The Last CaB post that made you GUFFAW out loud II: The GUFFAWther Part 2

[Pseudopath]

S?-S!'s beautiful reaction to TikTok's pilfering of ancient Bill Bailey material:

Oh fucking jesus no

Fuck my fucking entire bowel system, fuck the metres of colon like a London underground tunnel jesus fucking no

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Gogglebox

(Giles is off camera, in another room.)

Giles: Nutty, are you sure the government are insisting that we have to be 2 metres apart?

Mary: Oh for goodness sake, Nutty. You keep interrupting.

The camera pulls back to reveal the Malone's rottweiler, lapping away at Mary's cunt like it's a Magnum ice-cream he's found on a pavement.

[ZoyzaSorris]

S?-S!'s beautiful reaction to TikTok's pilfering of ancient Bill Bailey material:

Old Stomachs does seem to be churning out the gooduns at the moment. Maybe early covid delirium?

[Kryton]

From the very talented Al the funkee Homosapien.

[chveik]

You are dead and I claim my £5

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Wonderful stuff, Al

[Gregory Torso]

Imagine being in your early 90s and having a husband or wife about the same age who is still alive, and doing things for each other like phoning people up when the other one is doing a blood firework impression.  It's so heartening and comforting.

[Gregory Torso]

Also, bloody amazing stuff, Al the Funkee HS. What with the gorgeous pangolin Sirhenry posted in the COVID forum, there's some right talented artistic bastards on here.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

all of these

ELLO ELLO ELLO WHATS THIS!?! A BATTENBERG CAKE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH A MONOCHROME CAKE?? DONT YOU KNOW THERES A VIRUS AND YOU'RE OUT BUYING FANCY MULTICOLOURED DELIGHTS???!!!!

What if the Hound of the Baskervilles makes off with your balsamic vinegar and the cost of the ensuing response tips us all into ruin?

Scratch that. I just went for a walk and did indeed fall in a hole. Then an eagle carried me to its nest and I had to be rescued with special, costly ladders.

OH FOLLY OH HUBRIS WHAT HAST I DUNST?

[buzby]

Piljy's collective action Coco Pops Crunchers

[the]

Yeah, this is what happened when I bought mine a cat bed

     

It's the slightly guilty face that makes it

[Twit 2]

Re: Joe Wicks' workouts

Don't need some cunt to tell me how to do a star jump

[Johnny Yesno]

Piljy's collective action Coco Pops Crunchers

Oh, god, literally tears here.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yep, yep yep. That's a brilliant post.

[Pseudopath]

Agreed. Absolutely brilliant. I really want to try a bowl of Coco Pops Crunchers now but it looks like they're discontinued. Damn you Capitalism! Are they the same as Coco Pops Rocks?

[Johnny Yesno]

I really want to try a bowl of Coco Pops Crunchers now but it looks like they're discontinued.

Looks like Novara and the hard left have won :-(

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

The public were tested, the gauntlet had been thrown down, and surprise surprise, they couldn't handle the crunch.

[Pseudopath]

The public were tested, the gauntlet had been thrown down, and surprise surprise, they couldn't handle the crunch.

#CocoWeeps

[Pingers]

[Johnny Yesno]

#NotACrunch

[Twit 2]

Is it written it the usual days-are-gone meter?

Now it's all iPads, smart phones and watches
They just couldn't cope with our old Tamagotchis

Not just the spot on parody, but I've been wading through Don Paterson's 'The Poem: Lyric, Sign, Metre ', which contains some absolutely pulverising Greek-derived linguistic jargon, and the idea of a "days-are-gone metre' being a real technical term tickled me even more.

[SteveDave]

He's only going to get worse. "I was in the running for Han Solo. The Roly-Polys - had all of them. And they're my daughters. I wrote Wichita Lineman, and Windows 98. I've filed over a million patents since 2010. Roger Moore was cloned from me."

[Ferris]

My hair has reached a tipping point. My hair goes through various stages.

Stage 1) Immediately after a haircut I look like a massive cunt, but I thank and tip the cunt who's done it to me. The best/worst example of this was a couple of haircuts ago. I went Turkish. As somebody on here once pointed out, Turkish barbers don't talk to you, and that, as well as the ability to leave me with two ears, is what I look for in a barber. Unfortunately, this particular Turk with shears, didn't speak great English. So when he asked me something, I thought he'd said, "Which direction did you come from?"   "Er..what?" He repeated himself. So I pointed outside and said, "I came from that way." He looked confused, so I expanded upon which direction I'd entered his establishment from. "I came from the direction of Sainsbury's." He looked at me, shrugged, then proceeded to give me a massive side parting I hadn't asked for. I then realised that he'd asked what side I wanted my hair parting, and I had instructed him to part my hair in the direction of Sainsbury's. My fringe was a huge sweep of hair. I looked like I was about to read the news in 1970s America. I tipped him, put my hood up and left.

The shrug got me. Who is this mad man asking for a side parting all the way to sainsburys? Oh well, shrug, customer always right, here we fucking go.

[Pingers]

Ok, universe, for the last 5 years you've been teasing me with the prospect of political or social events that would be genuinely positive/actually hilarious/incredibly justified should they happen, before taking them away and leaving me in no doubt that nothing good ever actually occurs. After Bernie Sander's primary failed, it was the last straw - I was convinced id never hope for anything again. But man, If this was all leading up to Boris getting merked by the virus he totally mishandled the preparation for, then tried to get us all to catch as soon as possible... Baby I forgive you, absolutely worth it, all's forgiven and absolutely well played. Now come over and let me busy my face in your bumcheeks you hot little firecracker.

A great start to the week.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Some amazing filth emerging from poo in the Boris Ill thread.

[Poirots BigGarlickyCorpse]

Sickening behaviour in this thread. I suppose you lot would have been laughing and joking when Hitler took poison, shot himself and then went on fire in a ditch.
Well, some of us have more empathy than that.

It's the "went on fire in a ditch" that makes it

[pancreas]

Some amazing filth emerging from poo in the Boris Ill thread.

+1

[Cerys]

I'll say a prayer alright: a prayer for a janitor to slip in a puddle of Boris's cum and stove his lungs out his spine in a mop-end fulcrum disaster.

Although to be fair, that thread is a gold mine right now.

[tourism]

I hope he pulls through and uses it as a turning point to care more for the NHS, take things like this more seriously in future and give more of a shit about others. 

[Cerys]

The Very Long Night of Boris Johnson...?