks, brilliant, I massively like the sound of that.  (It's actually not so bad when it happens, if you push to the back of your mind words like "invert", "clamp", "stab", and "contents".)

Re: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!
« Reply #29 on: November 28, 2019, 09:29:49 PM »
It is a rum way to make a living when you think about it.

I wonder that a lot about doctors. I have a friend who is a doctor and when I met her she was still studying general doctoring, but had to make her mind up about her specialisation. She went with something to do with the stomach which I guess fair enough, there's a lot of important things going on there and lots to study and sort out, probably quite interesting.
But some people choose to be a PENIS DOCTOR or a gynaecologist. What the fuck?