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The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

Started by madhair60, December 06, 2019, 09:38:50 AM

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Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 05, 2020, 01:29:48 PM
I have a memory of being 10 or 11 and being taken for a day out in North Wales (I want to say some small town near IRONBRIDGE because I remember being bought a tiny souvenir IRONBRIDGE - as we were pretty poor growing up, getting any kind of souvenir was a big deal).

Anyway, as we were waiting outside a chip shop for my dad to get us one lot of chips to share for lunch, I remember a small boy of about 3, trousers around ankles, being openly encouraged to piss directly into a puddle by his mother. He did so. Why is a puddle better than the street? Even though I was young I knew I had seen pure bleakness.

I was stood in a pub doorway smoking a fag looking blankly to the small retail strip across the road (about 6 or so shops, you know the drill, bookies, convenience store then some niche shit like a kitchen fitters and an aquarium shop) where a family were holding a child in a weird way, sort of arse down but legs up. I didn't realise what I was looking at until I the penny dropped and also panicked as I realised I was staring intently at a half-naked child having a piss like a dirty old nonce.

Marner and Me

"Should be a great event today, the weather's good and we've got drum & bass legend John B to play for us, isn't that right Alan?"

"John... B?"

"Yes, is there a problem?"

"I... have to make a phonecall..."

I was stood in a pub doorway smoking a fag looking blankly to the small retail strip across the road (about 6 or so shops, you know the drill, bookies, convenience store then some niche shit like a kitchen fitters and an aquarium shop) where a family were holding a child in a weird way, sort of arse down but legs up. I didn't realise what I was looking at until I the penny dropped and also panicked as I realised I was staring intently at a half-naked child having a piss like a dirty old nonce.

I remember being on a beach in France and I recall a small French girl having a shit on the beach. The mum then put a mound of sand over it and a stick poking out the top. Lucky I'd seen her do that as I was the sort of bastard that would have kicked it too.

Sebastian Cobb

If you're going to bury a shit on a beach, remember to chuck a couple of low-value coins in there to attract the attention of a detectorist.

Replies From View

A couple of metal bottle caps should suffice.


Happy shitting!

Cuellar

Quote from: batwings on July 05, 2020, 11:12:18 PM
Darius from 2001 cry-sings 'Hey now, hey now, Don't dream its over' to a terrified Austrian coach driver in the men's toilets of a M5 service station.

Gave me the giggles

Egyptian Feast

Quote from: greenman on July 06, 2020, 03:24:04 PM
I think Biden could definitely have some pop culture traction to counter this.



I will never be able to look at Biden again without that tagline popping into my head. At least I won't have to much after November.

Rich Uncle Skeleton

from the thread about him out of Kasabian getting the boot

Quote from: Jockice on July 06, 2020, 07:23:03 PM
Is that why they put Leicester back into lockdown?

idunnosomename




Ambient Sheep

On singing words to theme tunes, this provoked a genuine out-loud bark of laughter:

Quote from: non capisco on July 08, 2020, 09:45:13 PM
Mastermind: "I hope you lose........wanker!"

chveik


pancreas


pancreas


jenna appleseed


Barry Admin

Quote from: Kelvin on July 13, 2020, 12:48:46 PM
I think of Glinner every day.

Not because of this thread, but because I check in on Animal Crossing, and one of my favourite villagers lives in this house:



Quote from: idunnosomename on July 13, 2020, 01:28:38 PM
three car beds? think of the emissions

Superb line.


Barry Admin

Quote from: Buelligan on July 13, 2020, 10:46:49 PM
I see I'm not speaking your language.  OK, it's widdly-pee verily penned by a dread CUNTipops.  Kazam.

That'll be £50K and I reserve all rights.

Dewt

Quote from: Gregory Torso on July 13, 2020, 02:34:18 PM
This always brings me out in tears, it reminds me of my wife when we were first together, when she'd sleep next to me, the little sounds she'd make as she dreamed, was she dreaming of me? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmsbP13xu6k

Quote from: idunnosomename on July 14, 2020, 11:35:12 AM
Graham, wow, what a big wobbly Ickabog! It's almost like you drew it while shaking like a jelly! But please, if I post one of these will you stop sending them to me? #TheIckabog

SteveDave

Of course, the jazz queens have jumped to his defense but fuck me these videos are hilarious

Quote from: Hand Solo on July 13, 2020, 12:26:38 AM
Someone linked this cunt on Facebook. He plays festivals and serious jazz clubs. How can anybody take this shit seriously? Just look up his millions of videos on YouTube, it sounds like a bloke having a breakdown. It's even worse when there's apparently some serious musician jazz bassist or guitarist accompanying him, they sound they're playing total random wank too. Is this some kind of elaborate prank?

I can listen to Captain Beefheart doing acapella. This is just shite though.


Quote from: Goldentony on July 14, 2020, 09:18:12 PM
cahnt lives next door been givin im a load a gweef says ee wants to fackin sort im out, went dahn the shop and BOWT a jar of the queens finest dondee's sunshine, chucks em over the garden WAR-WULL cants goin ME KIDS ARE HERE YOU MADMAN fackin sausgizz everyfackin where kin rwuwuined the garden, garden facked, council cam rahnd say this gardens a a fackin mess out you go mate no charnce, bon chance more like now he SELLS MOTORS

Howling.


Ferris

Quote from: Gregory Torso on July 15, 2020, 09:02:22 PM
I love Goldentony, his posts are amazingly funny.

Huge fan of the "take it or leave it" posting approach. Liked that one and all.

Pingers

Quote from: FerriswheelBueller on July 15, 2020, 10:06:59 PM
Huge fan of the "take it or leave it" posting approach. Liked that one and all.

Some of his posts give me concern for the man's well-being, but I also like the way he does totally his own thing and sometimes it's just spot on.

Butchers Blind

Quote from: SteveDave on July 15, 2020, 01:31:28 PM
Of course, the jazz queens have jumped to his defense but fuck me these videos are hilarious

I've seen people behaving like that in the first video down the local green.  It had nothing to do with jazz, just cheap cider.

SteveDave

Quote from: Butchers Blind on July 16, 2020, 12:58:41 PM
I've seen people behaving like that in the first video down the local green.  It had nothing to do with jazz, just cheap cider.

You're wrong. It's art. You don't understand it.

idunnosomename

Rembrandt was off his tits on white lightning when he did The Night Watch

Ferris

Quote from: Pingers on July 16, 2020, 07:41:23 AM
Some of his posts give me concern for the man's well-being, but I also like the way he does totally his own thing and sometimes it's just spot on.

I seem to remember they did a few "lucid" posts in the Labour Party thread so I'm comfortable it is a character. I hope.