Centaurs

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

Horses bounce their cock against their tummies to masturbate.

I'm not even making this up.

Dick slapping?

[Blumf]

Best Centaur:

[dissolute ocelot]

So they brush their teeth like us norms but they have to shit all over the bathroom floor?

Pretty sure they live in stables, or open fields in summer. Try fitting that body onto an Ikea sofa and still be able to stand up again.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Quick diagram

They'd have two cocks. A human cock in the place you'd expect, and a horse cock further back.
Having an arse in the small of your back is silly though, they'd have one arse, the horses arse.

[imitationleather]

They'd have two cocks. A human cock in the place you'd expect, and a horse cock further back.
Only one arse though, the horses arse.

Ah just like me. Except I only have one cock. A horse's cock.

And instead of a horse's arse I have an old man's knackered bum.

[jobotic]

And instead of a horse's arse I have an old man's knackered bum.

Well you'd best give him it back then ha ha

[sick as a pike]

Peter Sissons was the best news Centaur, racing round the BBC wall of death before every broadcast, looking up at the camera, shrieking, always shrieking.  14/20.

[Dr Trouser]

Pretty sad all those centaurs that died in world war one, however because of PCWORLDGONEMAD they were played by horses in the film recently.

[alan nagsworth]

So they brush their teeth like us norms but they have to shit all over the bathroom floor?

centaurs get more piss all over their own keks than madhair does, it's an abhorrent scene

[Gurke and Hare]

Do baby centaurs suckle from their mother's human nipples, or their horse nipples?

[Alberon]

See? They do make sense!

[JesusAndYourBush]

When the centaur wants some sexy funtime can he have it with a human lady with his front cock, and a lady centaur with his horsecock both at the same time?  Perhaps he likes to mix it up a little by getting them to swap at half time?  Perhaps he even likes to get kinky by involving an actual horse horse instead of a centaur?

Oh... I just Googled centaur porn.  Yes it exists.

[bgmnts]

I fucking love it when they apply real biology/chemistry/physics/maths/logic to science fiction, fantasy or mythology.

"Exceptionally capacious lungs" was lovely.

[Kryton]

How do they wipe their arseholes?

[alan nagsworth]

What they fail to detail there is the brain, and that's because everyone who know anything about centaur brains is that they're the size of a hazelnut and centaurs are thick as black fucking molasses. Stupid cunt animals galloping helplessly into ravines and that. Conveniently left that off the diagram didn't you, you fucking geeks

[Sex Festival Organizer]

How do they wipe their arseholes?

With their tail, of course. Imagine the most luscious arse-wiping you've ever had, and then multiply it by ten.

[Kryton]

With their tail, of course. Imagine the most luscious arse-wiping you've ever had, and then multiply it by ten.

So you're telling me all these fucking Centaurs are running around with shitty smelly tales?

No wonder the Dwarves (who are a great bunch of lads) hate them.

[Kryton]

I'm confused.

[sick as a pike]

A Centaur considers fetching down a "Giles" jigsaw from a high cupboard, yet doesn't, in Nuneaton.

[Dex Sawash]

Some insurance wankers have a new ad campaign with a motaur

[Sex Festival Organizer]

So you're telling me all these fucking Centaurs are running around with shitty smelly tales?

No wonder the Dwarves (who are a great bunch of lads) hate them.

No, centaurs take great pride in their personal grooming, so after a slow, satisfying poo with subsequent luscious wiping of shitty bum with their soft, fluffy tail, they wash and rinse with only the most exquisite of shampoos and ethereal oils. It's pretty clear you have absolutely no experience with AD&D, where arse-wiping is one of the most important aspects. Lucky be he who finds the Soft Arse-Paper of Cleansing +5!

Dwarves, on the other hand, are cunts and only fit for tossing.

[Jittlebags]

I suppose it makes sense having a 12 inch horse's cock at the back, and a bit of a human chode at the front. Not sure what multi cock coordination would be like seeing as the brain is already trying to control 6 limbs.

[Elderly Sumo Prophecy]

A twelve inch horse would have a laughably small penor.

[Sherringford Hovis]

How come the hoofy bit doesn't do a Louise Woodward on the baby bit?

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Do baby centaurs suckle from their mother's human nipples, or their horse nipples?

Philip K. Dick considers rewrite.

[jobotic]

Two navels - two umbilical cords (yes horses have navels, I checked).

I think the process of birth must be hideous

[Alberon]

They come out in two bits - human and horse. And then you just.click the two parts together to get the centaur baby.

What? It's no more ridiculous than the idea of centaurs in the first place.

[Cerys]

Clearly best centaur is Ultima Weapon.

[Gurke and Hare]

They come out in two bits - human and horse. And then you just.click the two parts together to get the centaur baby.

From the same place, or does a lady centaur have a human fanny where the man centaur has his little human cock?

[Golden E. Pump]

I knew a man who was horse once. Quite the narcissist. Always needed to be centaur of attention.