Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 28, 2024, 04:10:34 PM

Login with username, password and session length

No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!

Started by SteveDave, November 28, 2019, 11:25:06 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

idunnosomename



non capisco

This really is my favourite ever thread title. Perhaps refer to your first post-procedure sex business, shared or solo, as 'Operation Grand Slam.'

Hope it's a breeze, Mr. SteveDave!

Viero_Berlotti

Quote from: SteveDave on February 05, 2020, 05:23:05 PM
This is happening tomorrow morning at 10am.

I've been told no sex business be it shared or solo for 1 week. I've also been told that my first few ejaculations will contain blood.

I'll let you all know what burning spunk smells like.

Well this is fucking weird, I'm getting done tomorrow as well. 3pm, I shall report back.

Bazooka

Can you still get other species pregnant? A mate wanted me to ask.

bgmnts

I'm actually having more tubes put in to make myself more fertile tomorrow afternoon.

Bazooka

Quote from: bgmnts on February 05, 2020, 11:25:18 PM
I'm actually having more tubes put in to make myself more fertile tomorrow afternoon.

Ask for the Penne pasta, the babies come out all Italian.

Ambient Sheep

Quote from: SteveDave on February 05, 2020, 05:23:05 PMThis is happening tomorrow morning at 10am.

I've been told no sex business be it shared or solo for 1 week.

Quote from: Viero_Berlotti on February 05, 2020, 11:16:13 PM
Well this is fucking weird, I'm getting done tomorrow as well. 3pm, I shall report back.

Obviously wank yourself senseless tonight then, guys, to lessen the post-op frustration time. :-)

No, it doesn't have to be with each other.

Good luck for tomorrow!

Blue Jam

Yeah, good luck chaps, wishing you both a speedy recovery and you're up and about and firing blanks before too long.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Quote from: Better Midlands on February 05, 2020, 07:44:50 PM
Survivor consider rewrite

Elvis Presley and John Foxx also both giving the rewrite option serious consideration.

Small Man Big Horse

Quote from: Blue Jam on February 06, 2020, 11:10:27 AM
Yeah, good luck chaps, wishing you both a speedy recovery and you're up and about and firing blanks before too long.

Likewise, I am thinking of your penises and testicles today (though that's not particularly unusual) and hope all survive.

bgmnts

I hope something fucks up and you get turned into a strange testicle Thing monster.

Consider yourself lucky that you don't live in 17th century Britain mate. Samuel Pepys gives a startling account of the what was on offer when his missus tried to nag him into getting his "cocketh venom conduits destroyed after gettyng the maid with childe once again after swiving her"

QuoteI was invited to see an unfortunatt individual undergo the procedure in by the barber surgeon, I witnessed a poor soul having his cods belabour'd by an elderly fishwyfe using her wooden clogs untill his jewels were but a bloody mess. The barber surgeon then bath'd the affected area using a concoction composed of vitriol, dung, gunpowder and mandrake root. Ask'd by the surgeon if I would be interest'd in being his next customer I say'd "This will not happen to me sir, thou must be fucking joking" and offeth I fuck'd to tell my shrew of a wyfe to forget about the whole thing

Shit Good Nose

Over two hours after the operation with no update, so I can only assume that SteveDave died on the operating table with his ballsack open and his bollocks dangling out like a couple of small tomatoes still on the vine.  RIP.

the

Don't worry, the chaps at Bollock Ward 9 know what they're doing. They've handled more laser-roasted vas than you've had shitty casserole

idunnosomename

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on February 06, 2020, 12:27:58 PM
Over two hours after the operation with no update, so I can only assume that SteveDave died on the operating table with his ballsack open and his bollocks dangling out like a couple of small tomatoes still on the vine.  RIP.
those cherry tomatoes can squirt all over you at a mere touch

Blue Jam


Viero_Berlotti

Well that was nowhere near as bad as I had anticipated. The procedure itself was pretty painless. I think I got lucky though, I had another Dr observing for training purposes. I overheard the Dr performing the snip say that he uses a slightly higher dose of local anaesthetic than recommended as the prescribed amount "is a bit mean". The worse part was probably the burning smell, I still keep getting a whiff, think it's stuck up my nose. Walked into the Doctors surgery at 15:00, walked out at 15:35.

The anaesthetic has worn off now, but currently the pain isn't too bad. The co-codamol has reduced it to a dull ball-ache. Not sure what tomorrow will bring but I don't think it will be too bad.

Just ordered the filthy kofta kebab I'd promised myself.

I hope it was as smooth and as pain free for SteveDave earlier on today.

Have you jizzed blood yet or don't you feel like commiting a filthy act of self pollution just at this moment?

Viero_Berlotti

Quote from: Nice Relaxing Poo on February 07, 2020, 10:27:02 AM
Have you jizzed blood yet or don't you feel like commiting a filthy act of self pollution just at this moment?

No chance, not for a week at least.

SteveDave

Well...

I got there on time and ready to be lazered. The friendly surgeon welcomed me in, told me to get my trousers off and hop up onto the table. I did this. He asked me to lower my knickers. I did so. He had a good old rumble on my nards. He looked concerned. He really got stuck into the right one and then said solemnly "I can't bring the right hand vas to the surface...does this hurt?" He jabbed his fingers right in and my right leg shot up and almost took out his assistant. I was asked to redress and told that the tightness of my scrotum meant that the operation couldn't happen today. I've now been referred to a/an urologist to have it done under general anaesthetic.

So, I am still fertile. I get the feeling that I'll be fertile forever.

Phimosis of the scrotum? Surely a first for CaB..

Norton Canes


Shoulders?-Stomach!


Quote from: SteveDave on February 09, 2020, 08:47:08 PM
Well...

I got there on time and ready to be lazered. The friendly surgeon welcomed me in, told me to get my trousers off and hop up onto the table. I did this. He asked me to lower my knickers. I did so. He had a good old rumble on my nards. He looked concerned. He really got stuck into the right one and then said solemnly "I can't bring the right hand vas to the surface...does this hurt?" He jabbed his fingers right in and my right leg shot up and almost took out his assistant. I was asked to redress and told that the tightness of my scrotum meant that the operation couldn't happen today. I've now been referred to a/an urologist to have it done under general anaesthetic.

So, I am still fertile. I get the feeling that I'll be fertile forever.

Best get someone pregnant now whist you've still got the chance. If your wife kicks off, just blame the surgeon, solemnly shake your head and say "I know, I'm just as disappointed with him as you are".

madhair60


madhair60


SteveDave

Quote from: Shoulders?-Stomach! on February 09, 2020, 08:56:44 PM
Tight. Was it cold in the room?

Not especially. He showed me his notes from November when he examined me and it said "Simon has a tight scrotum" then.

PlanktonSideburns


PlanktonSideburns