Author Topic: Robbed by some Amazon slave  (Read 1289 times)

Robbed by some Amazon slave
« on: December 02, 2019, 08:59:48 PM »
I got some headphones through Amazon on Cyber Monday shit (no boycott here, I want three hundred quid off some headphones thanks) and when they turned up and I opened the box, it was just a large movie novelisation of a shite film and some extra paper.


Called up Slave Central and they just said sticking another pair in the post now cunt, slave's on it. No questions asked. Insane. I wonder how much shit they write off likes this. Wonder how many slaves get put in the stocks to boost morale of their colleagues?


What's happened here you reckon? Slave taking the piss or postie on a mad one? Also it was delivered to a neighbour but she's basically deaf, god love her, so she'll have no use for them.


Ever been robbed by Amo's?

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #1 on: December 02, 2019, 09:06:34 PM »
For the record, I hate Amazon and their vile modern slavery. This is a satire of how many people are self-centred when it comes to commercialism.

It's also a true story so the thread is operating on multiple levels.

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2019, 09:07:04 PM »
lol owned

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2019, 09:08:39 PM »
yeh def lol

Zero Gravitas

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2019, 09:18:46 PM »
Someone orders it, takes out the headphones, replaces it with an object of almost identical mass, returns it, amazon automated returns service notices it's very slightly a different weight, if the margin on the item is greater than the total cost all of the already completed returns flows plus the cost of one additional return times the probability of the next customer returning the item they just put it back into the warehouse, otherwise they burn it and fire all employees at the fulfilment centre*.

Basic logistics.

*Obviously there are additional variables such as the number of current reviews, probability of a negative review, cpu time to bury the negative review with synthesised positive reviews, but you get the idea.

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2019, 09:28:19 PM »
Cheers G man, that's what I guessed. Never miss an oppo to stick it to the slave drivers mind you.

On another level this thread is about lazy anti-capitalist reductivism.

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #6 on: December 02, 2019, 09:31:09 PM »
Am I going to have to read a book on capitalism to become clever clogs enough to understand this satire?
Can I get it on Amazon?

Paul Calf

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #7 on: December 02, 2019, 09:35:32 PM »
Slaves are funny.

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #8 on: December 03, 2019, 08:48:12 AM »
Paul Calf's Disingenuous Summaries™

BlodwynPig

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #9 on: December 03, 2019, 08:50:05 AM »
For the record, I hate Amazon and their vile modern slavery. This is a satire of how many people are self-centred when it comes to commercialism.

It's also a true story so the thread is operating on multiple levels.

*Boston books a Amazon warehouse tour*

DESOLATION

Butchers Blind

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #10 on: December 03, 2019, 09:03:35 AM »
I buy stuff on Amazon.

PlanktonSideburns

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2019, 09:08:07 AM »
I knew from the first sentence what different levels you were attempting to work on, and I still managed to get annoyed with you Boston, so fair play to you, limmy old man giff and all that. I guess seeing as it worked on me regardless, that means it worked on another level also, on the level of being a

TOTAL CUNT

So I'm sure you must be very happy with that also

Cardenio I

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #12 on: December 03, 2019, 09:34:30 AM »
By Christ this is provocative stuff.

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #13 on: December 03, 2019, 10:04:51 AM »

Danger Man

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #14 on: December 03, 2019, 10:31:14 AM »
Am I going to have to read a book on capitalism to become clever clogs enough to understand this satire?

No

Chollis

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #15 on: December 03, 2019, 10:43:00 AM »
Hate Amazon, love Prime

Butchers Blind

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #16 on: December 03, 2019, 10:56:01 AM »
Shoes?

Yep.  Doing all my xmas shopping on Amazon mainly because I hate queueing in shops so let that shit come to me.

thenoise

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #17 on: December 03, 2019, 10:59:11 AM »

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #18 on: December 03, 2019, 11:23:37 AM »

Danger Man

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #19 on: December 03, 2019, 11:25:26 AM »
All you need to know is that The Boston Crab types random words and his threads tend to get to 3 pages or more.

JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #20 on: December 03, 2019, 12:08:51 PM »
What's happened here you reckon? Slave taking the piss or postie on a mad one?

Probably nothing sinister, just a fuckup from some poor bastard trying to work to a deadline.  The person who ordered the Downton box set probably ended up with your headphones.

Butchers Blind

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #21 on: December 03, 2019, 12:13:30 PM »
The person who ordered the Downton box set probably ended up with your headphones.

Winner.

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #22 on: December 03, 2019, 12:37:44 PM »
Which headphones?

Sherringford Hovis

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #23 on: December 03, 2019, 01:29:36 PM »

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #24 on: December 03, 2019, 03:36:04 PM »
For a Baby? Never worn?

For photographic purposes.

JesusAndYourBush

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #25 on: December 03, 2019, 05:45:51 PM »
Be glad it's only headphones, some poor sap bought an apple watch and ended up with something of considerably less value!
https://www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/amazon-shoppers-fury-hes-sent-17348267

Phoenix Lazarus

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #26 on: December 03, 2019, 06:01:20 PM »
Take comfort.  The culprit'll likely get hurt at work, or to have to piss in plastic bottles.

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #27 on: December 03, 2019, 06:11:20 PM »
(no boycott here, I want three hundred quid off some headphones thanks)

3 hundred quid off? So the actual price was what, a thousand? You paid a thousand quid for some headphones? You could get a new head for that (And, imo, you should).

Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #28 on: December 03, 2019, 06:16:38 PM »
Be glad it's only headphones, some poor sap bought an apple watch and ended up with something of considerably less value!
https://www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/amazon-shoppers-fury-hes-sent-17348267

Hahaha fuckin slaves are trippin man


3 hundred quid off? So the actual price was what, a thousand? You paid a thousand quid for some headphones? You could get a new head for that (And, imo, you should).


Nah not that bad. Half price to be honest and I wanted them for about three years but couldn't justify it. Simply having a stingy Christmas but I'll be getting high quality tinnitus instead.

Captain Z

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Re: Robbed by some Amazon slave
« Reply #29 on: December 03, 2019, 06:29:44 PM »
Be glad it's only headphones, some poor sap bought an apple watch and ended up with something of considerably less value!
https://www.coventrytelegraph.net/news/coventry-news/amazon-shoppers-fury-hes-sent-17348267

Quote
www.coventrytelegraph.net

Quote
But John was raging when he opened up the Amazon delivery to find he had been sent a £4.39 black and white toilet plunger instead, WalesOnline reports.

Quote
It was delivered to his place of work in central London on October 25.

Finger on the pulse of local news there.