The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[Butchers Blind]

[mothman]

I've never liked all the McCanns hate that goes on, but even I chuckled at that one.

[Cerys]

Ditto.  It's so beautifully understated.

[Hand Solo]

Ditto.  It's so beautifully understated.

Not quite, as I updated it immediately after posting.

[Kankurette]

[Fambo Number Mive]

Little known fact: Del Boy is actually short for Delicious Boy.

[mothman]

• Dodgy Geyser
• Sludge Dread
• Mostly Armus

[pigamus]

Far, far worse than Pip and Jane Baker, yes.  Pip and Jane Baker's scripts weren't always my cup of tea but there was an appreciable imagination and flair to them; Chibnall's scripts are like you go into the woods one day and oh there is an elf and oh he gives you a chair and oh you sit on it and oh then the chair falls over broken and then oh you go to the chair mending place and oh someone mends it and then oh the Doctor moralises about the mending of chairs and then the episode ends.

[The Dog]

According to a brochure on the university website, it was designed to withstand a Category Five hurricane and last 100 years

Rookie error.  Should always build bridges to withstand the next 100 years.

[Huxleys Babkins]

I agree with the people on here questioning whether anything has changed of late.

As someone who isn't British, I think the rubicon was crossed during that summer when we had the Olympics, the football, and a royal wedding. Prior to that,  flag waving was mostly reserved for Norn Iron huns and English football fans in the immediate run-up to matches. Then that summer happened and suddenly everyone was crowing about British people winning medals and you couldn't fucking move for flegs.

Before that. the Northern Ireland obsession with flags on post offices came across as weird. Now you have politicians being yelled at for not having them in their offices. It was also the start of the Guardian going on and on about progressive patriotism.

British patriotism is like incest: You can't do it safely or in a nice fashion, you have to have a taboo against it.The second that taboo is gone it's all dad's showering with their daughters a brothers, sibling 69ing on the kitchen table, and people complaining about the BBC not playing the national anthem at the end of the News.

On paper it should be possible for a close knit family to get each other off and for people to derive some self-esteem from the progressive accomplishments of past Westminster governments but in practice it's all inbred sister-daughters and people getting aggrieved over the use of the term "bloody Sunday" because the Irish started it.

[Paul Calf]

Yeah. That's outstanding.

[Replies From View]

I just read that as a factual document

[Rich Uncle Skeleton]

There's always another way for Hans to really make me laugh

[Thomas]

*Fred Flintstone beats on the door* "DELLLLLLLLLLL BOYYYYYYYYY!!!"

[Echo Valley 2-6809]

From the 'My bank won't let me have a sound rammed down my urethra' thread.

"You'll forget all your worries as she runs the needle roller over your bollocks and rams some trimmed ginger up your arse before pissing on your face"

🎵 DOWN TOWN! 🎵

[koeman]

Just came here to post that one. Superb.

[Huxleys Babkins]

rodney: you can't have sex with a horse, del! its against the law and everyfing
del boy [fucking a horse]: don't be a plonker all your life, rodney!

[ASFTSN]

^ That whole thread's one for the ages

[Dex Sawash]

Having read the title of this thread I took my kids round to Jim's to get some of this free glitter. They were very disappointed, to say the least.

[Dex Sawash]

From the 'My bank won't let me have a sound rammed down my urethra' thread.

I guff'd too

[Kankurette]

Çağlar Söyüncü's name has more accents than a Meryl Streep box set.

[Jockice]

Most of the Jim Davidson/Gary Glitter thread.

[Jockice]

DrGreggles

Re: The Fashionably Late Euro 2020 Thread

Hakan Sukur! Muzzy Izzet! Fatima Whitbread! Efe's Grill! Ali Osman! Baths! Delight! Lurkey! Foghorn Leghorn! Bernard Matthews!
Can you hear me, Bernard Matthews?!
Your boys took a HELL of a beating! Your boys took a HELL of a beating!

[lankyguy95]

That one's still tickling me.

[JamesTC]

Why would Maggie have a dream where Moe puts his lips on Katy Perry's vagina

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Tragic channel number.

Imagine a feeble, doddering geriatric. The scraps of a Christmas turkey. A crumpled page from The People's Friend that's been wrapped around some twigs.

In leathery hands he covets his television remote. He jams the numbers down with trembling fingers, peers at the distant screen with gangrenous desire and watches helplessly with disappointment as his television jumps to channel '23' and then to '6'.

Again and again, for the rest of his life.

[Midas]

Cheers Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse :)

[Tokyo van Ramming]

Dr Trouser in the sausage house:

[An tSaoi]

Uncle Albert's famous speech:
"During the war, I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me, Del. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face like Cassandra's... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with the Navy, during the war. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into Nelson Mandela house to inoculate the children. We left the flats after we had inoculated the children for Polio, and Mickey Pearce came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. There they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some right plonker. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. It was like falling into the loading bay of a pub. And I thought: My God... the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment. Because it's judgment that defeats us. So make us a fry up, Rodney."

[Dex Sawash]

I didn't realise Dogtanian was everybody's favourite hero. I wouldn't rate him even in my top 750 heroes, and I'm Dogtanian!