Author Topic: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile! (Read 5437 times)

idunnosomename · « **Reply #60 on:** February 05, 2020, 08:16:51 PM »

walkin on walkin on walkin on burnin spunk

the · « **Reply #61 on:** February 05, 2020, 08:35:37 PM »

non capisco · « **Reply #62 on:** February 05, 2020, 10:59:55 PM »

This really is my favourite ever thread title. Perhaps refer to your first post-procedure sex business, shared or solo, as 'Operation Grand Slam.'

Hope it's a breeze, Mr. SteveDave!

Viero_Berlotti · « **Reply #63 on:** February 05, 2020, 11:16:13 PM »

Quote from: SteveDave on February 05, 2020, 05:23:05 PM

This is happening tomorrow morning at 10am.

I've been told no sex business be it shared or solo for 1 week. I've also been told that my first few ejaculations will contain blood.

I'll let you all know what burning spunk smells like.

Well this is fucking weird, I'm getting done tomorrow as well. 3pm, I shall report back.

Bazooka · « **Reply #64 on:** February 05, 2020, 11:21:24 PM »

Can you still get other species pregnant? A mate wanted me to ask.

bgmnts · « **Reply #65 on:** February 05, 2020, 11:25:18 PM »

I'm actually having more tubes put in to make myself more fertile tomorrow afternoon.

Bazooka · « **Reply #66 on:** February 05, 2020, 11:28:22 PM »

Quote from: bgmnts on February 05, 2020, 11:25:18 PM

I'm actually having more tubes put in to make myself more fertile tomorrow afternoon.

Ask for the Penne pasta, the babies come out all Italian.

Ambient Sheep · « **Reply #67 on:** February 05, 2020, 11:48:02 PM »

Quote from: SteveDave on February 05, 2020, 05:23:05 PM

This is happening tomorrow morning at 10am.

I've been told no sex business be it shared or solo for 1 week.

Quote from: Viero_Berlotti on February 05, 2020, 11:16:13 PM

Well this is fucking weird, I'm getting done tomorrow as well. 3pm, I shall report back.

Obviously wank yourself senseless tonight then, guys, to lessen the post-op frustration time. :-)

No, it doesn't have to be with each other.

Good luck for tomorrow!

Blue Jam · « **Reply #68 on:** February 06, 2020, 11:10:27 AM »

Yeah, good luck chaps, wishing you both a speedy recovery and you're up and about and firing blanks before too long.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain · « **Reply #69 on:** February 06, 2020, 11:29:03 AM »

Quote from: Better Midlands on February 05, 2020, 07:44:50 PM

Survivor consider rewrite

Elvis Presley and John Foxx also both giving the rewrite option serious consideration.

Small Man Big Horse · « **Reply #70 on:** February 06, 2020, 12:04:24 PM »

Quote from: Blue Jam on February 06, 2020, 11:10:27 AM

Yeah, good luck chaps, wishing you both a speedy recovery and you're up and about and firing blanks before too long.

Likewise, I am thinking of your penises and testicles today (though that's not particularly unusual) and hope all survive.

bgmnts · « **Reply #71 on:** February 06, 2020, 12:05:44 PM »

I hope something fucks up and you get turned into a strange testicle Thing monster.

Nice Relaxing Poo · « **Reply #72 on:** February 06, 2020, 12:12:56 PM »

Consider yourself lucky that you don't live in 17th century Britain mate. Samuel Pepys gives a startling account of the what was on offer when his missus tried to nag him into getting his "cocketh venom conduits destroyed after gettyng the maid with childe once again after swiving her"

Quote

I was invited to see an unfortunatt individual undergo the procedure in by the barber surgeon, I witnessed a poor soul having his cods belabour'd by an elderly fishwyfe using her wooden clogs untill his jewels were but a bloody mess. The barber surgeon then bath'd the affected area using a concoction composed of vitriol, dung, gunpowder and mandrake root. Ask'd by the surgeon if I would be interest'd in being his next customer I say'd "This will not happen to me sir, thou must be fucking joking" and offeth I fuck'd to tell my shrew of a wyfe to forget about the whole thing

Shit Good Nose · « **Reply #73 on:** February 06, 2020, 12:27:58 PM »

Over two hours after the operation with no update, so I can only assume that SteveDave died on the operating table with his ballsack open and his bollocks dangling out like a couple of small tomatoes still on the vine. RIP.

the · « **Reply #74 on:** February 06, 2020, 02:23:57 PM »

Don't worry, the chaps at Bollock Ward 9 know what they're doing. They've handled more laser-roasted vas than you've had shitty casserole

idunnosomename · « **Reply #75 on:** February 06, 2020, 02:35:06 PM »

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on February 06, 2020, 12:27:58 PM

Over two hours after the operation with no update, so I can only assume that SteveDave died on the operating table with his ballsack open and his bollocks dangling out like a couple of small tomatoes still on the vine. RIP.

those cherry tomatoes can squirt all over you at a mere touch

Blue Jam · « **Reply #76 on:** February 06, 2020, 03:05:59 PM »

...no seeds tho

Viero_Berlotti · « **Reply #77 on:** February 06, 2020, 06:45:40 PM »

Well that was nowhere near as bad as I had anticipated. The procedure itself was pretty painless. I think I got lucky though, I had another Dr observing for training purposes. I overheard the Dr performing the snip say that he uses a slightly higher dose of local anaesthetic than recommended as the prescribed amount "is a bit mean". The worse part was probably the burning smell, I still keep getting a whiff, think it's stuck up my nose. Walked into the Doctors surgery at 15:00, walked out at 15:35.

The anaesthetic has worn off now, but currently the pain isn't too bad. The co-codamol has reduced it to a dull ball-ache. Not sure what tomorrow will bring but I don't think it will be too bad.

Just ordered the filthy kofta kebab I'd promised myself.

I hope it was as smooth and as pain free for SteveDave earlier on today.

Nice Relaxing Poo · « **Reply #78 on:** February 07, 2020, 10:27:02 AM »

Have you jizzed blood yet or don't you feel like commiting a filthy act of self pollution just at this moment?

Viero_Berlotti · « **Reply #79 on:** February 07, 2020, 11:25:23 AM »

Quote from: Nice Relaxing Poo on February 07, 2020, 10:27:02 AM

Have you jizzed blood yet or don't you feel like commiting a filthy act of self pollution just at this moment?

No chance, not for a week at least.

SteveDave · « **Reply #80 on:** February 09, 2020, 08:47:08 PM »

Well...

I got there on time and ready to be lazered. The friendly surgeon welcomed me in, told me to get my trousers off and hop up onto the table. I did this. He asked me to lower my knickers. I did so. He had a good old rumble on my nards. He looked concerned. He really got stuck into the right one and then said solemnly "I can't bring the right hand vas to the surface...does this hurt?" He jabbed his fingers right in and my right leg shot up and almost took out his assistant. I was asked to redress and told that the tightness of my scrotum meant that the operation couldn't happen today. I've now been referred to a/an urologist to have it done under general anaesthetic.

So, I am still fertile. I get the feeling that I'll be fertile forever.

Nice Relaxing Poo · « **Reply #81 on:** February 09, 2020, 08:50:14 PM »

Phimosis of the scrotum? Surely a first for CaB..

Norton Canes · « **Reply #82 on:** February 09, 2020, 08:51:48 PM »

I wish I had a tight scrotum.

Shoulders?-Stomach! · « **Reply #83 on:** February 09, 2020, 08:56:44 PM »

Tight. Was it cold in the room?

Huxleys Babkins · « **Reply #84 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:03:42 PM »

Quote from: SteveDave on February 09, 2020, 08:47:08 PM

Well...

I got there on time and ready to be lazered. The friendly surgeon welcomed me in, told me to get my trousers off and hop up onto the table. I did this. He asked me to lower my knickers. I did so. He had a good old rumble on my nards. He looked concerned. He really got stuck into the right one and then said solemnly "I can't bring the right hand vas to the surface...does this hurt?" He jabbed his fingers right in and my right leg shot up and almost took out his assistant. I was asked to redress and told that the tightness of my scrotum meant that the operation couldn't happen today. I've now been referred to a/an urologist to have it done under general anaesthetic.

So, I am still fertile. I get the feeling that I'll be fertile forever.

Best get someone pregnant now whist you’ve still got the chance. If your wife kicks off, just blame the surgeon, solemnly shake your head and say “I know, I’m just as disappointed with him as you are”.

madhair60 · « **Reply #85 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:03:52 PM »

Haha your bollocks are shit

madhair60 · « **Reply #86 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:04:34 PM »

your sack is wack

SteveDave · « **Reply #87 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:37:46 PM »

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 09, 2020, 08:56:44 PM

Tight. Was it cold in the room?

Not especially. He showed me his notes from November when he examined me and it said "Simon has a tight scrotum" then.

PlanktonSideburns · « **Reply #88 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:38:24 PM »

Quote from: Nice Relaxing Poo on February 09, 2020, 08:50:14 PM

Phimosis of the scrotum? Surely a first for CaB..

scrimosis

PlanktonSideburns · « **Reply #89 on:** February 09, 2020, 09:39:18 PM »

Quote from: SteveDave on February 09, 2020, 09:37:46 PM

"Simon has a tight scrotum"

nice! thanks mate

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Author Topic: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile! (Read 5437 times)