The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[PlanktonSideburns]

Came to post that

[Rizla]

"I feel badly for them, partly because this is the fucking worst, shittiest youth culture. Seriously, go listen to some glam rock, sniff some glue & throw a homemade kung fu star at a football match. Stop fucking up your kidneys on E and giving chlamydia to unconscious strangers. You do not look like you're having fun."

[Rizla]

Stay up all night learning Danish then disguise yourself as your mate for the funeral.

[Pingers]

Yes, they're not burying the gran. They lower the casket into a giant deep fat fryer and that's the buffet after sorted.

# The circle of life #

A great image

[Alberon]

This

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,81970.0.html

[imitationleather]

Oh my daze.

[Cerys]

Magnificent.

[Ferris]

Crikey.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Everyone needs to see it

everyone?

[Neville Chamberlain]

Blimey.

[Paul Calf]

That is outstanding. We need more of this sort of thing.

[Pink Gregory]

Katsu Flavoured Hirohitos

Just love the idea of snacks named after such a bastard.

[non capisco]

Epic drunk teenage logic story from Shiftwork2.

Technically yes.  May have told this before.  Don't expect hardcore badness here, I was briefly Public Enemy #17623.  Celebrated my last GCSE with three friends and two bottles of vodka.  We didn't really know how to mix drinks so we went 50% vodka and 50% neat Kia-Ora, a cocktail which I believe has since been adopted by Raffles Singapore.  The bottles were consumed within half an hour.  Collectively realising we had fucked up we decided we needed to leave Martin's house undetected by his nana.  Cue lots of exaggerated 'SHUSSSH' down the stairs, and out the back door.  Sorted.  Lovely June evening.  The beach was a mere half mile away so that would be a nice place to try and process the bolus of 16 units of alcohol which was just beginning to properly land.  The endeavour began to dip at this point as Giles decided he needed a piss so extracted his cock in the middle of the street and and sprayed piss everywhere, now oblivious to almost everything.  I remember children running inside.  It got messy after that.  I remember vomiting and the vomit mixing with sand, then vomiting again.  Puke on blades of marram grass.  I couldn't walk, then I couldn't stand.  And that's then we saw Plod, called by the parents of the kids.  Bacon breffs.  Pigs.  Walking so slowly.  But myself and Andrew had a plan - we could escape by swimming.  Perhaps Ireland, perhaps North Wales.  Can't fault the ambition.  But unfortunately neither of us could stand up our fate was sealed.  I wasn't finished however.  From my vantage point in the back of the plod car I had one last trick up my sleeve - a fake address, believing that the police officers would just cheerily wave me off and bid me goodnight, allowing me to sneak in undetected.  Pretty good eh?  So, held up by a plod under each arm the random doorbell was rung, a strange woman answered and gave the only possible response which was I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE IN MY LIFE.  Rumbled.  Oh well.  The rest is just perfunctory and embarrassing.

I HAVE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

[the]

For some reason this really tickled me:

I know someone (a woman with an adult job bossing about a team of middle-aged men) who regularly refers to dinners/breakfasts/snacks of beans on toast with cheese on top as "cheesy beanos". I hate this more than anything else in the world.

I don't know whether it's the sitcomesque cretinousness of it, the disdain dripping off the quote marks, or the fact that someone would mention beans on toast with such frequency in the workplace.

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Sorry, busy that day.

When is it?

[Huxleys Babkins]

For some reason this really tickled me:

I don't know whether it's the sitcomesque cretinousness of it, the disdain dripping off the quote marks, or the fact that someone would mention beans on toast with such frequency in the workplace.

Also from that thread:

Ramekin of pistachios and a posh sausage roll, £8. Does he want the sausage roll warmed up and brought to the table outside with a dollop of mustard? Of course he does, the fucking cunt.

[Cerys]

Hero shark, rushing over to save his deformed elephant friend. "Gosh Darryl, you've fallen in!!"

It was the 'gosh' that sold it.

[Marner and Me]

This

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,81970.0.html

Fucking WOW that is class.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

My five-year-old niece dismissed Napalm Death as 'poo-poo zombies'.

[chveik]

ha that's great

[Twit 2]

Usually by the time people have become het up enough to complain you can tell you must have been giving it a bit. People don't usually just snap, with zero tolerance.

Sometimes it will have built up over years.

SHAG A GORILLA here
And FIST YER NAN STONE DEAD there

And before you know it the scolding is raining down.

[DistressedArea]

[buttgammon]

^ Yes! Was just about to nominate that myself.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Haha, that's great.

[Ambient Sheep]

Yeah it is, as is the amazing Bullseye thing above.


Meanwhile, have some of this:

My [annoying phone] guy isn't a Goldblum-in-the-Fly-style amalgamation of Corden and Gervais, though. He looks like if Damon Albarn had been dropped into a washing machine as a child and sent to a div school.

[Huxleys Babkins]

That tickled me too. Reading "a div school" in 2020 caught me massively off-guard.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

Not a post but the CaB username "GoblinAhFuckScary".

[PlanktonSideburns]

A great username

[Ambient Sheep]

That tickled me too. Reading "a div school" in 2020 caught me massively off-guard.

Exactly!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,82068.0.html

Goldentony's roasties diatribe