The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[Satchmo Distel]

grassbath:

Someone's knocking at the door
Someone's smelling the smell
Someone's knocking at the door
Someone's smelling the smell

Do me a favour
Fuck off mate
I'm doing a shit

[non capisco]

It is her son being weird, but he is also medically a goblin.

[Pingers]

Beat me to it, that's a belter

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Mr Stink was a stinky prick. He hummed like a cunt. Oh yes, like a motherfucker. Dirty old cunt.

[idunnosomename]

Why don't you shove it up your arse and fart it to them?

[madhair60]

I disliked everything about that episode save for the locations.

Oh wait, there was one more thing I liked - and I feel a bit bothered by it. This was the first episode where I noticed the Doctor's body and she's somewhat sexy, if I am honest.

[willy crossit]

When's the results coming in? Probably middle of the night/early early morn UK time right?

The results are going straight up your fucking big arse!

Sorry I don't know why I did that.

[madhair60]

The worst thing is when there's a genuine idiot in the group, or an idiot couple. In this case it's my brother-in-law and sociopath wife. To sum them up, they once spent an hour in the greeting card aisle laughing at the hilarious funny birthday and Christmas cards. I didn't witness this, it's something they told me. That's an anecdote to them. They just had a son and named him after some Game of Thrones dipshit. They own every item of clothing that Target produces that has a sassy message written on it. They are the pits.

Anyway, they are of course the owners of every Cards Against Humanity expansion pack there is. But they don't like to actually play the game. No. They force us all into it during family events, and they tolerate the game being played by the rules for a while. But what they really want to do is see their favourite cards. An example of that is the card that says "dat ass". They just want to see "dat ass", but written on a card. The last time we played they interrupted the game, searched through the pack so they could find "dat ass" and put it in the wife one's deck. Surely enough she played it at the earliest opportunity, paired with an incongruous, unfunny matching card. They both immediately made a combined exaggerated laughing sound that I can only transcribe as "BWEEEEUGHARRAGAGRAGGHAHAHAHAHAH!". For they had engineered the situation where a card that said "dat ass" could be found in a pack and put on a table by their hands.

I hate Cards Against Humanity.

[Better Midlands]

[Gregory Torso]

From thread about Buster Merryfield falling over at the comedy awards

During the floor

[Ray Travez]

definitely deserves a mention- Yussef Dent in the rude customers thread-

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,77611.msg4086987.html#msg4086987

[Dewt]

In this case it's my brother-in-law and sociopath wife.

Update on this couple: the wife one announced that she cheated on him and wants to split up on the day that the husband one's dad died of brain cancer

She thought the dead dad thing would be distracting enough to get her off the hook a little

shudder

[magval]

From thread about Buster Merryfield falling over at the comedy awards

Seconded.

[Captain Z]

Update on this couple: the wife one announced that she cheated on him and wants to split up on the day that the husband one's dad died of brain cancer

She thought the dead dad thing would be distracting enough to get her off the hook a little

dat ass

[paruses]

a man who is tired of big tits is tired of life. or is gay. or doesn't like big tits. or is just tired of big tits.

are you still writing this down boswell

still laughing.

[Thomas]

Shit, guys! Like a massive bellend I used Google to find this thread and accidentally posted in the old one!!!!!! I was guffawing too much to check.

From WALLACE & GROMIT EXCEPT WALLACE IS EXTREMELY RIGHT-WING:

o SLIPPERS
o BREXIT
o NEWSPAPER
o WALKIES

I also laughed at boswell.

[Annie Labuntur]

a man who is tired of big tits is tired of life. or is gay. or doesn't like big tits. or is just tired of big tits.

are you still writing this down boswell

still laughing.

I've never watched Bread and still don't get it  :-(

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I've never watched Bread and still don't get it  :-(

Don't be silly. Charlie's Angels reference, innit?

[Johnny Yesno]

Don't be silly. Charlie's Angels reference, innit?

What? That's Bosley. Are you thinking of Angel's Charlies?

[Johnny Yesno]

Anyway, this is great:

Here's the results of a quick search on okstupid:

My self-summary
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. The joy of discovery is the single most important thing in life.

Skip my profile if:
- you are suspicious about everything and insistently questioning an authenticity of online dating members. I'm not in here to prove you anything
- you have lack of imagination on how could photos be taken in other way than a selfie in the mirror, and still be geniune
- you are bald and/or have a height less than 175cm, sorry.

This from a profile with no pics. Presumably too far out of her comfort zone.

I'll stick to wanking if it's all the same.

^^^ Nice and/or clarification; must have had pint-sized slapheads going in on a technicality.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

What? That's Bosley. Are you thinking of Angel's Charlies?

Angel's Charlies was an actual thing. It was a comic strip in the late 70's fleetway comic "Jackpot", and was drawed by Trevor Metcalfe.

[Johnny Yesno]

Angel's Charlies was an actual thing. It was a comic strip in the late 70's fleetway comic "Jackpot", and was drawed by Trevor Metcalfe.

I don't remember that being in Jackpot. It was a one-off Viz strip, wasn't it?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I promise you it was in Jackpot.
Angel herself was a stereotypically nice looking young lass, with the blonde hair, and all that. Although the strip was in black and white, I would imagine she had eyes of a startling cobalt blue. She looked like the daughter of Lily Pop, the cracking crossing lady (from "Cheeky Weekly", 1977-1980)
Three young tykes didn't half fancy Angel, and every week she would get them to do stuff for her,which the lads (the "Charlies") would do in the vain hope that they'd get fingers and tops off her. Of course, Angel always scarpered once the three duped lads had done her bidding and made cunts of themselves, always saying 'Hee Hee! Proper Charlies!' to herself at the end of the strip, every single week, the rotten cow.
Unlike what I imagine the Viz strip to have been, nothing to do with norks (well, the three lads probably thought Angel had a right nice rack on her, I shouldn't wonder).
Now I come to think of it, the full title of the strip was "Angel's (Proper) Charlies".
There *was* a Viz strip called "Tina's Tits", is that what you're thinking of?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Further research has shown that Angel was actually based on Farrah Fawcett, and was actually quite the proto-feminist, what with exploiting those dozy males with the hearts fluttering around their heads. Also, appeared to wear dark trousers and  quite concealing tops at all times, none of this showing cleavage off, or getting her pins out, or owt (she was also probably about 12 years old, wouldn't have been a good look to have her doing that sort of thing, sensible stuff from the man Metcalfe).

[canadagoose]

...'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight
[thump] [thump]

{Grandstand theme plays}

[Glebe]

John Inman has really let himself go.

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

...'Cause heaven ain't close in a place like this
I said heaven ain't close in a place like this
Bring it back down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a rumor ruin my moonlight
[thump] [thump]

{Grandstand theme plays}

That's great

Had to give it a go https://clyp.it/bvnczo2p

[EditGlitch Removal Person]

Happy to help!

[kittens]

Eh up Gromit lad time to watch child porn again

[bgmnts]

Good god that caught me unaware. Tears.