The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[non capisco]

Mr Farenheit from the 'Bond without decorum' thread.

Bond is a guest of Scaramanga at his private island mansion. He invites Bond and Miss Goodnight to sit down to lunch at a beautifully set table. 'Let's see what Nick-Nack has prepared for us. Ah... mushrooms!'

Nick-Nack pours Bond a glass of wine which he gulps down in one go. As Nick-Nack is serving Miss Goodnight, Bond snatches the bottle out of his hands, spilling some over Miss Goodnight. He holds the bottle a few inches above his open mouth and pours the wine down his gullet for some seconds before it goes down the wrong way, he makes exagerated retching noises and hurls the bottle into a wall. 'This is DISGUSTING! Haven't you got any Tizer?'

He picks up the platter of mushrooms and pours them all onto his own plate. 'Eeeeuurgh! Why are they all brown?' he yells. He decides to dig in anyway and grips his knife and fork in his fists. He's holding the cutlery at the wrong angle and can't manage to tackle any mushrooms at all. 'Shiiiiii-yaFUCKA!' he screams as he sends various plates and glasses flying across the table. 'What else is there?' he demands. He stands up and works his way around the table picking food up with his hands and shoving it into his mouth before spitting it out half-chewed onto the table.

Scaramanga dosen't react and raises his own glass of wine. Bond quickly grabs his wineglass and jerks it upwards, splashing wine over Scaramanga's face and shirt. Bond guffaws.

At the other side of the large open plan room Nick-Nack presses a red button built into a mahogany wall panel. An enormous TV screen descends from the ceiling with an electrical whirring noise. Once the floor-to-ceiling TV is in place Knick-Knack presses another button and the opening credits of 'Junior Kickstart' appear on screen. Bond stands open mouthed (showing everyone a mouthful of half digested prawn cocktail in the process) before rushing over and sitting on the floor a metre in front of the TV.

Bond sits engrossed as a boy tries to bunny-hop his scrambler across some upturned logs. Nick-Nack appears from the kitchen bearing a domed serving platter. He puts it down on the floor beside Bond and lifts the dome.
'QUAVERS!!! fuckin yeeeeeessss!'

[pcsjwgm]

Found a link to this in one of my old Evernote notes. I must have found it amusing; sure enough, I did guffaw.

One thing I found to be a constant in adult education - regardless of whether it was learning Japanese or studying English Literature - was there would be a least one retiree/pensioner who used the class to fill a gaping hole in their social life. Classes would often grind to a halt when these fuckers would try and pal around with the lecturer (and attempt to assert their superiority to the rest of us by placing themselves on an equal footing with them by saying 'I'm sure it's only you and me that remember this but ...' and then something about the 3-Day Week or Red Clydeside or the Suez Crisis, which had exactly fuck all to do with the difference between kana and kanji or Chaucer's legacy, but nonetheless we'd all have to hear about it, unsolicited and at ball-achingly tedious length.

There were several OAPs/retirees on my politics degree course (taken through evening classes) who were mostly okay but there was one in particular who fitted exactly into that category. And for some reason he took a shine to me, finding out my home number and calling me, sending me stuff (nothing interesting, mostly Lib Dem promotional) and worst of all trying to convince he he had a miracle cure,. He even sent an unsolicited latter about me to a surgeon he'd met at some event,  and getting practically every detail wrong. He used to interrupt the lecturers all the time as well. Once when he was on one of his rants I noticed that the bloke sitting next to me was furiously taking notes. I glanced at his paper to see that he was just writing 'shut the fuck up' over and over again.

[Replies From View]

Mr Farenheit from the 'Bond without decorum' thread.

This is wonderful.  I've not seen a single real James Bond scene in my life but for me this is the correct nature of things.

[SpiderChrist]

How's Kanye doing?

Probably diving for penalties again

[The Mollusk]

Looks like Predator without the mask.

[Ferris]

Furlough, sweet chariot
Coming fore to keep me at home

[Cuellar]

I have no idea what's going on in this one!

[jenna appleseed]

2020 Election by Syd Barrett

[jenna appleseed]

got myself a ramblin' hawkin' baldin' talkin' orange cunt

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

"don't shine that torch in my face mate, I've just lost 50,000 votes'

[Chedney Honks]

^ hahaha

[Ferris]

It's already over. Virtually impossible for Biden to lose the lead in PA now. He only needed WI/MI/PA to win.

This is the way it ends, not with a bang...

[imitationleather]

Hahaha. Brilliant.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

*applause*

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

That's great

[Gregory Torso]

Amazing.

[Replies From View]

Excellent!

[madhair60]

Saw it on Twitter, mind.

[The Mollusk]

I don't get it

[steve98]

Is it that "WI/MI/PA" looks a bit like WIMPA, which looks a bit like whimper?: This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper?

It's not that funny.

[idunnosomename]

we are the orange men

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Is it that "WI/MI/PA" looks a bit like WIMPA, which looks a bit like whimper?: This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper?

It's not that funny.

It's funny enough for at least 6 people to like.

[touchingcloth]

Is it that "WI/MI/PA" looks a bit like WIMPA, which looks a bit like whimper?: This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper?

It's not that funny.

It's not hilarious, but it's extremely good.

[NoSleep]

Wimipa?

[Dex Sawash]

I don't get it

Fucking heroic

[Dex Sawash]

Tons of stuff buried in election thread that are due a hat tip but this one needs preserving.
Vocaroo suggests it may be their own work, nice work goblinahfuckscary

https://voca.ro/1gsIyw4Onooc

Vocaroo expire after a while, worth putting somewhere stable.

[Twit 2]

It's not hilarious, but it's extremely good.

I do that sort of wordplay for breakfast and only rag it to fuck from there. Smash through the cunting ceiling with it, squash yer nan plumb-dead in the bath, mate.

[JaDanketies]

Goblin's post made me lol irl too, wtg gobbers

[The Cloud of Unknowing]

Saw it on Twitter, mind.

Yes, it appeared a few times on Twitter on 4 November, eg https://twitter.com/CausticPop/status/1323856614353522689 and is still going.

It's a great joke though.

[touchingcloth]

I do that sort of wordplay for breakfast and only rag it to fuck from there. Smash through the cunting ceiling with it, squash yer nan plumb-dead in the bath, mate.

Come on then cunt do a wordplay now you fucking melt come on or are you too scared yeah thought so you fucking waste you fucking toilet you fucking compost.