Author Topic: The ABC of Salesmanship  (Read 918 times)

The ABC of Salesmanship
« on: December 02, 2019, 04:22:39 PM »
Always


Be


Cunt




Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2019, 04:24:03 PM »
It takes brass balls to be a cunt.

Danger Man

  • TankTop BumBoy
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2019, 04:47:53 PM »
All the toilets in The Boston Crab's house smell vaguely of his wife's shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time.

wosl

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Kermit?
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2019, 05:15:16 PM »
When Bosto swings
They're c(o)unted-out in the ring
When Bosto swings
He takes out ever-y-thing

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2019, 05:18:28 PM »
All the toilets in The Boston Crab's house smell vaguely of his wife's shit. It gets so you don't mind it. That's the worst thing that I can confess. You know how long it took me to get there? A long time.

You amaze me, I've always thought you shared a pillow.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Are we human? Or are we toilet
    • http://jackanderton.jamendo.net/
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #5 on: December 03, 2019, 07:43:26 AM »
SLF

Sellin' Like Fuck

Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2019, 08:25:21 AM »
PTB

Pledged

To

Beli'yaal

Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #7 on: December 03, 2019, 07:29:13 PM »
Put the coffee down.  Coffee’s for cunts.

Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2019, 08:16:57 PM »
lick my balls

thecuriousorange

  • WELCOME THRILLHOU
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2019, 08:17:32 PM »
N
I
T
N
VAT
N
M
B
N
G

Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2019, 08:25:11 PM »
Let's call it five for a pound. Deal.

But they're five penny sweets.

I SAID DEAL

Sin Agog

  • Dogs fucked the pope; no fault of mine
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2019, 08:31:35 PM »
I heard Sun Tzu's The Art Of War was an excellent resource for the aspiring businessman, but when I did like it said and lured the lass who owns that other launderette down Cowper Street into a bear trap then prodded her a bit with a spear to make sure she was really dead, suddenly everyone got all mad at me like I did something wrong.

Cloud

  • total fucking prick
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2019, 10:06:29 PM »
Ah good, this looks like a good enough thread to make a rant I wanted to make about salesmanship!

I was thinking about taking advantage of a time limited upgrade offer for work (Quarkxpress FYI as the version we're using is old and at the moment they advertise a latest version upgrade for just a few hundred as part of a new perpetual/subscription hybrid licensing model where you can still keep the current software if you don't renew).  But our version really is OLD and I couldn't find much in their small print so I opened up the online chat with a simple question.  "Can I take advantage of this offer if I have version 8".  Simple question that should have a simple answer.

Rather than actually answer, what did they say?  "There are one or two things you need to be aware of, can I give you a call to discuss?"

No you can't.  I made my excuses and ended the chat.  I hate hate HATE with a passion when IT sales people get their claws in over the phone as they keep phoning you up every 5 minutes putting pressure on you to close a sale (which is all the more frustrating when you're only authorised as a purchase influencer, not a purchase decision maker).  Sometimes they get persistent enough that they'll keep yapping away for an hour every day trying to convince you.  Can't stand it.  If we need something we'll discuss it and buy it on our own terms as far as I'm concerned, not when we're being chased by some salesman who is usually either cringe-inducingly fake-chipper and your bestest ever buddy you just met, or a complete cunt who gets all arsey and sarcastic if you don't close the sale for them within 5 minutes. 

Their tactics are their loss, we'll stick with what we've got and consider alternatives if/when the security scans start whinging about it being vulnerable old software.  If they'd answered the question affirmatively without wanting to get in touch over the phone, they'd probably be about £600 richer by now.  But because they always want to phone up and shove their foot in the door, they're not.

Sony Walkman Prophecies

  • Chatto & Windus
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2019, 10:20:54 PM »
salesman who is usually either cringe-inducingly fake-chipper and your bestest ever buddy.

You’ve just described our now departed salesman. I could see why he chose the bubbly and chipper approach, but to the person at the other end, it just sounds like mewing desperation. As if to prove the point, we’ve actually done better without him, if last’s months revenue is anything to go by.

Of course in the IT industry - where purchases are made by committee - it’s debatable whether sales has any effect at all. If the product is good and the pricing is competitive, it’ll sell. You don’t need a bloke who sounds like a half-pissed personal trainer calling people up at odd hours to discuss their “options”. It’s just a complete waste of everyone’s time.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

  • ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2019, 10:31:38 PM »

My prophecy is way better than your prophecies.

Cloud

  • total fucking prick
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2019, 11:01:51 PM »
You’ve just described our now departed salesman. I could see why he chose the bubbly and chipper approach, but to the person at the other end, it just sounds like mewing desperation. As if to prove the point, we’ve actually done better without him, if last’s months revenue is anything to go by.

Of course in the IT industry - where purchases are made by committee - it’s debatable whether sales has any effect at all. If the product is good and the pricing is competitive, it’ll sell. You don’t need a bloke who sounds like a half-pissed personal trainer calling people up at odd hours to discuss their “options”. It’s just a complete waste of everyone’s time.

Thoroughly agree!   Especially when, sorry to stereotype people but stereotypes do tend to have a ring of truth.... many IT departments are staffed by people 'on the spectrum'.  I'm fairly sure I'm one of such (though undiagnosed).  With that comes personal preferences for communication methods (generally online) and we just don't react well to being grilled every day or two by a sales/account manager somewhere; it's more of an offput than anything else. 

If I were to milk the victimhood thing a bit too much, I'd even say it can come across as bullying sometimes for an aggressive "hard salesperson" to be preying on non-managerial IT staff.  But I do know we need a certain level of ability to stand up for ourselves to be employable in the first place...

Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2019, 11:05:05 PM »
The IT guy at my last role was a pretty normal chap to be fair, but he did self publish his fantasy novels and loved K-Pop.

imitationleather

  • "The French... are famous... for their kissing"
    • http://last.fm/user/ImiLeathr
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2019, 11:06:34 PM »
The IT guy at my last role was a pretty normal chap to be fair, but he did self publish his fantasy novels and loved K-Pop.

What's his name on here?

Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2019, 11:07:30 PM »
I said normal chap.

Cloud

  • total fucking prick
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2019, 11:07:48 PM »
I can do a reasonably convincing "normal" (but with sketchy eye contact)... way too lazy to write a novel outside of these long post replies though :)

Sony Walkman Prophecies

  • Chatto & Windus
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #20 on: December 04, 2019, 01:33:02 AM »
Some people definitely have a hard time figuring out non-verbal cues/cues that are verbal but hedged with subtleties - but, if anything, I’ve found that’s something bristling and outgoing sales types tend to suffer from those manning the code. Being shy or quiet bares no correlation to having a compromised theory of mind. I’m not sure how or why the myth started that it does. Apologies for the detail, just a bit of a pet annoyance of mine.

Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #21 on: December 04, 2019, 09:11:36 PM »
Fill out an M2 PO and get Dean to sign it just don't hold your breath.

Sherringford Hovis

  • (ᵔᴥᵔ)
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #22 on: December 04, 2019, 11:36:00 PM »
Quarkxpress

Just get the latest version off LimeWire for free since your work lives in 2001.

Cloud

  • total fucking prick
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #23 on: December 05, 2019, 12:34:00 AM »
Just get the latest version off LimeWire for free since your work lives in 2001.

Wow we must have modernised

It's not that long since we came off Novell file server

Flatulent Fox

  • Cauliflower CheesR
Re: The ABC of Salesmanship
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2019, 10:25:14 PM »
A is for Alcohool.You will grow to love this trick of the trade while chasing those targets.

B is for Buying - "You want to buy?"

C is for Cash - "Gimme da.....cash!"

Now you're ready to go out there and use the ABC of Salesmanship.