Topic: No Mr SteveDave I Expect You To Be Sterile!

[shiftwork2]

After over-sharing about my prostate earlier in the thread, that comment reminded me about the ophthalmologist at Moorfields who said about my chalazion procedure "it's perfectly straightforward, we'll invert your eyelid, attach a metal clamp to keep it where we want it, then stab the chalazion with a scalpel to remove the contents."
Yes, thanks, brilliant, I massively like the sound of that.  (It's actually not so bad when it happens, if you push to the back of your mind words like "invert", "clamp", "stab", and "contents".)

Interesting.  I am a chalazion man, I’ve had 8 in the past 5 years.  Usually on a lower lid and not so noticeable, but once on an upper lid and very prominent indeed.  My GP basically advised against surgery.  Given how many I have since had I think this was good advice.  Not sure there would be much left of my eyelids.  Are you prone to them or was this a one off?

[non capisco]

I have been chuckling on and off at this thread title all day.

[sick as a pike]

Interesting.  I am a chalazion man, I’ve had 8 in the past 5 years.  Usually on a lower lid and not so noticeable, but once on an upper lid and very prominent indeed.  My GP basically advised against surgery.  Given how many I have since had I think this was good advice.  Not sure there would be much left of my eyelids.  Are you prone to them or was this a one off?

I think I had five (?) procedures over the years at Moorfields to stab the buggers. It does indeed seem that the prevailing NHS advice is not to have the surgery. Mine were generally very prominent, though. I also had an intervention to stab a sebaceous cyst on the back of my head, so maybe I'm just an abnormally greasy man.

[Bently Sheds]

I got steriled a few years ago. I have two pieces of advice for you, SteveDave.

1. If you're having lasered nards, shave all around your groin and especially the tops of your thighs as they put an adhesive earthing strip there. When the nurse ripped that fucker off it was the most pain I had ever felt in my life.

2. When you get home and Mrs SteveDave asks to look at your stitches, make sure you keep a firm hand on the waistband of the jockstrap when you pull it down. Otherwise, when it slides off your fingers and twangs right onto your sensitive, wounded love blobs at the point of incision, you will fall sobbing to the floor, your vision blurred by flashing stars. A bag of frozen peas will have to be administered to the area along with many stuff drinks to get you through the trauma.

[PlanktonSideburns]

I wonder that a lot about doctors. I have a friend who is a doctor and when I met her she was still studying general doctoring, but had to make her mind up about her specialisation. She went with something to do with the stomach which I guess fair enough, there's a lot of important things going on there and lots to study and sort out, probably quite interesting.
But some people choose to be a PENIS DOCTOR or a gynaecologist. What the fuck?

so andy, theres no rush, but i think we should probably start a conversation about what sort of specialis-

PENIS DOCTOR

um, ok

I WANT PENIS DOCTOR

ah, um well, you dont have to decide right away, were still-

IVE DECIDED.

ok and

ITS PENIS DOCTOR

right

[PlanktonSideburns]

I got steriled a few years ago. I have two pieces of advice for you, SteveDave.

1. If you're having lasered nards, shave all around your groin and especially the tops of your thighs as they put an adhesive earthing strip there. When the nurse ripped that fucker off it was the most pain I had ever felt in my life.

2. When you get home and Mrs SteveDave asks to look at your stitches, make sure you keep a firm hand on the waistband of the jockstrap when you pull it down. Otherwise, when it slides off your fingers and twangs right onto your sensitive, wounded love blobs at the point of incision, you will fall sobbing to the floor, your vision blurred by flashing stars. A bag of frozen peas will have to be administered to the area along with many stuff drinks to get you through the trauma.

they have to EARTH you nards? like its a church?

[PlanktonSideburns]

Imagine if a woman came on here and said, 'I think I should undergo surgery to get my fallopian tubes tied. My husband says it's for the best, he's been encouraging it for years.' Everyone would be freaking out and raging.

But when a man says he's getting spayed, that's cool.

for the record, i wouldnt be freaking out.

would you be freaking out?

i also have no problem with the OP getting his bozak vapourised.

[Bently Sheds]

they have to EARTH you nards? like its a church?

Yeah. The stress of having an operation was alleviated somewhat by the knowledge that I'd be alright if there was a lightning strike on my helmet.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Doctor, the patient is exibiting a loud buzzing noise?

Have you turned the volume all the way up on his nards?

Yes, it's all the way up.

OK nurse, could you just hit the Ground Lift switch on the DI BOX?

Ah yes, that's taken care of it doctor

[Glebe]

Best of luck with the meat-and-two-veg mangling, SteveDave!

[SteveDave]

I got steriled a few years ago. I have two pieces of advice for you, SteveDave.

1. If you're having lasered nards, shave all around your groin and especially the tops of your thighs as they put an adhesive earthing strip there. When the nurse ripped that fucker off it was the most pain I had ever felt in my life.

2. When you get home and Mrs SteveDave asks to look at your stitches, make sure you keep a firm hand on the waistband of the jockstrap when you pull it down. Otherwise, when it slides off your fingers and twangs right onto your sensitive, wounded love blobs at the point of incision, you will fall sobbing to the floor, your vision blurred by flashing stars. A bag of frozen peas will have to be administered to the area along with many stuff drinks to get you through the trauma.

Thank you. I was planning on buying a cricket box thing as we've got a 2 year old (who is the reason I'm getting neutered) and he loves to smash my square in the nuts on the regular.

[ProvanFan]

Can't you just make yourself infertile with a curse or something?

[JarrowMonkey]

My brother had it done, it fucking knacked he said

His wife told his three kids, who were all very young, to go and bounce up and down on the bed, oh how he laughed

[Bobtoo]

I didn't think it was that bad- although mine was done with good old-fashioned scalpels and not lasers. I drove home and was back at work the next day.

[Glebe]

I didn't think it was that bad- although mine was done with good old-fashioned scalpels and not lasers.

[Ambient Sheep]

I didn't think it was that bad- although mine was done with good old-fashioned scalpels and not lasers. I drove home and was back at work the next day.

Yeah one of my managers had his done that way in around 1992.  Worst bit -- like the dentist -- was the local anaesthetic injection.  He had it done privately (dunno why) at the surgeon's own house, apparently he had a dedicated room for it in his very posh house in Bishop's Stortford.  Sat him on a kind of seatless high chair while he sat on a low stool beside him to do the work.  Just a small incision, pulled the tubes out, snip and tie, stuff them back in again.

He too was back at work the next day, and the only real after-effect he had was mad itching from the stubble as his pubes grew back.

[ProvanFan]

Can vasectomy victims still get that feeling you get when you go down a steep hill?

[SteveDave]

I didn't think it was that bad- although mine was done with good old-fashioned scalpels and not lasers. I drove home and was back at work the next day.

HOW DID THEY KEEP YOUR DICK OUT OF THE WAY? I MUS KNO!

[Norton Canes]

My wife has an anesthetist nurse friend who considerately rearranged her rota when she realised she was scheduled to numbify my genitals.

[Blue Jam]

Imagine if a woman came on here and said, 'I think I should undergo surgery to get my fallopian tubes tied. My husband says it's for the best, he's been encouraging it for years.' Everyone would be freaking out and raging.

But when a man says he's getting spayed, that's cool.

I think it's because: A. Getting your egg tubes tied is riskier and actually less effective than other, less invasive forms of contraception, and: B. Women are expected to bear the brunt of responsibility for contraception so when a man takes some responsibility it's seen as admirable and remarkable. If anything I think it should be encouraged and normalised.

A friend of mine got her husband a PS4 for having a vasectomy. I had an IUD shot up me last year, what's that worth? A PS Vita at least I reckon. Maybe a Barcode Battler?

[bgmnts]

B. Women are expected to bear the brunt of responsibility for contraception so when a man takes some responsibility it's seen as admirable and remarkable. If anything I think it should be encouraged and normalised.

Once they invent that sperm killer pill, then it'll be totally equal I reckon.

[Blue Jam]

Once they invent that sperm killer pill, then it'll be totally equal I reckon.

The male pill would be great, but one thing that might make things more equal are the side effects and health risks men would have to put up with.

I've got a copper IUD and after years of the Nexplanon implant it's nice to be free of artificial hormones. I guess the closest thing to that for men would be RISUG:

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/ae3qx8/the-perfect-birth-control-for-men-is-here-why-cant-we-use-it

[imitationleather]

I had an IED shot up me last year, what's that worth?

My God, there has to be a better way to control your fertility!

[Blue Jam]

Hella effective though.

[SteveDave]

I forgot to reply to this

Imagine if a woman came on here and said, 'I think I should undergo surgery to get my fallopian tubes tied. My husband says it's for the best, he's been encouraging it for years.' Everyone would be freaking out and raging.

But when a man says he's getting spayed, that's cool.

I'm getting done because the last time my wife took birth control pills she went mentile and tried to kill herself. Also I don't like using condoms and can't be trusted to withdraw upon the big moment.

[bgmnts]

Withdrawal method is dodgy as fuck anyway. Get those nackers snipped man.

[Blue Jam]

I'm getting done because the last time my wife took birth control pills she went mentile and tried to kill herself. Also I don't like using condoms and can't be trusted to withdraw upon the big moment.

Good on ya, SteveDave. My last Nexplanon implant made me mental. I had constant "brain fog" and found myself at work trying not to cry in meetings.

The man-snip is a hell of a lot easier than the lady-snip- getting one's egg tubes tied requires general anaesthetic, cuts through the abdominal muscles and significant recovery time. The snipping of sperm tubes is an outpatient procedure which can be done under a local anaesthetic. The tying of egg tubes is therefore a much bigger ask than the snipping of sperm pipes.

Hysteroscopic sterilisation with Essure was a non-surgical option for women until recently, when it was banned in the EU because the Essure implants which are rammed up the egg pipes were found to be causing all sorts of nasties. I almost put myself on the waiting list to have it done before opting for the IUD... *shudder*

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-41331963

Having had a ten-year copper IUD at 37 means I'm as good as sterilised anyway, especially as the failure rate for the IUD is actually lower. The Mirena coil is meant to be even more effective but I'm not having synthetic hormones pumped into me ever again.

[SteveDave]

This is happening tomorrow morning at 10am.

I've been told no sex business be it shared or solo for 1 week. I've also been told that my first few ejaculations will contain blood.

I'll let you all know what burning spunk smells like.

[pancreas]

I'll let you all know what burning spunk smells like.

We know.

[Better Midlands]

burning spunk

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