We Can't Consent To This

[Noonling]

I read a BBC article about a rise in unwanted choking/slapping etc in consentual sex, which led me to the cheery website We Can't Consent To This.

He told attending paramedics and police that Sally had died during "vigorous sex". The court has heard much detail of Sally's alleged sex life in the years before her death.

Sally died of her injuries: "a fractured spine, multiple rib fractures and a hypoxic brain injury, meaning she was unable to breathe by herself. She also had extensive bruising around her eyes, neck and arms."

Michelle Denise Rosser, 38, is murdered by her partner. He told police her facial injuries (which included a fractured skull, a brain bleed, multiple bruises and grazes) were from sex they'd had the night before. She'd called police 11 times in 2 years to report domestic abuse.

Laura is killed by a man she'd just met that day. Jason Gaskell, 24, was charged with murder but admitted manslaughter. He had strangled a woman 11 days before he killed Laura, and was later given a 16 week sentence for that earlier attack. Gaskell held a knife to Laura's neck while having sex - he claimed with her consent - and used mild to moderate force to cut through her carotid artery. The court accepted that Gaskell, the only surviving witness, had not intended to use the knife to kill Laura and was engaged in what the judge called "bizarre and violent sadomasochistic sexual activity"
Manslaughter, 6 years

Hannah met her killer, James Morton, 24, on the day she died.  She was "heavily intoxicated" when she died, and Morton was sober and was reported as being obsessed with strangulation, frequently watching porn featuring strangulation of women.  Although the judge said Morton had strangled Hannah "without warning or permission", Morton claimed he began to lightly strangle Hannah, which he said she did not object to, before more forcefully strangling her.  He waited 20 minutes after he saw Hannah had stopped breathing to phone 999, and after smashing her phone because it was ringing. The jury cleared him of murder and found him guilty of manslaughter.

Natalie was mum to a daughter, and a twin sister. Natalie died with vaginal arterial bleeding and severe alcohol and cocaine intoxication at the bottom of the stairs of the home she shared with her partner of a few months, John Broadhurst, 36. Natalie had suffered 40 separate injuries, including serious internal trauma, a fractured eye socket and facial wounds. Broadhurst claimed her injuries, including "dreadful blunt-force injuries to her head, buttocks and breast before spraying her face with bleach to clean off the blood" were from consensual "rough sex". The next morning, he "stepped across her now lifeless body, had breakfast, washed the car and called the emergency services, telling the police and paramedics that she was "dead as a doughnut"".
Manslaughter, 3 years 8 months

Dawn was found above a bloodstained bed, with Pickford's tow rope tied several times round her neck and thirty injuries to her face and neck.

Not guilty

Pretty disturbing how many of them are reduced to manslaughter.

[checkoutgirl]

So murder is now 3 years to no time at all? Hmmm, that's odd. Thought it would be more.

[Default to the negative]

Reminds me of that scene in this film.

[Cardenio I]

I'm quite into this but pretty sure my GF was the one who initiated the whole thing by choking me out of the blue, so if anything I'm the victim. By "this" I mean a bit of the sexual rough-housing, not spurious murder cover-ups.

[bgmnts]

Definitely porn to blame here, its all over the shop.

[imitationleather]

I'm quite into this but pretty sure my GF was the one who initiated the whole thing by choking me out of the blue, so if anything I'm the victim. By "this" I mean a bit of the sexual rough-housing, not spurious murder cover-ups.

When someone made me choke them I was verrrrry uncomfortable with it. Just not my bag. They seemed to love it so fair enough I guess but urgh. Didn't feel violated or anything because it was me doing it to them and I knew them well. If someone started putting their hands around my neck without discussion beforehand I would of course be terrified. Surprised that isn't what everybody automatically thinks. You can't just start attacking people uninvited.

Porn probably does have its part to play. I guess when lads are young and inexperienced they may not be aware that pornography is a fantasy and not reality. They need some older men they can look up to (such as me) to tell them that real making love is all about missionary once a month. Anyway I'm a bit wary about saying it is 100% to blame because then you're in "violent video games are responsible for society's ills" territory.

[Cuellar]

I blame 50 Shades of Grey. Remember that?! What was that all about eh?! Remember??

[thenoise]

spurious murder cover-ups.

Yes, quite. It's a convenient and currently fashionable way to get your murder reduced to manslaughter. No way some of those were sex games gone wrong (at least, not consensual ones).

Men getting rough with their partners/strangers because they are watching too much porn is a different story, really. Also quite an issue. Lets go back to 'porn'=playboy and FHM sex tips and Charlotte Church is a big girl now. Pretty sure there wasn't any of this sort of thing back then.

[Cardenio I]

Men getting rough with their partners/strangers because they are watching too much porn is a different story, really.

Although presumably, the fact that a jury (judge?) is willing to believe the "horseplay gone wrong" narrative is part of the same societal story that has dudes thinking it's grand to indulge in a precipitous bout of unwelcome breathplay with a casual hook up.