The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[Noonling]

I rarely actually GUFFAW at posts on CaB, they generally make me quietly appreciate with a smile, but the simplicity of this:

It'll be loads cheaper if you use DeadEx.

Made me GUFFAW.

[Marner and Me]

May as well use this thread to point out that I hate people from other continents.

Made me have a lolocaust.

[druss]

looked up Sian Webber after seeing her in a thing

"Within an episode of Holby City broadcast in 2013, Webber played a gameskeeper that had been impaled by an antler. The episode emphasised the message that a shot deer should never be approached from the front."

[Dewt]

I watched Bad Manners play in a pub in Gravesend once. Thought it would be a laugh to watch them on mushrooms but it actually turned out to be extremely unnerving. What I saw was a load of hard faced bald men worshipping the Michelin Man.

[Dewt]

Also Reynard Bum de Ghoste. poo is so good

[holyzombiejesus]

Kelvin on 'Sir' Keir Starmer.

Time to start praying he was telling the truth about everything, and that the public respect men who look like two bricks fucked and had a baby bank manager.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

On what to do about a fucked up leg:

CUT IT OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE

[Ray Travez]

It's fun to be the disseminator of bullshit though. Like telling people that the peanuts found on a bar in America had been weed on by 5 different men and one had done a poo in them.

[the]

From That's all I got (a thread for very poorly sketched concepts):

You come home from school aged 9-10 and your mum's just this big triangle

[Emma Raducanu]

The Nazi connection actually goes much deeper, with the architects of the gas chambers being heavily inspired by the traditional methods used to make Arbroath smokies.

[Butchers Blind]

From the bully thread

Somewhere on a Subaru Impreza forum there is a "Should I apologise to the guy a flicked a paper clip at?" thread.

[jenna appleseed]

Plankton Sideburns in Iain Lee talks about the 11 O'Clock Show


cant wait until all of bbc's exes are on twitch and i can lob cryptocoins at them and watch them dance in humiliating clothes for me, the format saturated with ex establishment camwhores

hugh stevens dangles from a sex swing insterting candles, stopping his tears only to thanks subscribers, emily matlis stands in the corner on one leg with a teatowel on her head, best tenner ive spent all week

[jenna appleseed]

Pijlstaart replying to Prince Andrew's medical sweat condition clearing up

Mayan architecture is really under the radar, utterly ripe for appropriation. Serious Sam, Sam I Am, of course based a level around Palenque, appropriative. Frank Lloyd Wright absolutely shit the bed trying mayan revival. It's a tough cookie, but the rewards are there to those who want it.

He's got a kind face, Prince Andrew, a patrician kindness, and if we'd had the good sense to caponise Charles then we wouldn't have liberal race traitors in line for the throne, it'd be Andrew next. I think he needs it too after this little hoo-hah, we owe him for decades of service, just you try walking a mile in his shoes. There's a depth to him, and a warmth, a benevolent overseer, if his face was the face on the teletubby sun it'd fit right in. His Majesty King Andrew, Supreme Governor of the Church of England, by the Grace of God, of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas King, Defender of the Faith. Fairs fair.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Why do we even bother with cooking properly still when you can live pretty cheaply on shit like instant noodles, tinned veg and pastas and rice and the like. Why do people still make the effort when it's unnecessary? Intrigues me, is it a status thing?

Why do people even listen to music when you can just open the window when an ice cream van drives past?

[jenna appleseed]

https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,35296.60.html

In Half Life 2 there's a character who looks a bit Brexit, so I take to going up to him and shouting "get it done" sarcastically, except there's no microphone in that game so I just have to type it into the console.

[jenna appleseed]

from deso thread

Letterbocks in Viz this month is all just "Do I Win A Fiver?" nothing else in any of the letters, just the five words and a question mark, 800 times

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

absolute gash. Lastest 4 and a bit episodes. complete cunt rubble

[phes]

I once went on a brewery tour with workmates. During which I managed to piss myself before I'd even had any free beer.

the reality of this maybe isn't at all funny but the post is

[Jockice]

the reality of this maybe isn't at all funny but the post is

As long as it amuses you it's fine by me. I was wearing my posh tartan trousers that day too.

[Dewt]

Sounds like they ended up with more than just tart on them

tart-on

tartan

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

"And this is Dave, one of our long-standing warehouse employees. You can ask him anything you like about what it's like to work for Amazon."

"I know you! Aren't you Kevin out of Liberty X?"

*SIRENS WAIL AND THE ROOM SLOWLY FILLS WITH GAS*

[Ferris]

Agriau to disagriau

push pineapple up a tree

[Lordofthefiles]

I
FUCK
ORACLES

IT'S
INCREDIBLE

[touchingcloth]

In context, this one took me completely by surprise:

...Bummers are deaf.

[Ambient Sheep]

From That's all I got (a thread for very poorly sketched concepts):

You come home from school aged 9-10 and your mum's just this big triangle

Isn't that like an old science-fiction short story?  Something about a guy who accidentally shifts himself into a different dimension so he ends up looking to the rest of the world like a big oblong.  Efforts to reverse the process fail, so his wife and child decide to

Spoiler alert

undergo the same thing so they can be with him

[close]

and... no I remember it now.  It's the CHILD who ends up in a different dimension due to a malfunction with "the birthing machine", and

Spoiler alert

the parents who go through it as well so they can be with him

[close]

.  The last line is especially poignant and yet funny.

Thanks to Google being better than usual lately, I don't have to ask you guys for once.  A quick sf short story birthing machine dimension tells me it was "Tomorrow's Child" by Ray Bradbury, and it's a safe bet I read it in his short story collection I Sing the Body Electric.

Sorry for this self-indulgent and pointless post but hey, the OP made me laugh too.

[Dex Sawash]

Something about a guy who accidentally shits himself into a different dimension

fixed for that's all I got thread

[Blue Jam]

Isn't that like an old science-fiction short story?  Something about a guy who accidentally shifts himself into a different dimension so he ends up looking to the rest of the world like a big oblong.  Efforts to reverse the process fail, so his wife and child decide to

Spoiler alert

undergo the same thing so they can be with him

[close]

and... no I remember it now.  It's the CHILD who ends up in a different dimension due to a malfunction with "the birthing machine", and

Spoiler alert

the parents who go through it as well so they can be with him

[close]

.  The last line is especially poignant and yet funny.

Thanks to Google being better than usual lately, I don't have to ask you guys for once.  A quick sf short story birthing machine dimension tells me it was "Tomorrow's Child" by Ray Bradbury, and it's a safe bet I read it in his short story collection I Sing the Body Electric.

Sorry for this self-indulgent and pointless post but hey, the OP made me laugh too.

It's not this one, but you might enjoy it anyway:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatland

[Ambient Sheep]

It's not this one, but you might enjoy it anyway:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatland

Heh, I actually found it terribly dry.  Probably because I was spoiled by reading The Planiverse by A. K. Dewdney first.

I first heard about Flatland as a kid, saw it mentioned many times but never actually managed to find a copy.  Bought The Planiverse not long after it came out and enjoyed it tremendously.  So when eventually I did find a copy of Flatland around 5 years later I was pretty underwhelmed.

Thanks for the recommendation anyway, though.  If you've never read the Dewdney book I do recommend it back!

[Beagle 2]

Stop pretending you are not looking forward to Mario Hospice.

Mario Hospice.

[Twit 2]

Reminds me of 'Muppet 9/11'.